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That’s interesting. Since you desire both, I’m curious as to what turns you on to masturbation. Do you still think about your partner? Is it that kind of thing that gets your desire going, or is masturbation totally different?
I think I want to masturbate when I feel a very strong physical desire, and by that I mean a feeling I get “down there” without really much emotional thought behind it. It’s more like a physical need. Sometimes I think about my husband or imagine an actual recent experience we had together, sometimes I just watch porn, sometimes I fantasize about one of my crushes.

When I want real sex it’s more a mind/body desire.
 

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For me, I have to masturbate. I love it. It’s totally a different thing than sex. If I stopped with the self-care I don’t think I’d suddenly desire real sex any more than I already do. It’s like 2 separate types of desire for me. If I want to masturbate, that is specifically what I want to do and I don’t want anybody interrupting me or trying to turn it into an actual sex session.
that is interesting. I am the exact opposite. It’s actually one of my big turn-ons for my wife to come in and interrupt me and say something like “mind if I take over?”

f*ck yes I want you to take over!

its only happened a few times in 20 years, but damn…. Some of my fondest memories
 

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Lol my level is not where I want to be. It’s hard to stay hungry though and double down on my efforts. This weekend will be a big test for me.
I’m talking more about your insane schedule. I wouldn’t be able to keep up. I consider myself fit, but not super fit. I’m very active with riding my mountain bike on hard, dirt/rock trails 3-4 times a week for 2 hours a pop. I work hard at my job. I play with my kids. I am now getting my fulfillment of sex almost on the daily.

I hate mornings. I hate waking up. It takes me a good while to be awake at work. I’m much more of an afternoon/night person. However, I’ll NEVER be doing work for my job at 1:30am! When I go home for the day, that’s it. My job doesn’t exist until the next day. I’m on my free time, baby!
So yeah, mornings. Being awake at 4am to go for a jog? F That!!!! Lol. Even if I was awake, my knees wouldn’t be able to take that pounding (I’m not a runner).
 

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that is interesting. I am the exact opposite. It’s actually one of my big turn-ons for my wife to come in and interrupt me and say something like “mind if I take over?”

f*ck yes I want you to take over!

its only happened a few times in 20 years, but damn…. Some of my fondest memories
My husband knows the look I give him if he interrupts me and he knows to leave me alone. Sometimes he’ll come in and I’ll be laying in bed doing my thing and he’ll start talking to me or something and I’ll have to flat out say “Hey, I’m masturbating here, leave me alone!”
 

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Wow, I prefer long sex sessions but I think even I’d get bored with 3 hours!!!
Perhaps this thread is not about this topic, but I will add an interesting addendum. The OP is likely right in understanding that everyone has an ideal frequency for sex and this thread is likely exploring that spectrum of sexuality. The next part of research is likely to begin appreciating what happens from both perspectives when you have mismatched frequencies. Perhaps some couples have frequencies close enough that both can compromise while others have frequencies so far apart that it becomes unworkable.

A completely overlooked aspect of sexual fulfillment is the ideal time needed per session in order to feel satisfied. I once read a thread about a wife that liked frequent sex but she could not tolerate the fact that her husband demanded very long sessions (him having three+ orgasms each time). She just wanted something quick and easy so that sex would not disrupt the entire schedule for the day.

So the OP should take some time to ask which situation presents itself with a greater challenge:
A) A couple in which the husband wants sex daily and the wife only 2-3 times a month. Both like for sex to last approximately half an hour.
B) A couple in which the husband wants sex to last no more than 15 minutes with a wife that desires at least an hour to feel satisfied. Both like to have sex approximately two to three times a week.

My point being is that sexual intimacy is much more dynamic than a simple frequency. Two people with the exact same frequency can be just as incompatible as two people that enjoy sexual intimacy to last the exact amount of time to be satisfied. However ONLY the couple that enjoys sessions that last for the same amount of time ever get to experience mutually enjoyable sex when it happens. The couple with the same frequency may get to experience sex as often as they want but it always creates anxiety that both are not satisfied.

So just asking for ideal frequency does not result in any meaningful debate.
 

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So just asking for ideal frequency does not result in any meaningful debate.
I'll also add that I think most people's frequency changes over time as well as the desired length of each session needed to feel satisfied. The result creates a lot of variety as well as dissonance in almost any relationship. Some couples make good teams that can enjoy the challenge and grow from it while others view relationships as disposable and walk away as soon as something stops being fun and enjoyable.
 

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Any of you like building excitement and anticipation, or do you just stick it in, make your 20x a week quota and call it good sex? Does quality count for anything?

Otherwise, doesn’t it become like every other bodily function? Like taking a dump. Mildly satisfying but not very memorable.

Y’all on here taking about ohhh I want it 20x a week. 20 x a day if I could get it! 50 and 60 years old. Get real. 😂 🤥 🥱 💤
 

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Any of you like building excitement and anticipation, or do you just stick it in, make your 20x a week quota and call it good sex? Does quality count for anything?

Otherwise, doesn’t it become like every other bodily function? Like taking a dump. Mildly satisfying but not very memorable.

Y’all on here taking about ohhh I want it 20x a week. 20 x a day if I could get it! 50 and 60 years old. Get real. 😂 🤥 🥱 💤
Some yes. Some no.

Yesterday after work my wife jumped me. We actually had a conversation for about 3 minutes while she rode on top. Just getting some particulars about the day out of the way. Then we went into a more concentrated mode on the pleasure. Both of us enjoyed ourselves. Was it mind blowing? Nope. Was it still good? Yep.

As long as it isn't bad or duty-style, I'm quite pleased. I'd say 1-2 times a week is the mind-blowing style. Sometimes less. Sometimes more.
 

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Any of you like building excitement and anticipation, or do you just stick it in, make your 20x a week quota and call it good sex? Does quality count for anything?

Otherwise, doesn’t it become like every other bodily function? Like taking a dump. Mildly satisfying but not very memorable.

Y’all on here taking about ohhh I want it 20x a week. 20 x a day if I could get it! 50 and 60 years old. Get real. 😂 🤥 🥱 💤
In the BDSM community some people practice ways to minimize pleasure. One particular way is to unexpectedly inform someone that they need to reach climax in the next few moments. A heavy vibrator is applied and a climax occurs within minutes usually to a male and to trigger a refractory period. Then the subject is taken to a sex club after being rendered unable to enjoy any further pleasure as a form of humiliation. Often insult is added to injury by the subject being led to believe they would get to participate in some fun activities and was asked to refrain from sexual activity for a few days prior in order to increase the pleasure of this upcoming event.

My point in sharing this story (from the other side of the internet) is to demonstrate to the OP some of the ways couples toy around with each other's frequencies. Some couples play rough!
 

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I hate mornings. I hate waking up.
Have you tried Foldgers? I’m not kidding I make some from crystals when I first get out of bed. I hear it’s the best part of waking up.

Anyway my wife said, “I have a surprise for you.” after lunch and gave me a peek at some yellow Calvins I got her that she is wearing, so unless I piss her off this afternoon she is DTF and I will be getting back on track later.
 

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So just asking for ideal frequency does not result in any meaningful debate.
I posted results from a survey (in another thread) about the length of PIV that people felt was either too short, too long, or just right. The just right range was 7-13 minutes.

So last Sunday I had the news on in the bedroom and there was a clock on it, so I figured what the hell. 10 minutes with one position change and vibrator came out about halfway through.

This was after ~30 minutes of me rubbing her back and then probably 10 minutes of trying to arouse her and I would say that is fairly normal. So let’s say 45 minutes. I would easily spend that twice a day for a total of 1.5h but normally if we go two she wants one longer one for her and then me pop off on the other. So really 1h and we’re good and still doing 2x a day on those days.

Any of you like building excitement and anticipation, or do you just stick it in, make your 20x a week quota and call it good sex? Does quality count for anything?

Otherwise, doesn’t it become like every other bodily function? Like taking a dump. Mildly satisfying but not very memorable.

Y’all on here taking about ohhh I want it 20x a week. 20 x a day if I could get it! 50 and 60 years old. Get real. 😂 🤥 🥱 💤
Think about it like this. Some people have a higher drive. For me, within a couple hours of having sex in the morning I am already thinking about it again. So I get my anticipation wondering about later that night and that is plenty of anticipation for me.
 

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I posted results from a survey (in another thread) about the length of PIV that people felt was either too short, too long, or just right. The just right range was 7-13 minutes.

So last Sunday I had the news on in the bedroom and there was a clock on it, so I figured what the hell. 10 minutes with one position change and vibrator came out about halfway through.

This was after ~30 minutes of me rubbing her back and then probably 10 minutes of trying to arouse her and I would say that is fairly normal. So let’s say 45 minutes. I would easily spend that twice a day for a total of 1.5h but normally if we go two she wants one longer one for her and then me pop off on the other. So really 1h and we’re good and still doing 2x a day on those days.



Think about it like this. Some people have a higher drive. For me, within a couple hours of having sex in the morning I am already thinking about it again. So I get my anticipation wondering about later that night and that is plenty of anticipation for me.
It’s strange to me that anyone thinks about sex this much. Not just thinks about it in a way that a lot of people, especially men supposedly do, but has an almost constant desire to actually do it. It seems to be that you have an almost constant desire to have sex. Is it really THAT great? I feel like I’m someone who likes sex a lot but then when I read some of the things you say I start to wonder what I’m missing because I don’t think my drive could ever begin to compare to yours. Actually, not sure I know of anyone whose drive is constantly at the level that yours seems to be (and talks about it, at least...obviously I know people who I would not be having such conversations with in real life. I wonder who I know might secretly be an HD sex fiend in disguise....). This is excluding horny 18 year olds guys, pregnant Cicis, and the like, of course. Do you have naturally very high levels of testosterone?
 

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Do you have naturally very high levels of testosterone?
I dunno. I seriously doubt it is low. I joke around when ads play on TV for testosterone boosters I say, “Maybe I should look into that.” and my wife says, “Don’t you dare!!!”

It’s strange to me that anyone thinks about sex this much. Not just thinks about it in a way that a lot of people, especially men supposedly do, but has an almost constant desire to actually do it.
I’m underselling it probably, I think about it all the time like I was in high school. Desire to do it less but still am/pm no problem.

It could be that my brain responds differently to the chemicals released from it. My brain also likes drugs, alcohol, gambling, basically all vices it is down to party pretty much 24/7. So I have to clamp it down big time! I replace a bunch of that with hard brutal exercise. I do get the endorphins from it, like today my workout was terrible but somehow I feel good even though I am limping around from it.

One thing re: masturbation I think I read somewhere the brain chemicals released during are different from partnered sex.
 

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It’s strange to me that anyone thinks about sex this much. Not just thinks about it in a way that a lot of people, especially men supposedly do, but has an almost constant desire to actually do it. It seems to be that you have an almost constant desire to have sex. Is it really THAT great? I feel like I’m someone who likes sex a lot but then when I read some of the things you say I start to wonder what I’m missing because I don’t think my drive could ever begin to compare to yours. Actually, not sure I know of anyone whose drive is constantly at the level that yours seems to be (and talks about it, at least...obviously I know people who I would not be having such conversations with in real life. I wonder who I know might secretly be an HD sex fiend in disguise....). This is excluding horny 18 year olds guys, pregnant Cicis, and the like, of course. Do you have naturally very high levels of testosterone?
For me it is more than just a physical act, i do not even care if i reach climax. It is the bond we share. To us it is like a combining of our souls together. I told my wife when we retire we will not have to even get dressed unless we leave the house. Just have to keep blinds close so as not to flash the neighbors.
 

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I’m 28 female, my ideal would be every other day but husband can go one to two weeks without anything and he’s contempt with that .. can never seem to get a man who can keep up
 

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Of course the tragedy is that there are men saying the same thing about not being able to find a woman who will keep up.

So many people would be so much happier if they could find compatible partners.

There are a lot of men and women who would be happy with every other day.

I’m 28 female, my ideal would be every other day but husband can go one to two weeks without anything and he’s contempt with that .. can never seem to get a man who can keep up
 
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