Just a short one 
Hi, and here is my issue.
I was married for 20 years and we had 2 beautiful daughters who are now 16 and 19. One is at work and the other at college. I separated from my daughters mother 9 years ago. It was very hard, with tears (mostly from me) flowing and arguments a plenty (mostly from her ). The girls took it well. We sat them down and told them that mum and dad are no longer in love but we love each other, and we are no longer going to live with each other. They said OK we understand, can we go back out to play now?
I moved into a small flat around the corner so I could see the girls playing out and they could visit when they wanted. A month later their mother started a relationship which some say started before we finished, and introduced the man to the girls. This was very hard for me after 20 years as I felt it was far too soon and I knew the man as someone who she walked our dog with. Anyway, that was not the problem, six months later she told me I had to move from my flat because it was too small and people might get the wrong idea about me and the girls. I was horrified about this, because my dad was a sick bastard who I would kill if I ever saw him again, and I would never dream of being anything like him, yet here I am being made to feel like I could be.
I moved out of the flat and into a bigger house a mile away. I kept having the girls over every other weekend and have always to this day paid an agreed and reasonable maintenance figure for the girls. Since the divorce though, I went into a depression that I believe I am still in to this day. I have felt guilt for leaving the girls, and been so ill with it that I have and I am still on medication for it but the girls don’t know that, I will not tell the girls as I want to be seen as strong for them. In 2006 while in work, I was stood on the hard shoulder of the motorway, I was a safety officer looking out for other people working there, when I was struck down by an articulated lorry that crossed onto the hard shoulder. The driver took liability for it saying he didn’t see me. It took 3 years just to straighten my spine out with physiotherapy, but again, I never really went into detail with my daughters, I just told them that the truck bounced off me and the driver was in hospital still
6 Months before the accident I met my wife, who I am still with now. After the accident I moved into her home where she looked after me. She took so much care of me that I don’t know what I would have done without her. We still had my girls stay over at her house every other weekend too, and a year later she suggested we took the girls to the US to Disneyland, and we did. We had an amazing time. A year later she suggest we take the girls on a luxury cruise with P&O, and that was amazing too. We then bought a house together a few miles from my daughters because my new partners house was 20 miles away from them. My daughters thought it would be a good idea if we married, so we did, and I because I wanted to. We had the girls stay every other weekend at the new house for a few years. This was when the problems started.
My daughter were growing up fast and were now 16 and 13. They started to take my wife’s clothes home with them by hiding them in their bags, even though my wife would give them lots of clothes, makeup and other thing often. They would make a mess and leave makeup all over the floor and bedding without seemingly caring.
And I was guilty of being one of those dads who acted as though his kids could do no wrong. I would say something to them, but I held back from punishing them because I felt they might not want to stay over anymore or I didnt want the visit to be sad. My ex came out to the car when I went to pick the girls up a few times and told me that she has to force them to come to stay over because they want to stay with their mates instead sometimes. She said she wasn't going to let them stay at their mates because they needed to maintain a relationship with me. It broke my heart and I knew that the girls had boyfriends or wanted to stay with their mates.
After all, they are young women now and don’t want to have to do anything they don’t want to. My wife couldn’t take anymore of the girls thieving and behaviour, and they even started to disrespect us both by not answering us or not doing what they were told, so she told me to tell them that they were big girls now and they did not need to be forced to stay over anymore as we only live a couple of miles away from their home.
This was very hard for me, and I did understand her because she has never had children and they are big girls, but I told them. We still continued to take them out for dinner once a month or so to catch up, but I missed them dearly. My wife said that we should look for a house that has some land and a place to put a static caravan/trailer, so that the girls will be able to come and stay for holidays with their partners and own families.
So in April this year, I used all my savings and bought an old stone cottage in an acre of land with a forest and a stream and just a long walk to the beach. It really is lovely. We have been given planning permission for the caravan and I have had all the plumbing done for it. We need to sell our other house so that we can buy the caravan and so I can set up my own workshop to work from home as I am unable to work for anyone due to my mental and physical health issues as a result of the accident.
My problem is, that while at my mums for a visit, my wife told my mum that I give my ex money every week for her to spend in the pub and on smokes. Now, its true that my ex is out every night drinking and has introduced the girls to countless new partners, at least a couple a year, but that is her life not mine. I have had one partner since we seperated. Anyway, I went mad at my wife for for bringing maintenance up in front of other people. I told her that she should stop saying that it is for the ex to spend, it is for my daughter and I will continue to pay it until she is 18 or gets a job, even if it means selling the house we live in to do it. She said but you don’t have to pay by law because you are still only on sickness since your accident and get next to nothing everyweek.
I said I don’t care how much I get, there is no way I will stop paying what I agreed to pay. While my wife was in the toilet my mum told me that she was proud of me for keeping up my payments even though by law I didn’t have to.
I am now at a loss as to what to do, because my daughter and my ex’s mum paid a visit to my mum a couple of days ago and shortly after their visit my daughter text me and told me that she loved me to bits, that I was her world, and that she was there for me if I needed to talk. She is just 16 and I am 50. I felt so proud, but so sad. I don’t know what my mum said to her and my ex’s mum, but I fear she told them that she didn’t like
the way my wife had a go at me for paying maintenance, and that I was very sad without my daughters around.
I now feel sick to the stomach and don’t know whether to end it with my new wife and move back to were my daughters are, 42 miles from here. My wife always buys them prezzies still and invites them for lunches, she doesn’t want to be excluded from them and I think she even loves them and says she is looking forward to one day being a granny. So with this issue and the fact that my wife asked me to tell the girls they couldn’ t stay in the house, I am in a right mess. What would you do?
Hi, and here is my issue.
I was married for 20 years and we had 2 beautiful daughters who are now 16 and 19. One is at work and the other at college. I separated from my daughters mother 9 years ago. It was very hard, with tears (mostly from me) flowing and arguments a plenty (mostly from her
). The girls took it well. We sat them down and told them that mum and dad are no longer in love but we love each other, and we are no longer going to live with each other. They said OK we understand, can we go back out to play now? I moved into a small flat around the corner so I could see the girls playing out and they could visit when they wanted. A month later their mother started a relationship which some say started before we finished, and introduced the man to the girls. This was very hard for me after 20 years as I felt it was far too soon and I knew the man as someone who she walked our dog with. Anyway, that was not the problem, six months later she told me I had to move from my flat because it was too small and people might get the wrong idea about me and the girls. I was horrified about this, because my dad was a sick bastard who I would kill if I ever saw him again, and I would never dream of being anything like him, yet here I am being made to feel like I could be.
I moved out of the flat and into a bigger house a mile away. I kept having the girls over every other weekend and have always to this day paid an agreed and reasonable maintenance figure for the girls. Since the divorce though, I went into a depression that I believe I am still in to this day. I have felt guilt for leaving the girls, and been so ill with it that I have and I am still on medication for it but the girls don’t know that, I will not tell the girls as I want to be seen as strong for them. In 2006 while in work, I was stood on the hard shoulder of the motorway, I was a safety officer looking out for other people working there, when I was struck down by an articulated lorry that crossed onto the hard shoulder. The driver took liability for it saying he didn’t see me. It took 3 years just to straighten my spine out with physiotherapy, but again, I never really went into detail with my daughters, I just told them that the truck bounced off me and the driver was in hospital still
6 Months before the accident I met my wife, who I am still with now. After the accident I moved into her home where she looked after me. She took so much care of me that I don’t know what I would have done without her. We still had my girls stay over at her house every other weekend too, and a year later she suggested we took the girls to the US to Disneyland, and we did. We had an amazing time. A year later she suggest we take the girls on a luxury cruise with P&O, and that was amazing too. We then bought a house together a few miles from my daughters because my new partners house was 20 miles away from them. My daughters thought it would be a good idea if we married, so we did, and I because I wanted to. We had the girls stay every other weekend at the new house for a few years. This was when the problems started.
My daughter were growing up fast and were now 16 and 13. They started to take my wife’s clothes home with them by hiding them in their bags, even though my wife would give them lots of clothes, makeup and other thing often. They would make a mess and leave makeup all over the floor and bedding without seemingly caring.
And I was guilty of being one of those dads who acted as though his kids could do no wrong. I would say something to them, but I held back from punishing them because I felt they might not want to stay over anymore or I didnt want the visit to be sad. My ex came out to the car when I went to pick the girls up a few times and told me that she has to force them to come to stay over because they want to stay with their mates instead sometimes. She said she wasn't going to let them stay at their mates because they needed to maintain a relationship with me. It broke my heart and I knew that the girls had boyfriends or wanted to stay with their mates.
After all, they are young women now and don’t want to have to do anything they don’t want to. My wife couldn’t take anymore of the girls thieving and behaviour, and they even started to disrespect us both by not answering us or not doing what they were told, so she told me to tell them that they were big girls now and they did not need to be forced to stay over anymore as we only live a couple of miles away from their home.
This was very hard for me, and I did understand her because she has never had children and they are big girls, but I told them. We still continued to take them out for dinner once a month or so to catch up, but I missed them dearly. My wife said that we should look for a house that has some land and a place to put a static caravan/trailer, so that the girls will be able to come and stay for holidays with their partners and own families.
So in April this year, I used all my savings and bought an old stone cottage in an acre of land with a forest and a stream and just a long walk to the beach. It really is lovely. We have been given planning permission for the caravan and I have had all the plumbing done for it. We need to sell our other house so that we can buy the caravan and so I can set up my own workshop to work from home as I am unable to work for anyone due to my mental and physical health issues as a result of the accident.
My problem is, that while at my mums for a visit, my wife told my mum that I give my ex money every week for her to spend in the pub and on smokes. Now, its true that my ex is out every night drinking and has introduced the girls to countless new partners, at least a couple a year, but that is her life not mine. I have had one partner since we seperated. Anyway, I went mad at my wife for for bringing maintenance up in front of other people. I told her that she should stop saying that it is for the ex to spend, it is for my daughter and I will continue to pay it until she is 18 or gets a job, even if it means selling the house we live in to do it. She said but you don’t have to pay by law because you are still only on sickness since your accident and get next to nothing everyweek.
I said I don’t care how much I get, there is no way I will stop paying what I agreed to pay. While my wife was in the toilet my mum told me that she was proud of me for keeping up my payments even though by law I didn’t have to.
I am now at a loss as to what to do, because my daughter and my ex’s mum paid a visit to my mum a couple of days ago and shortly after their visit my daughter text me and told me that she loved me to bits, that I was her world, and that she was there for me if I needed to talk. She is just 16 and I am 50. I felt so proud, but so sad. I don’t know what my mum said to her and my ex’s mum, but I fear she told them that she didn’t like
the way my wife had a go at me for paying maintenance, and that I was very sad without my daughters around.
I now feel sick to the stomach and don’t know whether to end it with my new wife and move back to were my daughters are, 42 miles from here. My wife always buys them prezzies still and invites them for lunches, she doesn’t want to be excluded from them and I think she even loves them and says she is looking forward to one day being a granny. So with this issue and the fact that my wife asked me to tell the girls they couldn’ t stay in the house, I am in a right mess. What would you do?
