[YupItsMe]

What would you teach your daughter about alpha/beta males, dating & marriage?

At what age?

 

[YupItsMe]

To what do I owe this overwhelming response?

 

[ARF]

This is an interesting question. When my daughter gets to an age where she is colse to dating, I will try to teach her the following.

Anyone she dates should:

1. Treat her well and respect her.
2. If she is still at home, he needs to respect the rules she has to live by (i.e. get her home by curfew, be out of our house by curfew, etc).
3. Allow her to be herself and have time in her other interests or with her friends and family.
4. Respect her wishes and her bounderies as well as her parent's wishes for her.
5. No control, anger, or jealousy issues.

Just to name a few. I know it doesn't really address the alpha/beta thing but just a general expectation I have for the men or boys that may romantically enter my daughter's life. Alpha or beta doesn't really matter provided these needs are met. I suppose a mix of both is ideal.

I think you start teaching those points once they start making friends, and continue with those when they reach the age where there is an apparent interest in boys.

 

[I'mInLoveWithMyHubby]

Nothing. I don't really believe in it personally.

 

[RandomDude]

Right now, I just hope she no longer keeps kissing boys in school

She's still young, we'll revisit this in a few years heh

 

[YupItsMe]

Anyone she dates should:

1. Treat her well and respect her.
2. If she is still at home, he needs to respect the rules she has to live by (i.e. get her home by curfew, be out of our house by curfew, etc).
3. Allow her to be herself and have time in her other interests or with her friends and family.
4. Respect her wishes and her bounderies as well as her parent's wishes for her.
5. No control, anger, or jealousy issues.

general expectation I have for the men or boys that may romantically enter my daughter's life. Alpha or beta doesn't really matter provided these needs are met. I suppose a mix of both is ideal.

Good stuff. Thank you

 

[turnera]

When considering dating a guy, first watch how he treats his parents, how he treats the unfortunate, and how he treats those in the service industry. It will tell you all you need to know about him.

Seriously, though, I told DD22 at around 12 to NOT date the good looking or the rich guys - they have always had it easy and are unlikely to have developed a good sense of caring for others. So far, it's panned out that way; the ones who were hot, turned out to be jerks.

 

[turnera]

I also taught her at around 15 (when most girls are deciding to find their 'one true love') to just date a bunch of guys and have fun in high school. Everyone is going to change and pinning your hopes on a guy in high school is an effort in frustration. At 18 I taught her now you can start trying guys on more seriously to see what kind of guy is a better fit, but don't put them ahead of school. See if you can hold out getting serious until you're getting close to graduating college and starting your career, as you won't know where you'll end up working; if you get tied up now, ONE of you may have to give up their dream job - look for a guy where you start your career.

This is more a study in maturity than alpha/beta. But she's a psych major so she knows more about that stuff than I do. So far, she's been so picky she hasn't had to deal with too much.

 

[Bobby5000]

Never go somewhere alone with someone you meet at a bar. Always have a girlfriend with you and never separate. I would be worried about her physical safety.

Have confidence, don't do anything you are uncomfortable with. Be a good person, try to improve the world. Look for inner beauty in someone else and try to practice that yourself and find someone looking for that.

 

[DTO]

Timely post - my daughter (a child aware of romantic relationships) remarked her mom is visibly discouraging affectionate gestures from her fiance. This indicates the same issues we had. So, I felt I had to address this issue head-on.

I told my daughter (age-appropriately, of course) that her mom had issues (no specifics). If you don't like a guy to where you want the hugs and kisses, you should not marry him.

I clarified that everyone expects to receive generously from a spouse, But, not everyone is prepared to give back generously, and that is where troubles set it. I told my daughter I wanted her to save marriage for after she had a job she wanted and had built a happy life for herself, so that she had enough to share with whomever she liked.

Luckily she was troubled by her mom's behavior, so I don't think she thought any of that was acceptable. But she's old enough for me to start shaping her life in this manner.

P.S. I also make sure my interactions with my daughter model this appropriately as well. I make sure she knows that her wants and needs have value but they aren't the only factor and sometimes you just have to go along and sacrifice a bit. I think there's nothing better than actually modeling good behavior.

 

[turnera]

DTO, I take it your daughter is a tween/teen? If so, there's an amazing website I urge you to share with her, use it together - has tons of articles, 'what would you do' types of things, great conversation starters, and tons of great advice for girls 10-20. It's called Daughters.com.

 

[DTO]

DTO, I take it your daughter is a tween/teen? If so, there's an amazing website I urge you to share with her, use it together - has tons of articles, 'what would you do' types of things, great conversation starters, and tons of great advice for girls 10-20. It's called Daughters.com.

She's a bit young for that, but I'll keep it in mind. Thanks!

 

[SimplyAmorous]

To complicate things further, you can add ....a host more labels in this besides Alpha / Beta... we also have Deltas, Gammas, Lambdas , Sigma's and Omegas. A little explanation here:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/46682-alpha-betas-delta-etc.html

The Alpha Traits are those associated with classic “manly man” strengths. Power, dominance, physical ability, bravery, wealth, cool and confidence. Oh and good genes. These are the things that attract women and turn them on sexually. The Alpha Traits are linked to the dopamine response in women.

Alpha = attraction building = Dopamine = In Love = Excitement

The Beta Traits are those associated with the strengths of being a nice guy / “family man”. Kindness, being a good listener, the ability to help with the children, dependability, thoughtfulness, compassion and patience. These all create a sense of comfort and safety for the woman, and relax her because she feels that if she became pregnant, the Beta Trait male isn’t going to abandon her and the baby.

Beta = comfort building = Oxytocin / Vasopressin = Pair Bond = Calm Enjoyment"

So Alpha Traits create attraction and that “in love” feeling, and Beta Traits create the pair bond and makes her feel relaxed enough to have sex. You need a balance of both Alpha and Beta in a marriage to maximize her desire to have sex with you.

Delta Males: These kind of guys put off a good front of acting like they're "Alpha males" by conforming into whatever is fashionable and admired by the masses. Most of these men (if you can call them that) need a lot of assurance by society to the point of having little backbone to think for themselves. Sure, many Delta males are surrounded by "friends" and are good at get their fair share of girls by "wooing" them with some pop-culture nonsense (whether it's A&F-style gauche preppiness or poser hip-hop wannabe thuggishness), but that crowd and attention is more imperative for their self-esteem than anything else. For if you take away all of the girls from them and get these same males by themselves, a Delta male's personality completely changes and their "true self" is revealed. Many of these kind of guys are rather weak-minded, crowd-pleasing, conformists who aren't even worthy of the name "Covert Betas" and "Betas in the Closet."

Gamma Males: These kind of dudes are more or less self-reliant, self-motivated, and self-assured in their own personality that no one can change their ways. Some of these kind of males are considered loners, but this is not to case for all Gamma Males. Because of their stern personality, many people tend to write off these men as "Betas" by default because they won't conform to being whatever "Chic Alpha" trait exists during that time period.

The man who's confident in his own self-worth and looks is said to go a long way with what women want. But as for recent times (I'll say since the early 2000s), most females are more impressed with being "wooed" with inane attributes, something that most Gamma males will refuse to do unless their original personality is what woos the female. These men, until recently, have had no problems getting with "American females" but recently, even these males are getting thrown in the "weak male" shelf because of their lack of conforming to the masses.

Though getting women - even in today's time - isn't as much of a problem as it is for the "stereotypical Alpha Male," this is still a concern for quite a few Gamma males who were either born too recent (those in their teens and twenties) or those who live in areas where narcissism and American pop-culture rule the minds of the masses.

Lambdas - the gays. They have their own social hierarchy. They can fill any role from Alpha to Omega, but they tend to play the part rather than actually be it because the heterosexual social construct only encompasses the public part of their lives. Example: Neil Patrick Harris. Suggestion: Straights will be more tolerant if you keep the bathhouse behavior behind closed doors.

Sigmas - the lone wolves. Occasionally mistaken for Alphas, particularly by women and Alphas, they are not leaders and will actively resist the attempt of others to draft them. Alphas instinctively view them as challenges and either dislike or warily respect them. Some Deltas and most Omegas fancy themselves Sigmas, but the true Sigma's withdrawal from the pack is not a reaction to the way he is treated, it is pure instinct. Example: Clint Eastwood's movie persona. Suggestion: Entertain the possibility that other people are not always Hell. The banal idiocy is incidental, it's not intentional torture.

Omegas - the losers. Even the Gamma males despise them. That which doesn't kill them can make them stronger, but most never surmount the desperate need to belong caused by their social rejection. Omegas can be the most dangerous of men because the pain of their constant rejection renders the suffering of others completely meaningless in their eyes. Omegas tend to cluster in defensive groups; the dividing line between the Omega and the Sigma is twofold and can be easily recognized by a) the behavior of male Betas and Deltas and b) the behavior of women. Women tend to find outliers attractive in general, but while they respond to Sigmas almost as strongly as they do to Alphas, they correctly find Omega males creepier and much scarier than Gamma males. Example: Eric Harris Suggestion: Your rejection isn't entirely personal. Observe the difference in your own behavior and the way the Betas act. And try not to start off conversations with women by sharing "interesting facts" with them.

 

[SimplyAmorous]

What would you teach your daughter about alpha/beta males, dating & marriage?

At what age?

I only have 1 daughter, she is 9, not into boys yet... I love talking about all of this crazy stuff, I already know what I am going to teach her about MEN ... thread here >>

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/family...-sex-relation-love-her-emotions-her-life.html

I hope my daughter marries a Man like her father, that would be my greatest Comfort, I would know she will always be loved & protected... he is tipped more

... he is the FAMILY MAN TYPE....and from those labels I just gave...he is a GAMMA in addition. Not exactly what the majority of women go for.

The Best of men have a healthy Balance of the Alpha/ Beta.

From reading many posts by women explaining what attracts them initially... they are attracted to those tipped more Alpha .... these men show great confidence, they are not too nice, they own a "presence"/ an Edge, other women want them - even fight over them, also women do not care how many chicks they lay.... to win an ALPHA is to win a contest among women ~ so it seems...which further ups their "value".

But are all of these type men the best for them... NO!!!

Just cause women are attracted to them does NOT make them respectable, honorable, honest or have her best intentions at

, or even the "committing" type.

So yeah... she surely needs to have wisdom, don't give herself too soon, be aware of underlying behaviors that could come to haunt her later on... no matter how attractive he seems on the onset/ the outside.

I like this article (a piece of it below)... this is the type of stuff I will teach her...even ALPHA males are not immune to The Power of a Woman.

If a woman recognizes her power over men, and chooses to exercise it, she can own a man. I don’t care who the man is or what he’s accomplished; if she wants him and he’s at all attracted to her, she can own him. Or she can own him as long as she can create illusions in his mind, the kind of illusions that bring on the free-flowing rush of sensations and the thrill of feeling truly alive. Illusions are powerful, maybe the most powerful force of all when it comes to men. A man will do anything, and risk everything, to keep the illusions alive and the sensations flowing. (If you doubt me, think of Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina, who destroyed his political career, and severely damaged his marriage and possibly his relationship with his four sons, when he flew to Buenos Aires to see a woman he was absolutely smitten with).

It’s often said that sex---or, more precisely, a woman’s ability to grant it or withhold it---is the source of a woman’s power over men. In the famous Greek comedy, “Lysistrata”, the women of Athens brought a lengthy war to a halt almost overnight by agreeing to deny their men access to their bedrooms until the fighting had stopped. More recently, a best-selling book by radio personality Steve Harvey, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man”, advises women to enforce the “90 Day Rule”: no sex until you’ve been seeing each other exclusively for at least ninety days. His premise is that a woman’s power over a man is dissipated if she gives herself to him sexually before there is an emotional bonding on his part, but enhanced immeasurably once that bonding does occur.

 

[turnera]

More recently, a best-selling book by radio personality Steve Harvey, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man”, advises women to enforce the “90 Day Rule”: no sex until you’ve been seeing each other exclusively for at least ninety days. His premise is that a woman’s power over a man is dissipated if she gives herself to him sexually before there is an emotional bonding on his part, but enhanced immeasurably once that bonding does occur.

Boy, do I agree with that! I taught my DD22 that, and she tells it to all her friends. Most don't listen, unfortunately. But it's great advice.