Talk About Marriage banner

1 - 8 of 8 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
My husband and i just got married in November and we already have a 4 month old baby. He says that hes been trying to open up to me and tell me everything that he couldnt tell is girlfriends but the problem is that he says that i dont listen to him and that i just change the subject. i dont remember doing this but i feel really bad. he said he felt alone and he doesnt know what to do any more. i really want to fix things but i dont know what to do because all i can think of is to listen but i can listen if he wont talk to me anymore. i feel like ive been too busy, i take care of my baby all day and at 4 i go and take care of my sister with down syndrom and on top of that i have to clean two houses mine and my moms.i know thats not a reason but i am really busy.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
23 Posts
Sounds like your extremly busy with life as a new mom and trying to be a wife at the same time, it is almost overwhelming! On one side of the coin I see how you and your husband may seem distant.. you guys are newly married with a toddler in the house and it is hard to make time for eachother. The first years of marriage are hard enough and once you through a toddler in the mix it is 2x as hard. Try sitting down with your husband and just telling him that your "tired" and you need some help. I bet if he lightens up your load a bit you will be able to focus some energy on eachother. Marriage takes work and a lot of compromises i guarantee you if you guys work as a team rather than you trying to handle everything yourself you will be surprised of how lifted you will start to feel, and in return the bond will come back between you and your husband.

Good luck and hang in there......dont give up on eachother....it is too easy to these days...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
23 Posts
Sorry I sort of went off track to your question. How do you get him to open up to you again. I think if you just sit down with him and have a heart to heart talk about all the changes in your life in such a short period of time will help. Mention to him that you have been overwhelmed and stressing about how busy you have become, and it is very challenging to be a full-time mom, wife, and a sitter to your sister that you forgot about eachother. Stress the importance of wanting to establish a good communication between eachother and that you want to be there for him, you want to be the person he always wants to turn to. After all you guys are eachothers best friend.

One note: your not superwoman you will wear yourself down if you dont slow down a notch. Dont forget to take some time for YOURSELF every once in a while.

((See that is whats great about a woman they can juggle all these obsticles at once and still make time for their husbands. Whereas us husbands have a hard enough time paying attention. You should be proud of yourself it takes a strong woman to handle what life throws at you on a daily basis.)) ;)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
162 Posts
My husband and i just got married in November and we already have a 4 month old baby. He says that hes been trying to open up to me and tell me everything that he couldnt tell is girlfriends but the problem is that he says that i dont listen to him and that i just change the subject. i dont remember doing this but i feel really bad. he said he felt alone and he doesnt know what to do any more. i really want to fix things but i dont know what to do because all i can think of is to listen but i can listen if he wont talk to me anymore. i feel like ive been too busy, i take care of my baby all day and at 4 i go and take care of my sister with down syndrom and on top of that i have to clean two houses mine and my moms.i know thats not a reason but i am really busy.
What is he saying that he told you, and you weren't listening? Usually a person will say something like "I told you about this once...." when they find themselves repeating something. I suggest that you sit down with him and have him tell you that first.

Next, is he trying to open up because he wants to or is he trying because you are asking him to? If there are things he has never told girlfriends then, perhaps, they are things that he shouldn't tell anyone. Even within marriage, every person needs thoughts that they are not compelled to share.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
153 Posts
I would explain to him that with a new baby in the house and the other responsibilties that you have that you just got overwhelmed and did not mean to ignore him and that you are going to make more of an effort now that you know that there is a problem. I would also suggest letting him know that you are taking a half hour in the evenining after the baby goes to bed for you two to sit down and just reconnect. Hopefully after awhile of this he will come around and start talking again. Good luck I hope it all works out.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
57 Posts
When my husband and I started to have a communication breakdown due to all the busy-ness of life, we started to go for walks every evening after dinner. Just the two of us. It gave us time to just talk about our days, money, our kids, whatever without "little ears" trying to listen in. Luckily our oldest was old enough to watch his brother for an hour so we could do this. Obviously, if you try this, your little one will have to go along in the stroller, but at 4 months, she doesn't understand what you're saying anyway!
Good luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
61 Posts
I would explain to him that with a new baby in the house and the other responsibilties that you have that you just got overwhelmed and did not mean to ignore him and that you are going to make more of an effort now that you know that there is a problem. I would also suggest letting him know that you are taking a half hour in the evenining after the baby goes to bed for you two to sit down and just reconnect.
I think this is a very good idea. Don't decide there's just no time, but *make* some time to connect. After the baby is sleeping sounds like a really good time to do some talking... just don't let other things get in the way.
 
1 - 8 of 8 Posts
Top