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Discussion Starter #1
It all comes flooding back with a vengence.

It has been 10 months...I have worked on myself loads but when I get this tired, boy my heart break all over again, I just want to sit and shout out loud or cry.

I miss her so much at times, although I dont know if its her or the companionship.

I have met 2 - 3 woman since, gone out for dinner etc and just did not want to take things further..

I feel like such a loser makes me cringe at times...

I keep myself busy all day every day to avoid getting like this but trouble is because I am so busy I get so tired, my raw emotions thoughts come flooding back bigger and badder.

I have her social media details but I will not look anymore, I havent looked in 4 months and dont want to..

I just want to move on with my life...I think being unable to find a place to live due to a fragile job, lack of friends, is keeping me in the past.

Fed up, alone and tired....someone please give me a hug...

She ended it and then met someone else who I know existed before hand. 5 years together and not even a call from her to ask how I am. She couldnt care less....So why do I ....

I know I got away so lucky, so fortunate but I just cant seem to focus on anything in my life, I just keep myself busy day in and day out meet different people but it just doesnt help, I am broken inside...

After 5 years of giving my all, working hard, compromising, ending up in hospital being diagnosed with an illness, supporting, encouraging and loving.....I end up back with parents, 32 years of age, no sense of direction, no support from anyone and keeping myself busy to take my mind off things that make me feel so tired I feel like only yesterday we broke up...

Thanks for reading my rant
 

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Here's your (((hug))) :)

It sounds like you have not let yourself find closure. When you think things like "5 years and she hasn't called. She obviously doesn't care, so why do I?" you're letting faulty beliefs affect how you feel.

If you have a belief that "people should care for people who care for them," for instance, then you are locked in an unhealthy cycle.

To unlock yourself from destructive thought patterns, you have to find a way to close the chapter in your life book that included her.
It might mean you have to get really mad, or burn her picture in an ashtray while chanting, "You have no power over me after today." I don't know what will work best for YOU, but keep trying until you stop thinking ^those thoughts and start thinking, "I'm free to achieve."
 

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It ain't the load but how you carry it that matters. It isn't about falling down but getting back up.

You sound overwhelmed. Get a plan for your life. Ask yourself how you can make a life you can be proud. Do not live in the past as it causes suffering. Live only and be appreciative of all you have in the present moment as the "now" is what you have. Do the best with what you have where you are. :)

And listen to this.
Tubthumping (I Get Knocked Down) Lyrics - YouTube
 

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Discussion Starter #4
thanks for the hug....

I can go for days , weeks and not remember and then suddenly when it comes boy, it comes back hard...

I guess the thoughts about her not calling etc come on strong when I really feel alone and empty

The work I have done is in line with your recommendations and I have tried that, even dated other women but boy this is so tough I cant begin to explain...

Its like I feel worthless , empty, sad, and fearful on bad days and happy, confident, untouchable on good days...

On the good days when I make plans it feels like I am making some progress in life but then when the bad days kick in, they are so overpowering I cannot explain how empty I feel

Thanks
 

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Discussion Starter #5
plan for life....thats the million dollar question really it is...

I loved volunteering and work 3 (paid) days a week

This just does not seem enough. It like I am cutting myself short. Not making arrangements for my future and what i want to do...

Although I really enjoy the voluntary work I do I just feel like I am running away from facing up to my issues...

Last 2 days I just felt so bitter and useless, this is not me, I am much better then this, I want free from this mess...
 
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