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Discussion Starter #1
Hello! :smile2:

When in your relationship did you know that your husband/wife was "the one"?

Am I crazy for thinking I know at 2 months in?

Sam
 

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Hello! :smile2:

When in your relationship did you know that your husband/wife was "the one"?

Am I crazy for thinking I know at 2 months in?

Sam
The sad reality is that there are a lot of people who thought they found "the one", all to be disappointed by said individual years later.

It's a great feeling, but I would recommend giving it time. Let the honeymoon phase (18-24 months) wear off before committing to marriage. Discussing your values (listed below) in depth, ranking them by importance, etc., will help you better understand what drives each other. Reading "His Needs, Her Needs" and discussing it's contents is also a must.

Values:

Career
Leisure
Care Giving
Family
Intimate Relationships
Community Involvement
Religion & Culture
Education/Personal Development
Mental & Physical Health
Friendship
Sex & Physical Intimacy
Finances
 

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I thought my first wife was - well, not the "one," as there is no such thing IMO - a great match after perhaps 6 months of dating. I didn't know any better, being too young to have the requisite experience. Needless to say, I got that one wrong, but stuck it out for a very long time anyway.

The next time around, I knew on the third date that I'd found as ideal a match as possible. It took some time (nearly a year) and issues to work through to actually make it work (and to thoroughly verify my intuition on this), but it has been every bit as ideal these last 19 years as it was on that third date.

You are more likely to get this intuition right if you've had plenty of dating and relationship experience, know yourself really well (and what you want and need), and are able to get an exceptionally clear idea of the person you're dating, quickly. Otherwise, hormones are probably deluding you.
 

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The honeymoon phase really lasts that long?
Studies measuring the relevant hormone and chemical levels in the bloodstream indicate as much, yes.

But I can only presume that you're having sex, and doing everything else a married couple would, already. So what's the rush?
 

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I knew at first sight that I had to have her and 8 hours later she was in my bed.

That was over 27 years ago so I guess the lighting that struck me when I saw her struck true.

I do know it isn't usual and I also don't ascribe to there being "The One" as there are many women that I am compatible with.

Mrs. C just happens to be a great candidate among the compatible.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Studies measuring the relevant hormone and chemical levels in the bloodstream indicate as much, yes.

But I can only presume that you're having sex, and doing everything else a married couple would, already. So what's the rush?
I guess there's really no rush, more of the fact that I was caught off guard by the feelings I'm having. If he asked me today to marry him, I'd be willing to run to the courthouse. I feel I'm very calculated and planned with everything that I do, so these thoughts scare me.
 

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My sister came home after her first date with her husband and told my mom she was going to marry that man... they just celebrated their 32nd anniversary.

For us, after 6 months of "you too!", we're not so surprised anymore. :smile2:

Until my current relationship, I really didn't believe in "the one".

Now I'm not so sure... every time I look at her my inner essence tells me I've not just known her all my life, I've loved her also, it just took me decades on a path of awareness to get here.
 

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I guess there's really no rush, more of the fact that I was caught off guard by the feelings I'm having. If he asked me today to marry him, I'd be willing to run to the courthouse. I feel I'm very calculated and planned with everything that I do, so these thoughts scare me.
I know how you feel. Based on others' posts, their experiences have been good, and I'm happy for them. For myself, I met "the one" some years ago. I felt like I had known her for centuries, like she was a part of me. But now she's gone.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
I know how you feel. Based on others' posts, their experiences have been good, and I'm happy for them. For myself, I met "the one" some years ago. I felt like I had known her for centuries, like she was a part of me. But now she's gone.
You and Emerging Buddhist explained my feelings exactly.

J and I have known each other casually through friends for quite awhile and they made a joke about us going for a date since we were both single. We went out to kind of continue the joke- and it was like we both got hit with a Mack truck.

I'm not sure how you meant that we are probably already acting as a married couple?
 

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You and Emerging Buddhist explained my feelings exactly.

J and I have known each other casually through friends for quite awhile and they made a joke about us going for a date since we were both single. We went out to kind of continue the joke- and it was like we both got hit with a Mack truck.

I'm not sure how you meant that we are probably already acting as a married couple?
I was merely saying that marriage holds no treasures for you. You're having sex, making out, sleeping in the same bed, showering together, eating breakfast naked... all the special things conventionally restricted to marriage. So there's little point for you to rush towards the alter, IMO.
 

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I was merely saying that marriage holds no treasures for you. You're having sex, making out, sleeping in the same bed, showering together, eating breakfast naked... all the special things conventionally restricted to marriage. So there's little point for you to rush towards the alter, IMO.
This is all true... but there comes point that marriage itself is a treasure born of commitment to weather the tougher moments, all the other things you speak of are the easier of loving actions.

The love that shows through when you are at your most vulnerable is the strongest... those are the valuable actions that tell you marriage is the right thing.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
We definitely have some more to experience together before we commit to a marriage. We’ve delved into some pretty deep topics already and both have really laid ourselves out on a lot of things. It will be interesting to see how things go when we have an argument. I know I can be hotheaded and J says he is too.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Hahaha! What?
Common, give us a play by play <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_grin.png" border="0" alt="" title="Big Grin" >:)</a> What were you doing, what was she doing, what did you think, what did you say, what did she say, then what, then what, then what <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_grin.png" border="0" alt="" title="Big Grin" >:)</a>
I’m LOLing at this!
 

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Common, give us a play by play <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_grin.png" border="0" alt="" title="Big Grin" >:)</a> What were you doing, what was she doing, what did you think, what did you say, what did she say, then what, then what, then what <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_grin.png" border="0" alt="" title="Big Grin" >:)</a>
Ok. If OP doesn't mind, I'll post it tomorrow because I'm dating my wife now.<a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_grin.png" border="0" alt="" title="Big Grin" >:)</a>
Not a problem. 😉
Happy date night!
 

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Very quickly, but I was middle age, and really knew what I wanted and so did he.
We are mismatched in drive though, but nearly custom made for each other outside of that. It was quite awesome actually. By two months I definitely knew.
 
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