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What's your ideal frequency in your mind, not your spouse's.

17K views 172 replies 54 participants last post by  DarrenLondon 
#1 ·
What's your personal opinion of how many sexual encounters with your SO in a week, or whatever range.

Not your spouse's opinion, or what is common for you as a couple, but in an ideal situation how frequent is your perfect number?

There's been threads with a variety of opinions, let's get focused information.
 
#10 ·
My ideal would be 6 to 9, and reality is 4 to 7, so there's a good match between the two most of the time. I'm getting older, so 10 to 14 (which used to be my ideal and my reality) is now an unrealistic fantasy. <sigh>
 
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#15 ·
If it's high quality sex, 9 times a week would be close to the perfect number for me.

If there is low quality sex sprinkled in, then 5 times a week would be good. Need a longer reloading time when my wife would prefer NOT revving me up.

For now, I'm averaging 5-6 times a week. I'm overjoyed, especially since my wife reinvigorated her sex drive from the way it was early on in our relationship. I feel like where I'm at right now is a perfect compromise and am very satisfied with what I have.
 
#27 ·
Oh dear--at 50yo I like variety. Sometimes I like once a week...other times I like once a day! I think an average of about 2 or 3 times a week is perfect for me, because I do like a little anticipation.
I have found that it does indeed vary due to what we're doing through the week but I can't remember any recent times it's been under four times a week.

We also pre plan a few days regularly when we know we'll be alone unless we go out. So we're casually running around naked and comfortable for whatever. I truly like empty nest time.
 
#25 ·
What's your personal opinion of how many sexual encounters with your SO in a week, or whatever range.

Not your spouse's opinion, or what is common for you as a couple, but in an ideal situation how frequent is your perfect number?
I once polled folks here at TAM about what constitutes a sexual encounter and someone said that anything other than PIV probably does not really count as sex. Based on that I'll assume your question excludes one-sided sessions of oral or manual stimulation to climax as well as mutual self gratification. This would also exclude all forms of teasing and foreplay as well for qualifying as a sexual encounter if the moment is limited to that and does not include PIV.

Because I enjoy my wife cultivating and being playful with my desire at rather high levels which includes primarily the things above that should be excluded, your question confuses me. If I excluded all those things and only went for PIV, then it would no longer be enjoyable without a high frequency of the non-qualifying events that I enjoy as much if not more than PIV.

I'm confused and unable to answer the question...
 
#26 ·
I once polled folks here at TAM about what constitutes a sexual encounter and someone said that anything other than PIV probably does not really count as sex. Based on that I'll assume your question excludes one-sided sessions of oral or manual stimulation to climax as well as mutual self gratification. This would also exclude all forms of teasing and foreplay as well for qualifying as a sexual encounter if the moment is limited to that and does not include PIV.

Because I enjoy my wife cultivating and being playful with my desire at rather high levels which includes primarily the things above that should be excluded, your question confuses me. If I excluded all those things and only went for PIV, then it would no longer be enjoyable without a high frequency of the non-qualifying events that I enjoy as much if not more than PIV.

I'm confused and unable to answer the question...
If my penis makes an appearance and my wife touches it in any way, its sex! :)
 
#56 ·
At 50 my ideal frequency for shared sex¹ would be 10-12x a week, inclusive of masturbating myself at around 2-3x a week.

While the current reality for me with my almost 51 year old wife, for shared sex is most often at a frequency of 6-9x a week (with 4-6x of that being on the weekend), with masturbation for me being at around 3-5x a week (mostly on weekdays).



Although there are some weeks, mostly when my wife has her usual monthly (for the moment fortnightly) RDO, or when we are on holidays. When we still manage a shared sex frequency of 11-14x a week, with masturbation for me being at around 1-2x a week.

At the lower end when we have a week that is limited through the demands of other external activities. We share sex at 4-6x a week, with my self masturbating at 4-8x a week.

There was also a significant dip to around 4-7x a week of shared sex (and I was fine with that), when we were in our early thirties, As a consequence of work demands and having young kids as well. Yet our late 30s saw things improve significantly.



That said I have no doubt my ideal frequency will decrease over time, fortunately I haven't had any sexual problems so far. Since when I was in my late teens through my twenties, my ideal was 14-18x a week of shared sex. And I usually had that frequency and occasionally even higher, when in ongoing sexual relationships. Including with my wife, ex-wife and a few others back then.

One thing for sure at this age I don't think I would settle for a shared sex frequency, of 3x a week or less as the norm with my wife. Without ending our relationship and seeking sex elsewhere, or carrying on with her and seeking sex elsewhere to try to meet the shortfall.

I figure if I live past 70, I will be doing well, to enjoy some form of shared sex at 2-3x a week after that. Of which the fact that I had grandparents who were still sharing sex in their 80s, tells me that it is possible.



Also since @badsanta mentioned time taken. Morning sex for us tends to be around 15-30 minutes, daytime and evening sex at home or in accommodation tends to be around 40-80 minutes, while outdoor sex as opportunity presents (with no-one around) tends to be at around 5-15 minutes.



¹ Shared sex for my wife and I mostly sees us at least share penis in vagina sex, plus penis in rectum sex and oral sex as well. While standalone oral sex for either of us is fairly infrequent (since it usually turns into all of the rest). Although it does happen from time to time, and is usually done on request.
 
#57 ·
What's your personal opinion of how many sexual encounters with your SO in a week, or whatever range.

10-15 encounters/week personal opinion now. Anything less than 5 would be a disappointment for both of us, we love the bonding. The "ideal" has changed up and down many times, has been as low as 2-3 and as high as it is now over our long marriage but we have always been nearly on the "same page", whoever was on the low side always put in an effort to match whichever was the higher drive.
 
#69 ·
Any of you like building excitement and anticipation, or do you just stick it in, make your 20x a week quota and call it good sex? Does quality count for anything?

Otherwise, doesn’t it become like every other bodily function? Like taking a dump. Mildly satisfying but not very memorable.

Y’all on here taking about ohhh I want it 20x a week. 20 x a day if I could get it! 50 and 60 years old. Get real. 😂 🤥 🥱 💤
 
#70 ·
Some yes. Some no.

Yesterday after work my wife jumped me. We actually had a conversation for about 3 minutes while she rode on top. Just getting some particulars about the day out of the way. Then we went into a more concentrated mode on the pleasure. Both of us enjoyed ourselves. Was it mind blowing? Nope. Was it still good? Yep.

As long as it isn't bad or duty-style, I'm quite pleased. I'd say 1-2 times a week is the mind-blowing style. Sometimes less. Sometimes more.
 
#82 ·
ms gamboolgal and I are approaching our 40th Anniversary.

At age 62 I still love her and want her all the time.....and I mean all the time...

Reality now is we have sex about 3 times per week on average. Sometimes abit more and sometimes less.

Now that I'm retired (effective 1-Feb-21) I am not under extreme stress and have quit the smoking and whiskey drinking - I'm more frisky. ms gamboolgal is always ready, willing and easily aroused and wet....

We are now exercising, eating right, getting rest and not under work stress since retirement and that's a good thing for the bedroom....
 
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