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I originally posted this under the General Discussion section, but was advised to post it here. For those that have already read this under General section, I appreciate you responses. I am posting here as recommended to see if there are any additional thoughts.
Is this emotional infidelity, physical, infidelity, or nothing at all?
A few years ago, my wife was working at a nursing home as a nurse practitioner. In her role she commonly spoke with a male pharmacist, employed by the same company, but located at a different site. It was common for nurses and staff to call her at home after work, and for her to walk out of the room during the phone conversations, which I thought nothing of.
Then, while at a 4th of July celebration, my wife told me about this male pharmacist that worked for the company and how they had become friends. She told me that he was Gay, and that he hated the life style. She also told me that he said he wished that he could quit the life style and he and her move away and start all over. I told her that I thought this to be inappropriate, and I did not like her talking to him.
One night, as I was working on a report for her, she received a phone call and went outside, I became curious and went out the backdoor and around the house to hear her side of the conversation. She was laughing and talking. When she came in I asked who she was talking to and she again told me the pharmacist. I got upset and said that she should not be talking to him, and that it was wrong. She told me that she had rather talk to him than me. After an argument, I finished her report and hope that this would be the end of it.
Then a month or so later I came home from work early to surprise my wife, son and his friend by going to the lake with them, which she had planned. When I got there she was very glad, and asked me to take the kids to the lake, as she needed to stop by her work first, then would be there asap. Disappointed that she would not be there the whole time, I took the kids to the lake, and waited for her to arrive. 3 hours later she was still not there and the beach closed. We went home, and I called my wife’s phone several times, with no answer, then after what seemed like calling 50 times, her phone was answered. A male’s voice said hello, then he it was hung up, and additional calls were not answered. I then called the nursing home and was told that no one had seen my wife in the facility, that afternoon and that they did not believe her to be there.
A few minutes later she called me and said she was on her way home. I asked her where she had been and she said the nursing home, but when I told her that wasn’t true, she said she went to the main corporate office work pick up some medication, and had got me a gift as well. She denied that a male answered her phone, and shared nothing about what she actually did.
She left that position a few months later, and I was glad, since I did not want her to continue to be in the environment, and was not sure if, or what went on. I do not know if this male is gay or not, and I have never met him.
In her new job she, as far as I knew, had not contact with him. Then one day my son and I was too meet her after work, and go to dinner. AS she was busy, it was common for her to be late leaving work. As time approached for her to leave, she called me and ask that I take my son on home, because she was much busier than expected, which was a big change from the conversation on the phone 30 minutes prior.
A day or two later, I happen to look at the texts on her phone and found that this pharmacist came by where she worked about 10 minutes before she was supposed to leave. I also found that she was supposed to have met him earlier that day, but did not make the meeting, and I assume that was why he was not coming by at closing time. I do not know what they were meeting about. And, I do not know if she commonly meets with him.
Needless to say, we had a big argument over this, and in the end, she said that it was all business, that the company (nursing home) was opening a new clinic. And, that he was meeting with her to see how to do the drug labels. I found that very strange, why a pharmacist would need to meet with a nurse practitioner on how to do drug labels, since that is in his arena, not hers.
After a lengthy argument, we finally moved forward, and I hope that she would no longer continue this friendship. I also looked at her phone periodically, and have found not texts between them. She does not have his name stored, but I did remember the number he texts her from before.
She later told me that she was friends with him, because they both disliked the owner of the nursing home company. I told her I though it strange if they both disliked hi, that they would be meeting to start a clinic in which the person they both do not like would own.
Now, last week, which has been about 4 months since she met with him at her work, when we were supposed to be going to dinner, I was looking at her phone. We had both just upgraded our phones, and I was merely trying to adjust some settings while she was seeing a patient. She received a new message while I was looking at her phone, which was from the pharmacist. The content of the message came across the screen without me actually having to open it. It read “Don’t waste my $70 dollars!!! Schedule an appointment at European Body Works.” When she came back and I gave her back her phone, I told her that I read the message as it came across the screen. I knew it to be his number, which she does not realize that I knew who sent the message. She read the message but made no commit. Two days later I asked her what the message was about. She responded that someone had bought her a gift certificate, then hesitated, and told me it was the pharmacist. She then went on that I had not right to get mad, and that people buy her gift certificates all the time.
I bit my lip, and spent much time in prayer, not know what to say or do at this point. Finally, this past Saturday morning I told her that I found this relationship to be totally inappropriate, and that it was inappropriate for him to buy and for her to accept a gift certificate from this man. She told me that he gave it to her for helping him with the labels, and that she gets gift certificates from people often. I told her that yes, she has got gift certificates before, but that she has always told me about them. Yet this gift certificate, for a spa, which I feel myself in an intimate type gift certificate was kept secret from me. I told her that it is wrong, and extremely inappropriate. We did not argue, which was good. But she made no promises that she would not continue to talk with, meet, or text this man.
Now, I apologize for the long story, but I am confused, worried, upset sad and hurt. Am I wrong in feeling this? IF so, please tell me. If I have a friend, I make sure my wife meets him, and I never have a female close friend. I have never met him, and he might very well be gay, but I am confused. What should I do? Am I wrong for thinking this is an inappropriate friendship? Is this emotional infidelity? Should I ignore it and continue as normal?
Is this emotional infidelity, physical, infidelity, or nothing at all?
A few years ago, my wife was working at a nursing home as a nurse practitioner. In her role she commonly spoke with a male pharmacist, employed by the same company, but located at a different site. It was common for nurses and staff to call her at home after work, and for her to walk out of the room during the phone conversations, which I thought nothing of.
Then, while at a 4th of July celebration, my wife told me about this male pharmacist that worked for the company and how they had become friends. She told me that he was Gay, and that he hated the life style. She also told me that he said he wished that he could quit the life style and he and her move away and start all over. I told her that I thought this to be inappropriate, and I did not like her talking to him.
One night, as I was working on a report for her, she received a phone call and went outside, I became curious and went out the backdoor and around the house to hear her side of the conversation. She was laughing and talking. When she came in I asked who she was talking to and she again told me the pharmacist. I got upset and said that she should not be talking to him, and that it was wrong. She told me that she had rather talk to him than me. After an argument, I finished her report and hope that this would be the end of it.
Then a month or so later I came home from work early to surprise my wife, son and his friend by going to the lake with them, which she had planned. When I got there she was very glad, and asked me to take the kids to the lake, as she needed to stop by her work first, then would be there asap. Disappointed that she would not be there the whole time, I took the kids to the lake, and waited for her to arrive. 3 hours later she was still not there and the beach closed. We went home, and I called my wife’s phone several times, with no answer, then after what seemed like calling 50 times, her phone was answered. A male’s voice said hello, then he it was hung up, and additional calls were not answered. I then called the nursing home and was told that no one had seen my wife in the facility, that afternoon and that they did not believe her to be there.
A few minutes later she called me and said she was on her way home. I asked her where she had been and she said the nursing home, but when I told her that wasn’t true, she said she went to the main corporate office work pick up some medication, and had got me a gift as well. She denied that a male answered her phone, and shared nothing about what she actually did.
She left that position a few months later, and I was glad, since I did not want her to continue to be in the environment, and was not sure if, or what went on. I do not know if this male is gay or not, and I have never met him.
In her new job she, as far as I knew, had not contact with him. Then one day my son and I was too meet her after work, and go to dinner. AS she was busy, it was common for her to be late leaving work. As time approached for her to leave, she called me and ask that I take my son on home, because she was much busier than expected, which was a big change from the conversation on the phone 30 minutes prior.
A day or two later, I happen to look at the texts on her phone and found that this pharmacist came by where she worked about 10 minutes before she was supposed to leave. I also found that she was supposed to have met him earlier that day, but did not make the meeting, and I assume that was why he was not coming by at closing time. I do not know what they were meeting about. And, I do not know if she commonly meets with him.
Needless to say, we had a big argument over this, and in the end, she said that it was all business, that the company (nursing home) was opening a new clinic. And, that he was meeting with her to see how to do the drug labels. I found that very strange, why a pharmacist would need to meet with a nurse practitioner on how to do drug labels, since that is in his arena, not hers.
After a lengthy argument, we finally moved forward, and I hope that she would no longer continue this friendship. I also looked at her phone periodically, and have found not texts between them. She does not have his name stored, but I did remember the number he texts her from before.
She later told me that she was friends with him, because they both disliked the owner of the nursing home company. I told her I though it strange if they both disliked hi, that they would be meeting to start a clinic in which the person they both do not like would own.
Now, last week, which has been about 4 months since she met with him at her work, when we were supposed to be going to dinner, I was looking at her phone. We had both just upgraded our phones, and I was merely trying to adjust some settings while she was seeing a patient. She received a new message while I was looking at her phone, which was from the pharmacist. The content of the message came across the screen without me actually having to open it. It read “Don’t waste my $70 dollars!!! Schedule an appointment at European Body Works.” When she came back and I gave her back her phone, I told her that I read the message as it came across the screen. I knew it to be his number, which she does not realize that I knew who sent the message. She read the message but made no commit. Two days later I asked her what the message was about. She responded that someone had bought her a gift certificate, then hesitated, and told me it was the pharmacist. She then went on that I had not right to get mad, and that people buy her gift certificates all the time.
I bit my lip, and spent much time in prayer, not know what to say or do at this point. Finally, this past Saturday morning I told her that I found this relationship to be totally inappropriate, and that it was inappropriate for him to buy and for her to accept a gift certificate from this man. She told me that he gave it to her for helping him with the labels, and that she gets gift certificates from people often. I told her that yes, she has got gift certificates before, but that she has always told me about them. Yet this gift certificate, for a spa, which I feel myself in an intimate type gift certificate was kept secret from me. I told her that it is wrong, and extremely inappropriate. We did not argue, which was good. But she made no promises that she would not continue to talk with, meet, or text this man.
Now, I apologize for the long story, but I am confused, worried, upset sad and hurt. Am I wrong in feeling this? IF so, please tell me. If I have a friend, I make sure my wife meets him, and I never have a female close friend. I have never met him, and he might very well be gay, but I am confused. What should I do? Am I wrong for thinking this is an inappropriate friendship? Is this emotional infidelity? Should I ignore it and continue as normal?
