[Mr The Other]

Some men should be more insecure in their masculinity.
A man who thinks his manliness is not being able to look after himself or think further than wanting to watch TV is a child.
He then posts on here and some women will be left with the impression that this is typical behaviour.

 

[Divinely Favored]

My wife used to get agitated by putting a wrapper on the end table. She expected you to get up and go throw it in the trash. Not wait until i got up to go refill my tea glass, but now when i was through eating what ever it was. Annoyed me her being that way.

Now there is a waste backet near my recliner so i can make 2pts and it keeps her end table clear and she dont have to get up and go throw it in the trash immediately.

Used to drive me nuts that she would complain about all she had to do around the house but when i would try to help she would get irritated because it was not how she would have done it herself. We had different process of filling the washer for clothes. Now she just says what are you doing my job for?

I know how to wash clothes, i got this, you were busy. She now just says hey, your in my lane. Meaning this is wifely duties in her mind and go relax or something. So Sat AM i change out drain hose on dishwasher and get on house to get it winterized. Back in my lane.

Alot of quirks can be overlooked if the relationship is really good. I have seen story from woman who constantly griped at her husband about sox in the floor, etc. Things that irritated her that she nagged about. She had been married for a number of years and was in 60s. He died. How she had constantly griped at him about sox and insignificant things that caused her to be on edge with him, suddenly did not mean anything. She was regrettful how she behaved toward him emotionally over such things. She said she thinks about that and wishes she could pick up his sox still.

 

[lifeistooshort]

Some men should be more insecure in their masculinity.
A man who thinks his manliness is not being able to look after himself or think further than wanting to watch TV is a child.
He then posts on here and some women will be left with the impression that this is typical behaviour.

I think most of us have known enough men to know that plenty aren't like this and all deserve to be evaluated for who they are.

 

[kag123]

For me it's attitude.

He has a certain tone of voice when he's in a pissy mood. Sharp, sarcastic and exasperated. He's usually quiet and withdrawn when he's in a bad mood and I don't always pick up on it. I might ask him something like "hey, can you switch the laundry around next time you're downstairs?" and he will immediately snap at me "Yea, when I get to it." Its all tone and body language. Maybe not a great example but my question didn't warrant that type of response. He sometimes does it when I am telling him a story too. Usually I get upset for two reasons: First, I grew up in a house with an angry father and it's a huge trigger for me to hear that tone of voice. Instantly makes me feel like that powerless little kid being scolded for something I didn't even know I did wrong. Second, I usually don't notice that he's in one of those moods before I approach him and so it catches me completely off guard to suddenly be met with that tone.

I'm trying to work with him on apologizing for it. Owning that he's in a bad mood, saying "ugh sorry I'm just in a bad spot" is a totally fine response and would eliminate all of my bad feelings. Doesn't require pouring his heart out about it if he doesn't want to talk about it further. I don't push this as far as I probably should. I tend to let it slide and give him space until he's back to normal, which usually doesn't take long.

It also extends to how he sometimes speaks to our kids. It makes ME angry when he gets over-the-top angry with them because there has so far been NOTHING in their lives that justifies that level of response. Going back to what I mentioned above, it's a trigger for me given how I grew up. I am more firm with him when he's acting that way to our kids. I make him apologize and talk it out with them.

We both grew up with angry fathers... why are you men always so angry??

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk

 

[Spicy]

I get annoyed when he tells me to do the same thing multiple times, when I absolutely always do what I say I will. Plus, he “reminds me” before I have even had time to do whatever it is. Maddening.

 

[LosingHim]

For me it's attitude.

He has a certain tone of voice when he's in a pissy mood. Sharp, sarcastic and exasperated. He's usually quiet and withdrawn when he's in a bad mood and I don't always pick up on it. I might ask him something like "hey, can you switch the laundry around next time you're downstairs?" and he will immediately snap at me "Yea, when I get to it." Its all tone and body language. Maybe not a great example but my question didn't warrant that type of response. He sometimes does it when I am telling him a story too. Usually I get upset for two reasons: First, I grew up in a house with an angry father and it's a huge trigger for me to hear that tone of voice. Instantly makes me feel like that powerless little kid being scolded for something I didn't even know I did wrong. Second, I usually don't notice that he's in one of those moods before I approach him and so it catches me completely off guard to suddenly be met with that tone.

I'm trying to work with him on apologizing for it. Owning that he's in a bad mood, saying "ugh sorry I'm just in a bad spot" is a totally fine response and would eliminate all of my bad feelings. Doesn't require pouring his heart out about it if he doesn't want to talk about it further. I don't push this as far as I probably should. I tend to let it slide and give him space until he's back to normal, which usually doesn't take long.

It also extends to how he sometimes speaks to our kids. It makes ME angry when he gets over-the-top angry with them because there has so far been NOTHING in their lives that justifies that level of response. Going back to what I mentioned above, it's a trigger for me given how I grew up. I am more firm with him when he's acting that way to our kids. I make him apologize and talk it out with them.

We both grew up with angry fathers... why are you men always so angry??

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk

My husband has this "mood speak" too. When I bring it up, he will deny he said anything in any tone of voice or that he didn't mean anything by it, but he'll still do it. It certainly comes across that he is angry at ME. I didn't grow up with an angry father, but things that come across as anger immediately put me on edge. He does this often with our dogs too. He loves them, but gets easily annoyed by them. So he seems so frustrated every time he talks to them and I hate that. He also gets frustrated easily (admittedly has a temper, blames it on HIS dad) and if he gets frustrated, usually something is yelled out and then he'll mumble under his breath. I can't hear what he's saying, but I know it's negative. I don't like it at all.

 

[notmyjamie]

I think anytime someone treats me like they are so much more important than me or that my needs/desires don't matter that's going to put me off. My exH has done the change the TV channel thing before...I didn't freak out on him before but I did get mad. One day I got mad enough to say something...his answer was that he felt that at a certain time of the night the evening becomes about us doing something together not each of us doing our own thing. He thought he was doing a good thing and many times he had turned off something downstairs that he wanted to watch so that he could join me in the bedroom and we could have some time together. While I applauded his motive his execution sucked. He should have said that and not just assumed I knew what was going through his mind as he turned off something that had 10 minutes left on the program. Interestingly, when he stopped coming upstairs for us t spend time together, our dysfunctional marriage completely fell apart.

In your case, you just didn't consider the needs, ideas, thoughts of your wife. I don't watch soap operas, but I know women who do don't like to miss a day of them as they sometimes wait months for something big to happen and it may be that you turned it off just as something she's been waiting for finally happened and so now she missed it. I'd freak out on you too. You treated her like she didn't matter and only what you want matters. And I'm guessing it's not the first, second, or third time so after so many times, yes, she's going to explode. How would you feel if she turned off the Superbowl your team was playing in when they were just about to win? You'd explode too.

I think you need to start asking yourself before you just do stuff if you have considered her feelings on the matter. Is your action something that acts like she isn't even there? Disputes about silly stuff, "I want blue curtains, well I want red" are not in the same league as "you always do stuff without even considering that I exist."

And honestly, if you are trying to get better because it's important to you to treat your wife better, you shouldn't be asking us, you should be asking her. It might be a tough conversation for you to have but try not to get defensive. You've already said you are a product of your upbringing...you need her help to overcome that.

I wish you the best of luck. Your wife is lucky you care enough to make these changes.

 

[WandaJ]

For example, "Ain't you pay our f*ckin rent @$$head?" is considered normal "guy talk".

yeah, normal guy talk, that's fine. so just keep it with the guys, but not with with your wife. It does sound angry and entitled.

All these things that you call "minor" are things that show your wife that you do not respect her, and do not consider her needs at the same level as yours. She probably has been asking you for years not to do those things, and you just keep disregarding as her being too sensitive. Am I close?
Be careful - when she stops fighting you and just says nothing when you change the channel and just leaves the room, she has started emotionally checking out from this marriage. The next step is divorce.

 

[Divinely Favored]

I get annoyed when he tells me to do the same thing multiple times, when I absolutely always do what I say I will. Plus, he “reminds me” before I have even had time to do whatever it is. Maddening.

Really?! Some hubbys will say that sounds just like their wives.

 

[Ragnar Ragnasson]

I'm sure I don't do anything to annoy DW.
Mostly,
Well maybe.

Nevermind.

 

[aine]

I laughed out loud reading this because you sound like my H with the 'cuss' words which I really hate and the changing the TV without asking (he used to, not anymore cause I pointed out how inconsiderate and unthoughtful it is). I think manners are important but being thoughtful of another person is also important, no need to be a selfish prick because there really is no other word for it. Things my H has done that annoy me include.

1. playing sports and leaving his sweaty stuff outside the shower instead of putting them in laundry (they stink up the place), it is inconsiderate and annoying. If the bedroom smells as a result I go sleep in the spare bedroom
2. Using the toilet and not checking for skid marks, etc., why? you think I should clean up your ****? literally!
3. Using the excuse that he just didn't think, or forgot, etc. if it is doing something around the house, or picking up something. When it comes to his sports on TV he doesn't forget, or booking a golf game, etc. If I can remember to pick up food, milk, dogfood, etc. on the way back from work or wherever so can you! My point is, people will remember when they make people/others a priority.
4. Not answering when I ask him something. He does have a hearing problem in one ear so I often have to repeat myself but sometimes I think he has selective hearing.

My solution, is to point out the issue immediately and you forget or are thoughtless, then two can play that game. I also will not make his thing a priority and will also forget, overlook etc.
I think for many wives it is more about the lack of respect when requests have been made not to do something.
Though I must admit the older my H has gotten the better he is and on the whole I don't let his foibles bother me much. To me its about choosing the battles and these are not really worth losing sleep over.

 

[aine]

Not picking up after yourself. Leaving socks/clothes on the floor for someone else to pick up.

I hate it when he leaves his plate on the table after eating, or when he just sets it in the sink. He SHOULD clean up after himself, empty the plate then rinse it off then put it in the dishwasher. Expecting me to pick up after him is super disrespectful.

She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes By The Sink

It wasn’t a big deal to me when I was married. But it was a big deal to her.

www.huffpost.com

the key line in the article is
Telling a man something that doesn’t make sense to him once, or a million times, doesn’t make him “know” something. 😂

 

[EvelynRose]

My husband has a way of "picking at me" that drives me crazy. If I'm cooking dinner, he will repeatedly ask if it's done yet. He's doing it as a joke, and he thinks it's funny but it drives me bonkers. He also has a very bad habit of not answering me when I ask him something. He'll just sit there and then I have to ask again. He can also be very passive aggressive in his comments. I'm currently painting a room in our house. Like the dinner questions he keeps asking me if I'm done yet (as a joke). Annoying. But I had to prime the room first and the paint went on a little thin the first coat. So I put on a second coat. He came in the room and asked if I was priming the walls or painting them white. Essentially saying that I was using too much primer. Generally any time I do a project on my own, he will offer "suggestions" or "comments" but rarely helps. Or he'll flat out tell me that something won't work even though I know it will. But NEVER offers to help.

Glad it's not just me. My H does this to me ALL the time... It's so annoying 🌹

 

[joannacroc]

Rolling eyes at me, ridiculing my POV, using quasi-legalese incorrectly to try and make his argument more impressive, cutting me off when I'm talking, making fun of the way I dress, how I parent in a way he found "funny" but I found hurtful. When things add up and you feel disrespected by your partner, you might mention it (not every time). But if it continues, you can assume they don't think it's a big deal. As I used to say "You don't think it's a big deal because it doesn't bother YOU, but it hurts me when you do X." None of these are why he is XH but they certainly didn't help.

 

[DownByTheRiver]

Now, changing the channel in the middle of her program is NOT a minor thing. Very rude. How would you have felt if she did that to you?

Of course, that's an easy fix. Get a second tv.

Sounds like you are doing your best to change your manners you grew up with (I grew up in the country and I cussed a LOT -- everyone did). When I moved to the city, I made a few people blanche. I cleaned it up a little, not a lot.

Things that irritate me are people who leave their things, glasses, socks, etc. just laying around and don't put them up. I'm not a good housekeeper, but the one thing that saves me is I don't leave anything left out that I'm done with. Creates more housecleaning, that's why.

One old bf used to talk so much it was hard to leave the room. I don't know, maybe he missed some social queues, as they say now. It bothered a lot of people worse than it did me, but it was hard to get anything done and one reason I didn't want to move in together in later years.

A lot of women are bothered by guys who do anything that excludes them. Biggest thing these days is video games. (but some women will also play, but a lot gripe about that's all they do) In my day, that was watching sports, which I hate, but my guys all pretty much knew better to take that elsewhere, especially because I had a tiny tv they didn't want to watch it on anyway.

 

[Luckylucky]

Mine also comes from a rough poor family, and calls me a dame all the time and thinks it matters to me where he came from and that he has to change.

No, he doesn’t.

But it destroys me on the inside when I get called that a dame, fancy, proper. I am the way I am and can’t help how I speak or look.
I’m no more responsible for my background than he is for his. Because I feel like I’m not good enough, feel stupid and sad and worth so much less than him. And I’m constantly reminded that I don’t fit into his world, and that he is more important. One example, his brother’s new wife is from his hometown. He tells me all the time how great she is and how well she fits in with the family. The two of them joke together about ‘the dame’. Ah well.

I love him for who he is, I don’t care where he came from. But yes I’m a dame to him and proper and it’s this is how he hurts and offends me.

My husband is also loves that he is loyal to everyone, his friends and family etc. he would never ever change a channel or look bad in any of their eyes, he’s kind and respectful to them and would drop everything to help everyone else. I already know I’m not allowed to ask for help or respect. A thousand times I know it. I love to sit with him when he calls his family and his friends and see how he comes alive, I’m so happy for him, and I stare at him like an idiot, so proud and bursting with love that he’s free and happy. But I know as soon as the phone call is over, that beautiful man is gone, and I’m going to see the angry bitter face.

He will do the absolute worst to me - and I’m talking about little things like the channel changing. (He’s never changed a channel on me, but do you see what I’m talking about here?)

It kills a woman inside to see that you matter so little to the one that’s supposed to love you.

She’s blowing up because she knows she’s so low on your list. She knows you would never ever do that to anyone else but her.

Really, I don’t think you need to change how you talk, your slang is the very least of the things you need to worry about. She knows it’s how she talks that makes you angry, that neat English of hers. She chose you just the way you were and I bet it matters nothing how you talk and where you’re from, I would guess that she actually loves how you rough talk. She chose you.

How often do you chose HER?