[stillswimming]

Hi all, Brand new here. I'll attempt to make a long story short but it probably won't be. A week ago my wife of six years (we have been together for 15 years, have three children one son 13 years old, one daughter 5 years old and another daughter three years old) told me she isn't happy anymore. She gave me the whole...I love you but I'm not in love with you line. I asked if she wanted a divorce and she said she didnt know. Of course I broke down because I love the hell out of her. I slept on the couch and the next day she went and saw a doctor who perscribed porzac and therapy. My wife has always kept things inside and has a family history of depression. My family does as well. I have been treated for the past five years or so with meds for anxiety and depression. Every time I try to engage in conversation she says she doesn't know anything. I can't understand that. I've felt bad before but always know I love my wife dearly and my family. People (including her mom who gets therapy and is medicated for depression) is advising me to just ride it out no matter how much it hurts. One day my wife came to me and said that she doesn't know how she feels but she's "not willing to throw in the towel just yet". She cried and said she doesn't know if shes crying because shes hurt me or because shes made the wrong decision in saying anything at all. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!! Hold out for what seems to be a lost relationship... or hang in there. She was supposed to start her first therapy appointment today but due to the hurricane we had it was cancelled. HELP PLEASE.

 

[SlowlyGettingWiser]

Hang in there and be patient, please!

Maybe if your wife feels that she can't talk about it, she can write about it...

• pages long pouring out her heart, her frustration
• bullet-points highlighting plusses and minuses
• short notes "I'm mad" "I love you" "I'm so frustrated "I'm confused"

It will take a while for your wife to respond to her new meds and to her therapy. Your patience and openness to be supportive will really be helpful to your wife and, ultimately, your marriage.

 

[MrK]

She's gone. Sorry. They rarely come back. Read up on the 180 and take care of yourself. Things are probably 10 times worse than what she admits to.

 

[the guy]

I strongly suggest you be patiant for all the right reason.

If she stepping out of the marriage due to out side influences like a toxic girl friend, a new boyfriend, or even an ex boy friend then being patiant won't mean sh1t cuz this out side influence will continue to effect the dynamics of the marriage.

So quitely investigate the reason your wife has these feeling. At the very least, your investigation will disprove my assumptions and you can then focus on supporting her emotionaly.

My point is, if there is someone else you need a different tactic in your appraoch to protect your marriage.

One thing, stop crying in front of your wife, its unattractive and chicks like confident men.

 

[WorkingOnMe]

I strongly suggest you be patiant for all the right reason.

If she stepping out of the marriage due to out side influences like a toxic girl friend, a new boyfriend, or even an ex boy friend then being patiant won't mean sh1t cuz this out side influence will continue to effect the dynamics of the marriage.

So quitely investigate the reason your wife has these feeling. At the very least, your investigation will disprove my assumptions and you can then focus on supporting her emotionaly.

My point is, if there is someone else you need a different tactic in your appraoch to protect your marriage.

One thing, stop crying in front of your wife, its unattractive and chicks like confident men.

"The Guy" is being a little subtle here. In case you missed it, OP, he's saying your wife is cheating. In almost every case, when you get the ILYBINILWY speach, they're either cheating or have their sights set on a guy. He's telling you not to be naive.

 

[Paulination]

I went through almost the exact same thing you are almost a year ago. My wife didn't give me the ILYBNILWY speech but I did get the "I'm not happy" and "Idon't know what I want" speech.

I then proceeded to make every mistake in the book. I cried, begged pleaded and tried to talk her way back to me. I became insecure, clingy etc...

I then investigated to make sure there was no one else which there wasn't.

At that point I simply manned up and no mater how I felt inside, I didn't show it. No more crying, begging etc. I stopped trying to talk about the relationship and just acted like what she said to me didn't matter. But I also listened to the things she said that bothered her and I made an honest assesment of myself to see if she was right. Ofcourse she was in many ways so I started to slowly change those things as to not advertise what I was doing.

At the same time I honestly assesed my wife and I now see her more as she is and not the "princess on a pedistal" I made her out to be. Once you do that, you'll realize she is lucky to have you, not the other way around.

I also decided I would never let her hurt me that way again so I made a calculated effort to detach a bit, quite a bit. The thought of losing her is no where as scary as it once was. When you get to that point they sense it and the attitude changes.