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2 Posts
18 years of marriage; 2 kids in jr/sr. high school.
Over the last 10+ years, my wife has not provided any form of romance, sex, intimacy, spontaneity, ...... I have always had to initiate any love making and when we have talked about it she has told me that she doesn't really enjoy it as much as I do and that it isn't everything. I don't want this to sound all about romance but of equal concern is her lack of emphasis around looking pretty/sexy, feeling pretty/sexy, and acting as a fun-loving partner.
She is completely focused on the family responsibilities and day to day activities. We never do anything as a result of her asking and I have grown tired of being the one to want to get out together. Honestly, at this point I feel like she should be the one to try harder and I don't know why she doesn't recognize that without some more focus, she could lose me. Maybe this is what she is trying to do and that might seem obvious to anyone reading this. She doesn't do anything about her appearance, she doesn't try to please me in any respect, she doesn't provide any spontaneous and shared activities. I am at the age that I want to do some fun things with someone that enjoys me and the experience. Sure, I could suggest we go do some of these things but calendars and responsibilities would always hold us back. I am equally responsible and feel that with effort, arrangements could be made.
I should mention that she doesn't really have any girlfriends that she ever goes out with or even talks to. Yes, she has acquaintances from the kids sports and activities but I am always disappointed that she is completely okay with not having friends, especially as a woman. Other woman go on girl weekends, girls night out, etc. and I only wish she had that in her life.
My birthday and anniversary are coming up over these next couple of months. I am sure there will be nothing special and I wish i didn't have to sound so negative around that. There will be no surprises as far as thought or physically. It is times like this that I get disappointed that I haven't seen lingerie in over 10 years. I haven't really seen a naked woman since sex begins with her coming to bed in a full set of pajamas. Sure - we have talked about it. She thinks they are a waste since they come off quickly and she feels "fat" in these... I don't go there. Vacations are often sexless even in places of paradise???? Anyhow, I don't want this to be all about sex/romance but that is what I use as a gauge whether that is right or wrong
I don't know what to do. I love my 2 kids and know that leaving will affect them as it crushed me when my dad left. Do I somehow try to get her to "change" (her caring about her looks, her intimacy, sharing and liking common activities?) Otherwise, Do I go now or do I wait a few more years when they go off to college? I guess looking for love at 47+ may not be that bad
Over the last 10+ years, my wife has not provided any form of romance, sex, intimacy, spontaneity, ...... I have always had to initiate any love making and when we have talked about it she has told me that she doesn't really enjoy it as much as I do and that it isn't everything. I don't want this to sound all about romance but of equal concern is her lack of emphasis around looking pretty/sexy, feeling pretty/sexy, and acting as a fun-loving partner.
She is completely focused on the family responsibilities and day to day activities. We never do anything as a result of her asking and I have grown tired of being the one to want to get out together. Honestly, at this point I feel like she should be the one to try harder and I don't know why she doesn't recognize that without some more focus, she could lose me. Maybe this is what she is trying to do and that might seem obvious to anyone reading this. She doesn't do anything about her appearance, she doesn't try to please me in any respect, she doesn't provide any spontaneous and shared activities. I am at the age that I want to do some fun things with someone that enjoys me and the experience. Sure, I could suggest we go do some of these things but calendars and responsibilities would always hold us back. I am equally responsible and feel that with effort, arrangements could be made.
I should mention that she doesn't really have any girlfriends that she ever goes out with or even talks to. Yes, she has acquaintances from the kids sports and activities but I am always disappointed that she is completely okay with not having friends, especially as a woman. Other woman go on girl weekends, girls night out, etc. and I only wish she had that in her life.
My birthday and anniversary are coming up over these next couple of months. I am sure there will be nothing special and I wish i didn't have to sound so negative around that. There will be no surprises as far as thought or physically. It is times like this that I get disappointed that I haven't seen lingerie in over 10 years. I haven't really seen a naked woman since sex begins with her coming to bed in a full set of pajamas. Sure - we have talked about it. She thinks they are a waste since they come off quickly and she feels "fat" in these... I don't go there. Vacations are often sexless even in places of paradise???? Anyhow, I don't want this to be all about sex/romance but that is what I use as a gauge whether that is right or wrong
I don't know what to do. I love my 2 kids and know that leaving will affect them as it crushed me when my dad left. Do I somehow try to get her to "change" (her caring about her looks, her intimacy, sharing and liking common activities?) Otherwise, Do I go now or do I wait a few more years when they go off to college? I guess looking for love at 47+ may not be that bad