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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Getting close to a year since DDay and this week is the anniversary of when she met/slept with him I found out about a month later.
We had talked about MC but I wanted to wait awhile(let the emotions even out) and I wanted her in IC (she went a few times wasn't a very good IC so she is looking for a new one) I used to go to IC a few years ago for some other stuff and I am planning on going back.
With all that I see many who started MC immediately after Dday not to many who waited, I am just trying to get some thoughts on how it went if you waited or anyone who wants to chime in with any MC experience.
Things are going well and we do talk a good deal more than we used to, I do see some old patterns come back once in awhile(not the stuff that lead to the cheating always on guard for that) i.e. the communication will slow down, still some grudes on both of our parts that come out that type of stuff. So I am thinking that now would be a good time to go to MC just to continue to grow and learn to overcome some of these issues.
Your thoughts are welcome.
 

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i am intersted in any answers as well. been about a year for me, too.
i was just talking to the wife about me going to IC because i have some serious anger issues in regards to it that rears its ugly head occasionally.
 

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We both started IC right away and he convinced me to try MC after 2 months which I did. We're still going, it will be 3 years in May.
 

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I did IC, about a month after the second big d-day. Admittedly I did not go for too long, found myself bowing my chest and stating that I could live without him and did not deserve the ***p that he had put me through.While yes that was all true, I still did not want to lose my marriage, so I stopped going and began rugsweeping. I can only tell you that three years later I was miserable and falling apart, my marriage was almost non-existent. Thankfully the wonderful people on this site opened my eyes. We are now going to MC, I am on the meds for depression, and we are finally talking truthfully. DO NOT WAIT !!! Get into counseling right away, deal with it NOW or it will come back to bite you later. Don't throw years away when you have the tools to work on it now. Good Luck
 

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I started IC a couple of months after Ddayand attended for about 8 months. When H and I reconciled I asked my IC whether or not she would recommend we have MC. She said that it wasn't always necessary as long as the lines of communication between us remained open and that we were able to talk about the A and all that came with it. She recommended that if we stop communicating then we should think about MC. Thankfully we haven't needed it yet.
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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
At this point really not sure what we will do, we are doing fairly well and the last thing I want to do is drag it all up again however if there are still issues to deal with then we need to do it. The dreaded rugsweeping is not allowed in this house.
I know I have anger still but everyone does and the hurt will never go away just dull to an ache. I think the best course may be just for the both of us to get in to IC again and then look at MC later, baby steps you know. That's how this R feels anyhow not confident to run and truthfully why would I be in a hurry to go back to the way it was before .
 

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Why do you feel you need 3+ years of counselling?
We only go every 5 or 6 weeks, and we both are getting quite a lot out of it still. It's kind of like 'checking in', and a safe place to bring up things that we want to run by a third party. The infidelity is very rarely brought up now, actually.
 

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I went to IC within a week of DDay and my wife started IC about 2 months later and that moved right into MC. We are at a year and we are still talking with each other when we leave. When we started a little over a year ago we did not speak for days after an MC appt.
 

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Mine was/is IC but with an MC twist. Insurance wouldn't cover MC, but will cover IC... so we both do IC with the same person, with an intent to have the C work us towards the middle individually. It's strange, I know. The most important point of it though is that, although the relationship has not improved necessarily... I have. The therapy has proven invaluable to me individually. I have learned a ton about myself, and don't regret it for a second. I have been doing it for well over a year, and don't see stopping any time soon.

Even if things don't work out with the wife I have bettered myself as a person, and that will reap rewards in the future. I was never enthusiastic about doing the therapy, but I'm glad I did. The secret, I've found, is finding the right counselor. That's the hard part.
 

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We did IC, but never MC together.

The IC she was seeing was a nutjob that knew nothing about
infidelity and when we attempted a dual session for the first time,
I could tell she was helping my ww blameshift and rugsweep... so I bailed.

We talked about finding a new MC that we both agreed on
but that didn't get done before she eventually broke NC with the POSOM.
 

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We did MC for 9 months, beginning 2 weeks after DD1 - I would suggest that it's a good idea to do some research on the counselor's competency before you commit to this. There were helpful parts but I think overall it was damaging to us and in particular to me as the BS.
 
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