[TXTrini]

I dated a guy who was an extreme extrovert and I found his social life exhausting. He was sure I would get used to it. I knew better.

That would get OLD quick. I don't do well spending too much time with extroverts, I can't imagine dating one. Honestly, I treasure my alone time so much it was easy to resist the peer pressure to have children.

 

[Ragnar Ragnasson]

A cool day, open fire, grill going, some oysters, shrimp, scallops, ribs, veggies, horseshoes, neighbors, kids.

Cool day is optional. Happens year round.

Sometimes with yard full of mine and friends trucks, boats, and fresh fish added to menu.

Always casual.

 

[Openminded]

That would get OLD quick. I don't do well spending too much time with extroverts, I can't imagine dating one. Honestly, I treasure my alone time so much it was easy to resist the peer pressure to have children.

He was sure we were meant for each other. I didn’t think so. Extroverts totally exhaust me. I have a few in my extended family and I can’t handle being around them too long. No way I could marry one.

 

[heartsbeating]

For me, being more of an extrovert does not equate to not also needing and wanting quiet time. However, I do appreciate that Batman and I are both more extroverted.

 

[Openminded]

For me, being more of an extrovert does not equate to not also needing and wanting quiet time. However, I do appreciate that Batman and I are both more extroverted.

It can greatly help to be with someone who’s similar. My ex-husband wasn’t as introverted as I am but he understood because he was similar. The extrovert that I considered marrying would have had a very difficult time dealing with me and I would have had a very difficult time dealing with him. He was sure I would change and I knew I never would. Our marriage wouldn’t have lasted a year. The old saying about opposites attracting can be true but that can also wear thin after awhile. Some people successfully manage being opposites but I couldn’t. Better to have someone who‘s more like you than not IMO.

 

[heartsbeating]

I grew up in a culture where people and family gatherings are very common.

My grandma had 7 kids and 20 grandchildren. She always had visitors at her house. She loved feeding people! Her main meals were lunch and afternoon coffee. She had a big dinning room table and she always set it up with a big table cloth, place mats, silverware and wine glasses. She sat at one end and we all enjoyed her yummy cooking and conversation.

I wish I could host meals like her! I'm an introvert and in my mind I think I'm not a good host. Even though my friends love it when we invite them over, I feel very anxious about my hosting abilities. I worry about my house not being clean enough, the food not being good enough, my conversation skills not good enough. I'm exhausted after hosting a get together!

I don't know how to relax when I have people over. My husband is very social and he is relaxed and happy. He enjoys the company and the conversation. I have to drink and then I can relax! Lol!

I don't why I feel so much pressure to have everything perfect when hosting a party. Like I said, our friends love it when we invite them over.

I need some tips on how to enjoy and relax at my own party!

I'm curious... you mention anxiety about hosting and worrying about not being good enough. Do you feel this relates to introversion or is it more social anxiety? As for tips about how not to worry about the house being clean enough, the food not being good enough, your conversation skills not being good enough, and the pressure you feel to have everything 'perfect' even though evidence has shown you that your friends love visiting; all I can offer is my perspective as someone that enjoys hosting.

While I do ensure our home is clean because I like to know it's done (sometimes the party is a good excuse just to get things done that we've been putting off), I can't say that I worry about how friends might perceive whether our home is clean enough. Perhaps because I know that when I'm a guest, I'm not really noticing this about their home. I'm focused on the company. Also, if they're in our home, then there's a level of intimacy / friendship and I don't anticipate my friends judging me on such things. Also, the main aspects will be clean and tidy, but if someone were to look closely, I don't mop our wooden floors before hosting as I figure it's afterwards they're going to need a clean. And, if someone were to open our pantry, they'll see the disorganization but that's how we live! Our friends also know that I love to arrange the 'details' (which typically includes looking on pinterest for ideas) and are accepting of this. They also know that I'm likely providing the scaled-back version of what I have in mind!

As mentioned, Batman takes care of the food. I personally wouldn't think to consider whether it was good enough. People enjoy his cooking, and if they don't, that's okay too. For a party, we go for more buffet style / help yourself and which is typically more (substantial) finger-foods. Also, when I'm a guest at a friends home, I'm not judging their food. I can't think of a time where I haven't enjoyed food with friends.

And with conversation skills, eh I just am who I am and all that I am. Most of the time conversations are fluid, natural, and interesting. And I like to engage through asking questions. Other times, I can have awkward human moments, and admittedly, I typically call it out as it happens and have a laugh. In saying all of this, while I enjoy trying to ensure people enjoy themselves, I don't feel it's my responsibility whether they actually do or not. As a host, I can help to facilitate a comfortable setting, ensure things that are needed or wanted are there, encourage connection, and that kind of thing, but ultimately it's up to the individual to make it what they want.

Summarized version: in contradiction to the stand-up comedy I posted, surround yourself with people who aren't going to judge you on whether the floors need a mop, or your dish didn't turn out as hoped, or there were pauses in conversation (which is okay, too). And perhaps don't judge yourself on these things either. Basically, give slightly less of a funk in the best possible way... that leads me to feeling... yay friends are here! Welcome! It's so great to see you!

 

[heartsbeating]

It can greatly help to be with someone who’s similar. My ex-husband wasn’t as introverted as I am but he understood because he was similar. The extrovert that I considered marrying would have had a very difficult time dealing with me and I would have had a very difficult time dealing with him. He was sure I would change and I knew I never would. Our marriage wouldn’t have lasted a year. The old saying about opposites attracting can be true but that can also wear thin after awhile. Some people successfully manage being opposites but I couldn’t. Better to have someone who‘s more like you than not IMO.

I think anyone who is trying to 'change' another is setting themselves up for disappointment. You're a wise woman for seeing it for what it was. You know who you are, and you expressed that.

 

[pastasauce79]

and the pressure you feel to have everything 'perfect' even though evidence has shown you that your friends love visiting; all I can offer is my perspective as someone that enjoys hosting.

You are completely right! My friends love coming over and I love visiting them as well, and I don't care how good their place looks, or how good the food is. I really enjoy their company.

I have a little bit of social anxiety. I need to learn how relax and go with the flow.

 

[southbound]

I have friends over at times, but it’s just to hang out. We get a pizza or something. I can share a bit of southern hospitality from my grandparents generation.

We live in Ky, and we had relatives that lived in California. They would come once a year and stay a week. My grandmother felt it was her job to keep food in their stomach.

She would bring in enough groceries to feed an army and present three meals a day for them.

Whenever she visited them in California, customs were different. Everybody was doing their own thing, and an official meal time was hardly mentioned. She said everybody had their own stash of junk food.
They had one official meal in a week. She just fixed sandwiches and such in her own.

 

[heartsbeating]

I have friends over at times, but it’s just to hang out. We get a pizza or something. I can share a bit of southern hospitality from my grandparents generation.

We live in Ky, and we had relatives that lived in California. They would come once a year and stay a week. My grandmother felt it was her job to keep food in their stomach.

She would bring in enough groceries to feed an army and present three meals a day for them.

Whenever she visited them in California, customs were different. Everybody was doing their own thing, and an official meal time was hardly mentioned. She said everybody had their own stash of junk food.
They had one official meal in a week. She just fixed sandwiches and such in her own.

Any particular dishes she was known for?

 

[southbound]

Any particular dishes she was known for?

It was just what I would consider regular food for us: Fried chicken, country ham, mashed potatoes, corn, cornbread, bacon, and things like that.

 

[Tasorundo]

I love cooking and I love hosting people! Over the years, we have gone through spurts of regularly hosting people and then not for a while.

Typically, I like to have events that sort of flow, with people eating, mingling, and not a real 'set' time for a meal. A good example, is that we have hosted several pizza related events. I would make enough dough for 15-30 personal pizzas, and have the main ingredients. Everyone that comes brings a topping they like, and enough for multiple people. The crust was a Neapolitan type and I have multiple stones and good convection oven. You have 3 people make pizzas at a time, they cook for about 8 minutes, then you rotate.

While that is going on, you have some drinks, people mingle in and out of the kitchen. Our old house had a formal and informal dining area that was split by the kitchen. So, it made for a good mix of people.

We did similar things with fajitas, street tacos, etc.

I usually get caught up in the events and making sure everything goes well, but I love it. At the end I am exhausted, but it makes me happy to see everyone having a good time.

When I attend other people's gatherings, I usually try to jump in and help as well, because, I like to do it!

 

[heartsbeating]

@Tasorundo ...yes! We have attended a couple of home-made pizza parties, we add our chosen ingredients and share, typically sitting outdoors and different pizzas come out at different times between chatting and having a good time. Nice one!