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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
We have two boys at 9 and 4 yr old and they are very active, playing until very late to 12 p.m. We come home late having dinner normally finished at 8~9 pm so it's hard to force them go to bed earlier too.

My wife and I find it exhausted to have private time together, they even do like to play things in our bed room...

Most of the time, after a long day working, my wife just falls into sleep in seconds.

It's the old days where romantic environment exists, and a few year later when they grow, we are too old :(
 

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Your system sucks, you have no boundaries and are devoid of creativity.

Establish your bedroom as a private room. Get the kids up earlier so they are tired sooner, watch their diet so they dont have a sugar high until midnight, hire a sitter for some alone time, find activities that keep them busy and starts them winding down, stop being helpless and use your head.
 

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I think you have more problems than when to have sex.

First off, come home earlier. If your family is your first priority, you will do that.

Get dinner done earlier and the kids in bed by 8pm.
If you can't get home earlier, have whomever is watching them give them dinner at 5pm.

Start quieting things down around 7pm so they are ready for bed at 8pm.

How are the kids supposed to perform well at school when they aren't in bed until midnight?

Be the parents and establish a constant routine and you will have less stress.
 

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Your problem is the family schedule. You need to rework the family schedule so that your children have reasonable sleep hours. Sleeping at midnight is bad for even working adults but growing children who need their rest? Not a good idea. They're likely to be tired in school if it's a regular pattern for them. Your children should ideally be in bed around 9:00 pm or even 8:30 pm.

When I first got pregnant, one of my husband's colleagues, a much older woman who was a grandma, told him that he should make sure to have a set bedtime for the children and make sure that bedtime allowed us at least one hour together uninterrupted each evening. So that's what we did. I suppose I'm lucky that sleep wasn't ever an issue for us. I raise champion sleepers. We don't have a problem finding time for us because by the time 9 pm rolls around, it's just the two of us who are still awake.
 

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When do you get home from work? Why are you eating dinner so late?

I agree with everyone else it's your schedule that's causing the problem. I have 3 kids and they are all in bed by 8-10. The older 2 can entertain themselves during our 'adult time' which is after 9pm. We have an hour of kid free time every evening before we go to bed.
 

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Kids need sleep. They should not be up that late at all. At that age bedtime should start about 7 and in bed by 8-8:30
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You need to change your schedule. The children are in bed far too late. They should be in bed by 8pm really. If they're not going to bed until 12 pm they are not getting enough sleep for school the next day. That means they will have less concerntration and it will effect their behaviour, it could also make them hyperactive.

So take a look at your family routine and try and get them to bed earlier. Post us your routine if you like and we can take a look.
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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Yes the system sucks and really needs fixed. In week days I wake up at 7 then bring the elder brother to school, get back and bring the little one to kindergarten (different places) at 8. They are both having breakfast there.

Our maid will get them back at 4~5 pm but 3 times per week the elder has supplemental subjects at school so he's back at around 6pm... They can have little snacks then because we can't find other appropriate time...

Due to the work loads my wife get back around 6:30~7 and I am about 7:30 so we have dinner then. We have tried to have the kids to eat dinner before us sometimes but our maid finds it's very difficult to force the kids... they are difficult to eat and our presence is a big help.

In weekend even worse, wake up late at 9~10 am, take naps late and stay even later...

There's not much public kid's activities here mostly video game centers, riding toys or coloring statue etc but all need us to follow to look after. There is no playground that we can leave them.

At home they can play with each other lego, drawing, watching TV sometimes fighting hard, very active at night. Tried put them in bed at 10 pm a few times but as you know it's the habit then they keep talking to us until we are all tired and fall into sleep at midnight. The little one is still sharing bed with us, he is so timid.
 

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As above,
Sort out your kid’s bedtime routine, if they have school etc the next day they should be in bed by 8pm at the latest; if no school (weekend / holiday) let them stay up until say 8:30 pm. This will give you some adult only time.
For little ones make lunch at least 2 hours before bed to allow time for it to be digested before bath / shower and sleep.
BTW My teenage daughters (16 & 17) still have a set bedtime (9:30 pm on a school night 10:30 pm other) but they decide what time they go to sleep.
N.B. we do all stay up late but together but only on special occasions, make it a treat.
 

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It can be rough adjusting schedules but children will adapt. "Resistance is Futile" against Mommy and Daddy Borg.

Melatonin helps my little one a lot. 15 -30 minutes of reading time really helps settle them down. In my house getting up and bugging Mommy and Daddy is a serous offense resulting in the loss of ALL video privileges the next day. If they can't fall asleep they have plenty of books to read. Hungry have a banana. "Tummy hurts" 2 minutes cuddle then back to your bed. Some warm milk with vanilla creamer helps my oldest when he has problems once in a while.

Consistency is key. If you say it, mean it. (Even if you are wrong)

No electronics in bed ever. Do not make that mistake.

Never let sports take priority over sleep.

Read the Ferber book. Locks on their door when they put up a real fight is not unreasonable. Just unlock it after they finally give in. When my youngest was 4 he learned I was serious and would beg me not to lock his door. I had permission from his pediatrician to do this. Get it first CYA.

Kids need 10-11 hours of sleep each night. It is your responsibility to make sure they get it. Physical and cognitive growth will be stunted if they don't get it. My boys 7 and 10 are at the very top of their grades (not classroom entire grade) in reading and math and both have ADHD. I know correlation does not equal causation, but the teachers complain all the time about kids being tired in school, but not mine.

Prepare meals for the week on the weekend and freeze if needed. Learn to use a crockpot.

If it is a battle waking your kids up in the morning, they did not get enough sleep.
 

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"Resistance is Futile" against Mommy and Daddy Borg.
Love it and as long as they are on the same page on the script then so true.

Consistency is key.
:iagree:Say what you think & do what you say. everyone knows where they stand then.

No electronics in bed ever.
I wish I could apply that rule to myself darn work phone is never off (unless I am on leave) and with e-mail on push
it can be hard to find some downtime.

Learn to use a crockpot.
Sorry you have got me there. What is a "crockpot"
 

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Yes the system sucks and really needs fixed. In week days I wake up at 7 then bring the elder brother to school, get back and bring the little one to kindergarten (different places) at 8. They are both having breakfast there.

Our maid will get them back at 4~5 pm but 3 times per week the elder has supplemental subjects at school so he's back at around 6pm... They can have little snacks then because we can't find other appropriate time...

Due to the work loads my wife get back around 6:30~7 and I am about 7:30 so we have dinner then. We have tried to have the kids to eat dinner before us sometimes but our maid finds it's very difficult to force the kids... they are difficult to eat and our presence is a big help.

In weekend even worse, wake up late at 9~10 am, take naps late and stay even later...

There's not much public kid's activities here mostly video game centers, riding toys or coloring statue etc but all need us to follow to look after. There is no playground that we can leave them.

At home they can play with each other lego, drawing, watching TV sometimes fighting hard, very active at night. Tried put them in bed at 10 pm a few times but as you know it's the habit then they keep talking to us until we are all tired and fall into sleep at midnight. The little one is still sharing bed with us, he is so timid.
You have a maid so that means you have it even easier than the rest of us who have to come home, cook dinner, bathe the children, look over homework and still get them to bed by 8:30 pm all by ourselves.

Your problem is you and your wife. Surely others in your area or country who also have maids don't have children who sleep at midnight. How do they do it?

Do or do not, there is no try. You're not willing to commit to the difficult period where they will rebel, fuss, argue, whine when they have to sleep earlier. You are not your children's friend. You're their parent. If you can't get them to sleep at a decent hour now when they're little how will you stand up to them when puberty rolls around?

If coming home earlier isn't an option for you then maybe your children have to eat dinner without you. That seems more reasonable than making them wait until you both return home.

I understand bed sharing. We did that for several years. But we didn't have a problem even then getting the child to sleep at a reasonable hour. Even if they were sleeping in our bed, they still slept before 9 pm.
 

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I understand bed sharing. We did that for several years. But we didn't have a problem even then getting the child to sleep at a reasonable hour. Even if they were sleeping in our bed, they still slept before 9 pm.
We never did the kids in our bed thing, as babies ours were in the crib next to the bed so you could put your hand in to settle them down. Once they were big enough to go in their own bed / kids room (once they no longer needed night feeds) if they woke up upset or not feeling well then one of us (more often my wife as she is a light sleeper) would go and check on them / give them a cuddle in their own bed before returning to ours once they were settled.
 

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crockpot: electric countertop slow roaster made of ceramic. You can put a chicken in it in the morning and it will be ready by dinner. Stews other roasts etc. Not my preferred method of cooking chicken, but is great for when you get home late from scouts, sports etc. Better for pork, beef but wife likes to do chickens in it.

A big one. Make sure the maid is not giving them any caffeine after school.

To help ease the transition to an earlier bed time get permission from your pediatrician to give them a little Benadryl a couple hours before bed for a week or so.
 

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We have morning sex, just about every other day I guess.

Fantastic way to wake up & start the day. It is impossible to get out of bed grouchy - even if we were not being that nice to each other the night before.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Thanks for the inputs. That gives me stronger momentum to redesign our lifestyle. Looks like, you guys are so good at time management and come home early. My wife and I each has a small business to run so we start working like 8:30, 1 hr for lunch so that sounds like too much for a day...

I agree we need to cut it down somehow but it's work you know that can't happend in a day or two.

Right now I am eager to plan out the revolution of changing this :) to reinforce kids to go bedding early...

Frankly, we don't want to loose connection with kids if we have too little time together, but I think that's the right direction to fix the things. Let's adjust a little by little?

I am thinking of getting the small one his own bed. My wife is always worry that he can't sleep alone since he might fall down or get cold out of his blanket...On the other note, the elder one would not want to share bed with him too, they play more and stay up harder.

The idea of being romantic at the morning sounds great :) However on weekdays what time you wake up? We go to bed at midnight and have to escort kids to schools starting at 7 am :confused:
 

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My first thought was you need to watch a few episodes of supernanny because your kids are running the house.

To answer your question I'm up at 6:30 on weekdays and there is no time for morning romance. Hubby has to be at work a little after 7am and I've got 3 kids to get ready for 3 different schools on my own.

How are you functioning staying up till midnight? We're ALL in bed by 10-10:30 on weekdays.
 

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That is a, frankly, stupid idea - even with 'permission'. Sorry.

No need to put your kids into a drug induced stupor.

That is so wrong on so many levels.
Small dose of Benedryl is not going to put them is some stupor. They obviously have issues with these kids and need some help. Their pediatrician can recommend other strategies. IMHO not getting enough sleep is far worse than that.

I do agree that people who do that on a consistent basis are being lazy and neglectful parents.
 
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