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My husband and I of four years are having some serious issues….. to summarize he had a son a couple of months before we had our 5 year old son together …therefore he was cheating on me with another woman. I forgave him and we moved on with problems of me not trusting him to trying to accept the child as a part of my family all when he wanted it to happen not when I was ready. Recently he has become very distant towards me. I feel it and I have talked to him about it as recently as this past weekend. I told him how I felt, I told him I miss him spooning me at night, caressing or just being close, his excuse was he doesn’t feel good about himself and that being intimate or acknowledging how I feel is not on his mind and I shouldn’t think that he doesn’t love me or want to be with me anymore, that night he tried to spoon me but it wasn’t natural it felt like he forced it and I wound up silently crying myself to sleep…Let me go back and explain his situation …he doesn’t have any legal papers he is an immigrant and I am trying to help get his US residency which we could have had a very long time ago but our relationship problems, him cheating on me and me feeling used stood in the way so now until he gets his papers he can not work or anything, therefore for the last 2 years I have been taking care of him and our son we have together and my son from a past relationship.

We have sex once a week and when we do I am the one initiating it, so yesterday I tried to initiate it because I thought it would bring us closer maybe spark a flame or something and I just wanted to be with him, but he stopped and showed no interest in foreplay or sex I looked at him and asked him what happened and he didn’t answer so I just turned over and ignored him because I am tired of trying to talk and work things out with myself. Needless to say nothing happened he left the house and came back in the evening he didn’t even talk to me he sat in the living room watching TV until 2am then he came to bed and once again nothing it was like he wasn’t there again he didn’t even try to get close to me.

This morning he called me @ work and asked me about some paperwork that I am suppose to send the immigration lawyer which I am paying for and I said so now I exist , now you acknowledge me ??and he was stuck for words and I told him he was a jerk because he only communicates or acknowledges me when it’s to his benefit he then played dumb and asked me what I was talking about and I said about you ignoring and making me feel like you don’t want to be with me he played dumb again and said what r u talking about and I said, please don’t play dumb with me you know what I’m talking about you have been ignoring me and you have become very distant since last month and our sex life is none. I then said look at what you did yesterday when I wanted to become intimate and he said what you know what I wanted and I said why is it always about what you want I have needs too…please keep in mind I have and have always had to beg for foreplay which for him he massaging my breast a new addition 2 years ago was to suck them ( yep, I been with him through all of this, you would think I would change my name by now to dummy ! ) !!! He always wants me to please him orally and sometimes I don’t want to, especially since sex has been so scarce now and whenever it starts to happen I am so excited that I want it to happen before I lose the feeling because like I said he doesn’t do much to stimulate me anyway so when I get the spark we have to go all the way right away because he doesn’t know how keep it going , so I said to him I am the woman here and you are the man I asked him why can’t he just put what he wants on the side one time I do it all the time for him being that I am the only one giving extra sexually sometime because I want to but majority of the time is because I feel I have to, he doesn’t do the oral thing to me and he has never done it before to anyone it’s against his culture, but I don’t complain and the one time I just wanted him to just have plain old fashion sex as in the past he wanted to get pleased orally and catered to, I told him he was crazy and that what he’s doing is wrong ! He told me to do what I have to do meaning find someone who can please me. My apologies for the grammar and the run on sentences but I am just so upset I can’t really think straight right now, please help! What now ?
 

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I feel sorry for your husband.

In the book 1984 by O. Wells he would be considered a non-person. You have complete control of his life. He is depressed. He might feel depressed at the way he is treated by you that if you are not pleased with him you can hold his very humanity over him, or the fact he feels he has failed as a father/husband/provider.

draconis
 
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