Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 13 of 13 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,361 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
We all know about how someone can neglect their relationship over and over again even when their spouse is threatening divorce. I'm planning to write about this soon, but I'd like to get some thoughts on one certain aspect before I do....

In your experience, what is it about "yes, there's someone else I am talking to" that makes a person get serious about fixing their shortcomings when nothing else manages to convince them of the need?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
561 Posts
Oh, the threat of another person swooping in is a HUGE wake up call. Because all of a sudden you realize that you are not invincible and you CAN be replaced. And of course there is always that competition angle. It's sad that it has to come to that though and I'd hope no one says that just for the sake of saying it. Especially if it's not true. Those things have a way of rearing their ugly head later. May be a short term fix to get a relationship back on track but in the long run it's going to bite you in the butt once things settle down.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,707 Posts
personally,i don't play games.
when another person is mentioned as a way to make a partner fix shortcomings,i'd be the person who tells them to have at it if they think someone else is better for them. Then i will go work on my shortcomings by myself and i'll be glad I didn't play the game.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
855 Posts
It brings out every insecurity you've ever felt about yourself as a partner. It brings out the fear that your partner sees every one of those insecurities as weakness and will find someone without those weaknesses.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
561 Posts
OK, after reading the other responses after mine I should stick up for myself and say that if my significant other came to me today and said there was someone else I'd say, "OK, good luck!". :) I don't play those games either anymore. But back in the day I would have fought, begged and pleaded for another chance. When I look back at those times I just see a pathetic little girl who didn't get a cold glass of milk with her oreos.

So my response was based on how I used to be. ;-)
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,714 Posts
We all know about how someone can neglect their relationship over and over again even when their spouse is threatening divorce. I'm planning to write about this soon, but I'd like to get some thoughts on one certain aspect before I do....

In your experience, what is it about "yes, there's someone else I am talking to" that makes a person get serious about fixing their shortcomings when nothing else manages to convince them of the need?
Fear of failure is a very big motivator, perhaps the biggest of all motivators. Fear of loss/failure is all wrapped up in jealousy.


Fear of failure motivates many men to go above and beyond the call of duty.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,714 Posts
KB you may benefit from looking into jealousy, to truly comprehend and understand it as its obvious from your post that you don’t.



Once you do understand jealousy many things about human nature and instinctual behaviour in relationships currently hidden from you will become exceptionally clear, transparent to you.


I think jealousy is one of the most misunderstood, demonised and underrated terms, concepts, on the planet.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
14,190 Posts
KathyBatesel said: In your experience, what is it about "yes, there's someone else I am talking to" that makes a person get serious about fixing their shortcomings when nothing else manages to convince them of the need?
Me & mine has never faced this in our marriage --- but Had he used that on me while dating... when I broke up with him for a short time....I just KNOW ....had another woman popped up there -for him..& he was interested in her......I would have ran back to him like a bat out of hell.

Jealously is a very powerful motivator... until we feel it's pain & threat to what we have always known.... we may have fallen into the "taking for granted" way of treating a spouse, or loved one.

Suddenly realizing we are not the end all - that our spouse can be loved, craved & desired by another .... that's freaking huge....and/or realizing they have deep feelings for another ...that they can get over us...they don't live, breathe & die for just us.

Yeah...that would DO ME in, put a flame so hot under my ass, I'd do anything to get what I had back... like that song "Don't know what you got till it's gone"... that speaks it all.

Lesson.... be thankful, really see what is right in front of us, appreciate the good, validate each other, water our own gardens - so the other isn't tempted to water another's .
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,361 Posts
Discussion Starter #12
KB you may benefit from looking into jealousy, to truly comprehend and understand it as its obvious from your post that you don’t.



Once you do understand jealousy many things about human nature and instinctual behaviour in relationships currently hidden from you will become exceptionally clear, transparent to you.


I think jealousy is one of the most misunderstood, demonised and underrated terms, concepts, on the planet.
Oh, I'm confident that I understand jealousy and insecurity pretty well. I'm not at all confused about my opinion about the reasons for this phenomenon. I asked because I'm interested in seeing if there's some aspect I hadn't considered, but so far, it seems that everyone's response is consistent with what I've observed.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,361 Posts
Discussion Starter #13
Thank you everyone who took the time to respond to this. I haven't wanted to comment myself since I don't want to influence responses, but I appreciate everybody's input. I know you didn't have to take the time, especially for something like this.
 
1 - 13 of 13 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top