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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am new to this site. I have so many ? to ask. I am glad I found this site to vent my problems and hope to have other people comment on them.

My problem. I have been married for 3 years now. I love the guy I married, but we are having problems. Mostly in the bedroom. I am very hurt that he is not intereted in me at all. There are time that we go many months without doing anything. He tells me that I am not attractived ( I have gained some weight, but I am trying to get it off, I have been dianosed with a low tyroid) I am not sure what is going on here. The guys I dated before I got married where all abotu sex. Now here I am with someone that cares less about it. Is this normal for a guy to be like this? There is more involed, but I will get into that later. It is really hurting our marriage. We did not have sex till after we were married, that was his request. I thought that at the time oh how old fashioned, but now I am worndering if I made a mistake. I know that sex is not all of a marriage, but it should be more than that.
 

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It's hard to say with the information you have given, but it certainly does sound as if he has a low sex drive. He tells you that you are not attractive? That sounds like a problem in itself, that he would say something so hurtful to you. Maybe he has some ED or performance anxiety issues with sex and is embarrassed to share it with you, so he's trying to push the reason away from himself? Hard to tell, but something doesn't sound quite right here.
 

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When you were first married did you have what you considered a healthy amount of sex? If so, how long did it take before he lost interest? You said there were other factors, so I suspect you have some suspicions on your own. Can you expand? Weight gain can interfere with interest sometimes but for him to say you are unattractive is a pretty cruel thing to say to your wife..
 

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Yes, there is way more to the story than I wrote a little while ago. We finished building a house awhile ago and thought things would improve after that, but have not. I really don't think that he is cheating on me. But I could be wrong. He sometimes calls me a B.... and calls me lazy all the time. I know that I am not perfect and sometimes I am lazy, but I am always so tired. I want to fall asleep at work and it is really hard to get up in the morning. I also sleep 7-8 hours every night! I also was put on a sleep machine hoping that would help, but it has not. I take my thyroid med every morning, I am hoping that this is what will help me with more energy. I am tried of someone that is suppose to love me put me down so mcuh. I know that there are times that I cause it, but I am tired of being put down. There are descions that he seems to put his foot down and says no, without making it a family decision. He has also made me chose between him and something else in the past, like smoking I smoked when we met and he did not like it, so I quit, but I really did not want to. I know it is better for my health and all, but it has really made me regret him for that. I feel like smoking behind his back, I am a grown women and if I want to smoke then he should either deal with or leave. I also sold my horse for him, I also regret that. So I have some issues as well. I just don't know what to do anymore. We are falling apart fast. He also seems to not do anything wrong. I will talk to him and he will say, I did not do anything. So I feel like we can't go anywhere, till he gets off his high horse. He also feels that he makes the money in the marrige so there for I should bust my but cleaning the house and putting food on the table. Mind you I also work a full-time job and 2 side jobs. I said 2 side jobs, so I am pretty tired too. He says oh you did not work that hard today. I am sorry I have made this a book, but I am at my witts end with this. I am very concerned that we will end up in divorce. I don't want that to happen. He is not opposed yo counseling, but it is so costly. They want you to come like once or twice a week. I guess if it saves our marriage it is worth spending it. Any advice out there???
 

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Have him go with you to the doctors so that the doctors can explain you are not goldbricking and that the "laziness" is a part of your medical condition.

I have MD and there are days when I can't sleep because I am in that much pain (like today) other days I just have no energy at all because of the MD so I do little work around the house. I would be very offended if someone complained that I was lazy.

He has no right, he is selfish, childish and controlling. Have your doctor tell him the true facts.

draconis
 

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If you want to save the marriage then by all means go to counseling. It can be costly but not as costly as a divorce from a financial stand point. Both of you should check your health insurance from your companies and see if counseling is covered. Many employers do. Mine does. It may not be a weekly thing. When my wife and I went through it last summer and fall we went every 2 – 3 weeks and it helped. It sounds like you both have issues but he needs to step up to the plate and understand your point of view. Good luck.
 

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It sounds as though you have a lot going on, working a lot, hormonal issues with your thyroid problems, and feeling down about your marriage can all play a part in feeling tired all the time. Oddly, I had all three of these myself about 10 years ago and couldn't tell you what caused the tiredness but I definitely know how you feel. My thyroid imbalance was not off enough to be put on medication but if you just started, it may take a while before they begin working (don't know but it wouldn't be a bad idea to talk to your doctor about how you are feeling) I believe my feeling tired was due more to depression as once I got out of that state I did have a lot more energy. At any rate, I hope you can get to the bottom of it so you feel better.

I'm sure there is stress for both of you with the financial strain of a house and it sounds as though you both carry some resentment toward each other. I do think counseling would be worth the cost if you both are willing to be open about what is bothering you. It is unfortunate that your husband is resorting to name calling, as it's quite immature and hurtful. I would hope a counselor would be able to make him see how damaging his words can be. Holding resentment will only make it build up, so if you are able to get that all out in the open and talk about how these things have made you feel, I would guess he's having some of the same types of feelings, hopefully you will be able to move past this and enjoy being with each other again.
 
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