[Truly Unloved]

Okay, I'm back again. We had a good few months and now we're back to the same old crap.

My fiance, is what I call "Considering of himself an perfectionist"
And what I mean by that is this:

He Hates:

DRAMA, CRYING, POUTING, WHINING, MESSINESS, IMMATURITY and FIGHTING.
WHat is funny about all this? HE DOES THEM ALL! Except crying...
My fiance will purposely start Drama in his mother's family, and in our own. He will pout when things do not go his way. He is what I call a "Three Day Messy Guy" where he'll leave things for three days and then pick up. He always has a comeback and will make a comeback when you don't have one. He'll continue an argument because he LOVES to fight and win.

Now, when I do these things.. yes I'm guilty of them all too... he gets mad, walks away or flat out won't speak to me. He'll say things like, "I hate that whining crap" or "You should feel guilty, look at this mess."

My fiance is an army man, god has blessed him with the talent of being a human lie detector. He can pretty much deduce how a situation is going to turn out. Of course it's easy to do that when you're the one causing the problem.

We love each other and for three, four months we will have NO issues. He will never say anything like this. But after that for two or three months he'll start this back up again. Now, either he's the first male to make the discovery of a MALE PERIOD.... OR.. he's got some condition that makes him this way.

He has PTSD and ADD I think... or WE think.

I want some opinions on what you guys think. What does all this mean? I know you can't be a 100% accurate and heck, you can't really put all your trust into what I say... but deduce from your own conclusions and tell me honestly what you think.

We have started working as a team, finally. Took long enough.

My father still hasn't talked to him about some other issues... and we're in the process of hating all the drama.

So... what do you think?

 

[credamdóchasgra]

I think a few things...

Before you marry each other, get some premarital counseling to deal with the drama you talk about. Especially if you both think he has PTSD and/or add.
Also...issues like this usually take two, though your post doesn't give a lot of detail as to the type of conflicts, or what you hope for.
If you truly believe he's just a jerk and that's the problem...why marry him?
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[Catherine602]

Google borderline personality disorder see is he fits. Sounds like some kind of personality disorder. BPD is treatment resistant and the people with this disorder are very difficult to live with.

If he is like this now, he is unlikely to change unless he wants to do so, he will not do it for you or anyone. You are not yet married, think carefully, you say you love him but in 5 years when you have kids and he behaves this way will love be enough?

 

[loren]

I'm gonna add to this plethora of crackpot diagnoses and say google 'passive agressive men' and see if any of that resonates. Clinical "reasons" aside, his methods of fighting are not fighting fair and his ways of dealing sound very immature, which is okay if he is immature himself (he can forget conflict as quickly as he starts it, and give you 'three happy months' etc) but painful for you if you want the stability of an adult relationship. It sounds like a rollercoaster, which is not healthy in the long run. Only you know your limits. Set them before marriage.