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I have been married for 15 years, have 2 kids under 10. I met him online 16 years ago while I was studying overseas, he was a family friend. i was feeling lonely and thirst for love as I was very intimidated in a foreign country and never went out to socialize nor getting to know anyone in the college.
He is 14 years older than me, I thought is just a number, an older man should treat me real nice and must have all the experiences in life to know how to love me. we were divided by an ocean apart, I thought he sounded nice in emails and he email me everyday to keep me occupied.
After knowing him for 1 year online and he came visited me twice , I finished my degree and decided to come and live with him. I stayed with him for about 1 month before I have to sign a paperwork to be his common spouse ,because in order to proceed with my career, I need to be a permanent resident of this country before I am allowed of taking all the exams. So i did . Today, i think I have treated that very immatury as i didn't realize the severity of signing to be a spouse.
After that i was concentrating to pursue my career , I worked hard to have my license so that I can start working and be able to financially supporting my family back in my origin country. I succeeded but about 6 months later came the news of my mom passed away in a sudden stroke, she was only 55. My world was broken, I lost my most beloved mom / best friend. Then I tried to get pregnant so that the baby will take my grief away and I got pregnant soon enough. Therefore , my life was very occupied with my 2 kids for the past 9 years.
Now, my kids are both more independent and all the sudden I have some free time to wonder about my life. I have been badmouthing about him at work so often for the past few years, i thought that doesnt seem right.
The man I married to is not a gentleman, he wouldn't open the door for me / us , which I told him he has to try to be one, i am not asking him to open a car door for us or pull out the chair for me in the restaurant, I just hope he would wait to let me/ us out in an elevator or restaurant etc before he goes out.
I didn't get any compliments nor credits when I have done something nice for him, I.e I offer to buy my own birthday cake knowing that he wouldn't have time to get it after work. In this case, I was thinking why did I even do that? Is bad enough that I don't get any surprise gift from him but buying my own cake?
I didn't receive any surprise present from him for our wedding anniversary except this year the flowers arrived with the card wrongly written " happy 16th anniversary" which should be 15.
He has a career but he is not as smart as I am because I have tried to teach him a simple thing again and again for the past 15 years, today , he still cannot get it. ( I.e, to say "Buddy " correctly, this is just one of the examples).
3 days before This past Mother's Day, he asked when is Mother's Day. He bought flowers from the grocery store but lay them in the laundry tub waiting for me to find the vase instead of giving it to me and wished me happy Mother's Day.
I am physically attractive, I can easily have men come to me asking me out if they haven't noticed my wedding ring. But this husband of mine hasn't said I am beautiful for the past 16 years, I sometimes dressed up really nice and asked him if I am beautiful, he will just nod and say yes reluctantly.
I don't think we are compatible with each other at all and I regret that I didn't take action immediately after I realized that before signing the paperwork. I thought he is 14 years older, he is mature and he has been in this western country for 20 years before I met him ,he sure be open minded and romantic. But no, he is not, he is a dork. He would blame the kid for forgetting their bag even though they were only 6 year old.
He is a good husband, he washes dishes ,cleans the house, fixes car, he would take the kids out when he has time , he has all the bank accounts joint with me ( but i made good income myself , and I am not a spender). He said he doesn't care what I want to buy with those money . But that doesn't make me happy, am I an unreasonable wife?
 

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Him being older and more experienced in life has a downside... he is set in his ways and is unlikely to change.

And now with your mother gone, you find yourself alone with someone who you thought was your soulmate but is more like a roommate, granted one that works, does the dishes and shares a family with you.

What to do? You could try counseling but it may be more for you to understand/accept the situation you are in or for you to find the strength to move on with your life without him.
 

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I think you maybe are a bit unreasonable in the sense that you built him up in your head before even moving in with him. The problem with idealization is that you find yourself severely disappointed at what you actually have. It's easy to do that with the distance... it's all very movie like. The love letters back and forth, the promises of this and that... it's easy to build up in your head an image of one another that isn't completely realistic. Once you actually are together, reality becomes super disappointing because it's not what you had built up in your imagination.

Is this his fault or yours? The rose colored glasses thing you had for him IMO isn't something he can be blamed for. Before you married him (signed papers) you had an idea of who he was and it doesn't sound like much has changed.

The badmouthing him is wrong. The problems you're having with your husband should only be between the two of you. When you talk about him to others you're letting them know you don't respect him. While that may be true, it's not anyone elses business. You and your husband need to work out the issues you have between you.

Maybe the two of you need to go get some marriage counseling to help communicate better? I think it could really help him to hear you, and maybe help you understand him and his ways better. Maybe he's never loved before. He may not know how to really show it.
 

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You say you are smarter than he is. I don't see that. I think you sound like a very demanding, spoiled princess in some ways. I'd be hurt if my husband didn't take time for my birthday, too, but to criticize him for the way he delivers a gift is very unkind. You also say you badmouth him at work. Why should he want to do anything for someone who treats him this way?

If you want to have a happy marriage, stop being mean to the one you are supposed to love.
 
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