Wow, a real man would talk to his partner about how he feels not run out and stick his **** in another woman, really mature. Cheating is 100% on the cheater.
What makes you assume that he didn’t talk to his partner…. Many times… over a period of years?
Read a few of the stories here and you’ll see countless examples of men and women that have pleaded with their partners for literally years and are either completely brushed off as being “needy” or they are accused of being sex addicts or they make some token gesture for a week or so and then go right back into stiff-arming their partner’s bids for attention and affection.
While I don’t condone or justify cheating, I think other than a small percentage of actual psychopaths and sociopaths, most people are not evil people that set out to be cheaters.
Most people don’t get some kind of brush off or some kind of argument or get some kind of rejection on a Saturday night and so they enter into an office affair or sign up for Ashley Madison on Monday morning.
The dynamics and processes that lay the groundwork and lead up to the affair can often take place over very long period of time or even YEARS.
But they could have divorced!!
Yeah, divorce isn’t something you do Monday morning after a tiff over the weekend either.
A divorce is a major life event. It’s an event that can leave both people living a lot lower standard of living, involve great financial expense, loss of the family home and in the best of circumstances involve a 50% reduction in access to the children.
Divorce vs outsourcing physical needs becomes a dilemma of the lesser of 3 evils.
Which is the least bad?
- losing your house, dividing marital assets, splitting the kids between two homes, paying up to tens if not hundreds of thousands in lawyer and court costs, dealing with custody issues, child support, possible spousal support etc etc?
- or discreetly getting those needs met outside the marriage?
- or living a long life of misery and deprivation and chronic dissatisfaction and resentment etc?
When those are your choices, which is the least bad?
It’s easy to vilify the WS and say it’s because they’re bad.
But statistically speaking the true narcissists, the psychopaths and sociopaths make up something like 5% of the general population.
That leaves 95% of people as just regular Joes and Janes.
And I would argue that the Regular Joes and Janes are not feeling a bit randy on a Saturday night when their partner is tired or not in the mood so they are signing up on Ashley Madison the next day.
These dynamics and processes are taking place over many many months if not literally over years, but nothing is breaking through to make any meaningful improvement.