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My husband and I have been married for 5 years and I have begun to literally hate him. Everything is fine as long as I keep my mouth shut at all times, unless it is positive. He of course does things that bother me or that I don't agree with and most people in a healthy relationship can talk about those issues right? Well not me. If I say anything about what is bothering me, and I say it very nicely, he first starts saying things like " Oh yea, it's always my fault" or " I'm just a screw up", just smart alic comments like that. He won't listen, he gets this evil look in his eyes as I talk so anyway nothing is ever solved. A few days ago I brought up to him that I felt like he ignores my 10 year old daughter all the time but gives our 3 year old son a lot of love and attention. I told him that I was worried about her self esteem and that sometimes as parents we need to put our own feelings aside and spend time doing things that may be boring to us but it makes the child happy. Remember, I said all this very nicely as if I was talking to a friend. He then told me that I souldn't lie to my daughter and that she is going to resent me later when she finds out that I don't "really" like doing certain things with her and that I am just doing it for her. I couldn't believe he said that. Anyway, I said "are you serious" I guess in a rude tone. He walked away saying "I am not going to argue with you" and I told him this is why I never talk to you because you get mad and walk away from me". He told me to "quit it" and we ended up arguing. He has barely spoken to me since. Last time something similar happened, he barely spoke to me for a week and then told me that he didn't think our marriage would work out. I rarely say anything about any negative feelings I may have but every single time I do he threatens me with divorce and ignores me for quite a while but it has gotten alot worse lately. I feel soooo trapped. I have 5 children, only one of them his and have been staying home with my children for years. I know it is best for them but I don't know how much longer I can take this. He also constantly tries to prove me wrong with just daily conversations, it's ridiculous. He gets jealous when I spend time with the kids without him so I rarely do it but I won't give in to him anymore. I am tired of it, he is in control of everything. If we sit outside and I look in another direction, he looks too and asks what I'm looking at. It is wierd! I guess we could try counseling first before deciding on divorce or should I even bother with someone so controlling. Is it better for my kids to grow up with me at home and just keeping my mouth shut or should I go to work so that I can speak my mind? Very confused.
 

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You are in a tough situation.

You're a SAHM (to 5 kids!), you and your husband have a blended family and he is having trouble parenting his step children. AND, it sounds like you two don't communicate well.

Look -- there's only 1 thing you really can do -- the 180.

Stop thinking about your husband. Do the 180 for yourself. Your husband may respond positively or he may not. Either way, if you take care of yourself, you will be better off (in your marriage or if you leave it).
 

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You are right. I actually have recently been doing that just by being my old self again and that seems to be when the problems got worse. He doesn't want me to be the happy old me, he wants me to be just as miserable as him. The only time I ever hear him laugh is when he is drunk at his friends house and that happens about once a month. He rarely smiles, he makes everyone feel so uncomfortable...bottom line is that he is the most miserable person I have ever met and for years it affected me so much but not anymore. I will be happy regardless of what he says or does. As far as divorce or not, if he is willing then I think we can go see a counselor but he may not be. I am trying so hard to not let him control my emotions and it is so hard but I do succeed at it most of the time lately and he doesn't like it.
 
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