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Discussion Starter #61
It seems lots of opinions. I admit I truly messed up, all my fault. I let work show her the text messages. There was never anything physical or pictures, that's the truth. Most of the texts were stupid gif images. It betrayed her trust and was disrespectful. Im ****, I know that. I moved out so she could think, but 3 days after I move out she's at this guys house. I dont blame her. I still get my son 4 or 5 days a week and he's my main focus. My son tried calling his mother last night and she didn't answer her phone. Im pretty sure she was at this guys house. Just seems ****ty to ignore your son. He asked me were she could be. I told him I didn't know. I'm not about to tell him moms out with some new guy. We both have issues from our childhood, im not looking for pity or anything. Guess I just need to get it all out. She's still going to counseling. Our relationship wasn't all Sunshine and rainbows, she's mived out twice before, we patch things up and tread forward. Its true, you dont know what you got til its gone. I just hope through my stupidity, 1 person can learn from my mistake.
 

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It seems lots of opinions. I admit I truly messed up, all my fault. I let work show her the text messages. There was never anything physical or pictures, that's the truth. Most of the texts were stupid gif images. It betrayed her trust and was disrespectful. Im ****, I know that. I moved out so she could think, but 3 days after I move out she's at this guys house. I dont blame her. I still get my son 4 or 5 days a week and he's my main focus. My son tried calling his mother last night and she didn't answer her phone. Im pretty sure she was at this guys house. Just seems ****ty to ignore your son. He asked me were she could be. I told him I didn't know. I'm not about to tell him moms out with some new guy. We both have issues from our childhood, im not looking for pity or anything. Guess I just need to get it all out. She's still going to counseling. Our relationship wasn't all Sunshine and rainbows, she's mived out twice before, we patch things up and tread forward. Its true, you dont know what you got til its gone. I just hope through my stupidity, 1 person can learn from my mistake.
Focus on yourself, you cannot change the past, and your cannot change your wife, I believe that ship has sailed.
However, with work you can become a decent human being and a better man, someone your son can look up to and be proud of. Someone who in the future any woman would be glad to have holding her hand.
But you have to do the work, you are still minimizing what you did. If it was as harmless as you say then you would not have been sacked nor lost your marriage. Your first step is to own your ****!
You need to see a therapist also. I think your wife is rubbing her actions in your face, I am sure she has been humiliated by this exposure at work. A cheating husband is one thing but now everyone knows at her workplace.
BTW what happened to the OW, no consequences for her. Was she married?
 

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Discussion Starter #63
I own up, I admit I ****ed up. OW no consequences and was married. I even apologized to her told her I thought we were just joking around. Obviously my wife doesn't care what people at work Think or she would not have jumped right from me to another guy at work. We used to make fun if people like that and then we both become that. I am working on myself. This is my lowest low I have no where to go but up. It like a light has come on in my heart and head. I see things alot differently now. Now I need to figure out dissolution or divorce. We have a house 2 cars and a child.
 

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If she hadn't said she'd been unhappy for awhile, that would be one thing. But sounds like she is ready to move on.

A word of caution to everyone at work. If you are using company equipment and/or company wifi, there is a very good change your boss is keeping a record of everything coming and going or at least looking in. I know where I work, a small office, my boss can see it and backs everything up to a server. He also has it fixed where he can listen in on anyone's phone call who is using his phone system. Because making phone calls is what some of them do. For years, no one knew he did it, but when he got a new manager, it was clear she was doing it and it got out in the open at least with me. Another place I worked kept everything. There could be cameras where they can see what you're doing too.
If you have a paranoid boss and a small company.

I am an IT person, and we don't have time for it now, and never have.

The manager of the person should be able to keep tract of what their people are doing and how long it takes.

Most busy IT depts. don't have time to do this stuff. I never have.
 

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I own up, I admit I ****ed up. OW no consequences and was married. I even apologized to her told her I thought we were just joking around. Obviously my wife doesn't care what people at work Think or she would not have jumped right from me to another guy at work. We used to make fun if people like that and then we both become that. I am working on myself. This is my lowest low I have no where to go but up. It like a light has come on in my heart and head. I see things alot differently now. Now I need to figure out dissolution or divorce. We have a house 2 cars and a child.
NOW YOU ARE STARTING to get it.

For you to keep saying you were joking is kind of silly. You know that.

Take this divorce and time to work on yourself to learn to NOT be a narcissistic person. Not saying your are a NARC, I am saying you gave tendencies.

Brother, it is time to grow up and get yourself together.

And why don't you tell us why you got fired and she did not? What is that about, were you her boss???
 

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Getting back on track here - I know this is going to be near impossible to do, but try to take the emotion out of everything and focus on protecting your property and financial assets and relationship with your child as much as possible.

Get a good divorce attorney and bring him/her up to speed and then do what the attorney says and don't do what the attorney says not to do. Nothing more, nothing less. Anything you say or do without your attorney's foreknowledge and approval will be wrong and will be used against you.

Do your own thing, go to the gym, sit in your underwear watching tv or playing video games and do what your attorney says.

Divorces take a long time and are filled with minutia. This will play out over months. Let the attorney handle it and while that takes place the dust will begin to settle and high emotions and passions will start to ebb. If you allow this cooling off period, cooler heads will start to prevail.

Maybe in time she'll realize this dude is just some guy capitalizing on a pissed off chick seeking some kind of revenge.

Maybe she will decide she wants to try again. Divorce proceedings can be stopped at any time if both parties agree to it.

Maybe she'll decide she is better off without you and wants to forge full steam ahead with the divorce.

Either way the right thing to do is do what your lawyer says and don't do what he/she says not to do. Don't think you know more about divorce that someone who has been through law school and specializes in divorces day in and day out for years and years. You really are not a special snowflake and your situation is not unique in the slightest.

Take care of your own business and your own best interests.

Document and report what your lawyer says to document and report. These will be things like denying access to your son at the times you are legally entitled to see him. Striking you is a crime even if she is 100lbs and you are are 260 lb powerlifter. Document and report that to your lawyer and provide any pictures of marks, bruising etc.

Since there is now a history of violence and noncompliance with child access, record all of your interactions and report any threats, abuse, violence and noncompliance to your attorney ASAP.

This is now a legal, financial and custodial issue and not an emotional or relationship issue. Treat it as the business and legal situation that it is and leave the emotion and feelings and relationship issues out of it.
 

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It seems lots of opinions. I admit I truly messed up, all my fault. I let work show her the text messages. There was never anything physical or pictures, that's the truth. Most of the texts were stupid gif images. It betrayed her trust and was disrespectful. Im ****, I know that. I moved out so she could think, but 3 days after I move out she's at this guys house. I dont blame her. I still get my son 4 or 5 days a week and he's my main focus. My son tried calling his mother last night and she didn't answer her phone. Im pretty sure she was at this guys house. Just seems ****ty to ignore your son. He asked me were she could be. I told him I didn't know. I'm not about to tell him moms out with some new guy. We both have issues from our childhood, im not looking for pity or anything. Guess I just need to get it all out. She's still going to counseling. Our relationship wasn't all Sunshine and rainbows, she's mived out twice before, we patch things up and tread forward. Its true, you dont know what you got til its gone. I just hope through my stupidity, 1 person can learn from my mistake.
Looks like she was looking for a reason to pull the plug on the relationship. And you served it up to her on a silver platter.
 

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I agree with those who say she was looking for an opportunity to split and you served it up to her on a silver platter. People don't just end marriages over sexy gifs being exchanged even if it was for a year. There is more to this and I am assuming that you have no reason to lie on an anonymous forum like this, then she has been planning to exit for a while now. Who is this other guy? Does she work directly with or for him? Have they known each other for some time? Has he been round your house ? Do you know him too ?
 

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Looks like she was looking for a reason to pull the plug on the relationship. And you served it up to her on a silver platter.
True.

But with the speed and severity of her actions, it could have been that he came home from hanging with the guys later than he said or maybe leaving the toilet seat up or not mowing the lawn soon enough or not picking up the loaf of bread and carton of milk on his way home like she asked.

Point being, this was inevitable and while it turned out to be the txting that was the straw that broke the camel's back, it could have been anything. For all we know she may have packed up for the OM's house next week even if OP was the perfect husband.

I'm not condoning his involvement with the OW, just pointing out that his wife had one foot out the door before she caught wind of it.

That is why in my previous post I urge OP to try to put away the emotions and relationship issues and focus on circling his wagons and getting his financial and legal affairs in order in preparation of divorce.
 

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True.

But with the speed and severity of her actions, it could have been that he came home from hanging with the guys later than he said or maybe leaving the toilet seat up or not mowing the lawn soon enough or not picking up the loaf of bread and carton of milk on his way home like she asked.

Point being, this was inevitable and while it turned out to be the txting that was the straw that broke the camel's back, it could have been anything. For all we know she may have packed up for the OM's house next week even if OP was the perfect husband.

I'm not condoning his involvement with the OW, just pointing out that his wife had one foot out the door before she caught wind of it.

That is why in my previous post I urge OP to try to put away the emotions and relationship issues and focus on circling his wagons and getting his financial and legal affairs in order in preparation of divorce.
But do we know if she felt that way before he was so stupid?

That is where I am at. If he had grown up, and became a grown man, would it have mattered????

We will never know, but I wonder...
 

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Its true, you dont know what you got til its gone. I just hope through my stupidity, 1 person can learn from my mistake.
My man, I hope you understand women enough to realize she ain't showing you the exit because of your horsing around with pictures. And she show nuff ain't warming up her co-workers bed three days after you getting the boot because your actions embarrassed her at work. Women don't roll like that. It ain't "just through [your] stupidity" More likely, your exposure was a godsend to her. It provided her with a perfect excuse to ditch your azz and "take up" with the sexy co-worker that made her wet her pants every time she caught a whiff of his cologne. I hope you've got enough sense to realize if the chick had a high romantic interest in you, your tom foolery with the other dame would have been easily reconcilable. Was it a bone headed mistake to use company resources to tell a female employee you want to f her? Yep, can't get any stupider than that. Did your stupidity cause your future ex wife to jettison you and immediately hook up her hunky co-worker. Naw, you just gave her exactly the gift she needed.
 

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Read my post, which was not directed at you btw. I have a problem with the word "asinine" because it minimizes what the OP did. That is what cheaters do, they minimise over and over and now we have posters on here doing the same thing!
You have quoted my post. So yes, it was directed at me.
 

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But do we know if she felt that way before he was so stupid?

That is where I am at. If he had grown up, and became a grown man, would it have mattered????

We will never know, but I wonder...
He says that her reply was she had been unhappy for a long time. So I think it would be before she for out as well.
 

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Agreed, major victim blaming going on here. I wonder if genders were reversed would the same people be calling out the betrayed husband. This is ********!
...and if it were a woman people would be advising of domestic abuse laws, after all he was physically assaulted by her.
 

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But do we know if she felt that way before he was so stupid?

That is where I am at. If he had grown up, and became a grown man, would it have mattered????

We will never know, but I wonder...
He will probably never know the whole story let alone us ever knowing what was truly going on.

For all we know she may have been hot and heavy with this dude (or others) for years and was disengaging from him and that is what laid the groundwork for him seeking fun and games with this other chick.

Was he the chicken or was he the egg?

I agree with Vlad above. Barring actual abuse or chronic and flagrant infidelity or terrible alcoholism/drug abuse, Most women with young children don’t just up and leave the fathers of their children unless they are monkey-swinging to another branch that they think is a bigger better deal (BBD)

She’s been feathering this nest for some time.
 

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Does any of that really matter now?
Yes it does. He needs to know what really went down. Even if it is over, he needs to understand if this was just a way out for her. We have to believe what he writes down, not like some others assume that he was hot and heavy physically with his female coworker. So if we take what he says as the truth, then it does not merit her not only ending the marriage but screwing another co-worker within a few days - this does not make sense. He has already admitted to and apologised for his wrong doing. Maybe its time she did the same.
 
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