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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
What do I need to know before getting married?
Is there anything specifics I need to do, know, etc.
What recommendation would you give to someone
who's getting married?
 

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What do I need to know before getting married?
Is there anything specifics I need to do, know, etc.
What recommendation would you give to someone
who's getting married?
pre-marital counseling of any kind...make sure you know how to communicate by al means...good counseling will help there...there's a million things that'll come up that will suck unless you are properly equipped to communicate...good luck to a long happy marriage...
 

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lynnbell-

From a man's point of view I would like to state the importance of good and regular sex. Not just at the beginning but 20 years down the line.

I can only speak for myself but there are two things that make me feel loved: One is her smiling through the day at me, like I am something worth smiling at, and the other is high-quality sex at night!

Marriage will seldom sustain itself at the optimum level without at least some deliberate work at some point. It is not hard work, it is simply about re-committing to each other in ever moment. auto-Pilot is not an option.

My thread is here: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-term-success-marriage/3010-20-years-august-married-18-years.html
 

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When you make a decision to spend the rest of your life with someone, make sure you look beyond physical attraction. Of course good sex is vital in marriage. But make sure you are on the same page with every other aspect of life. About having children, how to handle money, your spiritual beliefs, your goals in life, even how the household chores are divided. Make sure you love being with that person out of bed and they are looking for the same things as you in the marriage.
 

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THE FIRST THING YOU NEED TO KNOW.... MARRIAGE IS NEVER THE SAME AS FAIRY TALES YOU READ OR THE MOVIES YOU SEE!!!!

You are not always going to be happy. Both of you will make mistakes. And there are always things that you will have to work on.
 

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openess, communication, trust, laughter and flirty.....

to me those are the most important.

Married 12 years and no end in sight :smthumbup:

I still think my wife is SMOKING HOT after together 19 years and 3 children! (dated 7)

NEVER stop flirting with your spouse
 

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There are a lot of things you should know before you get married. GPR said one of them.

2. Marriage is something you both will have to work at every single day. You don't just get married and that's it, it's smooth sailing from there... forget that. It's hard and you have to put a lot of effort into it and work on it every single day. PERIOD.

3. You have to share the same goals. If one's a saver for retirement, and the other just wants to live life on the edge and money burns a hole in the pocket, it's going to create trouble. If one wants kids and the other doesn't. Big apartment in Malibu/small house in small town Kansas? Those kind of things, and so much more, need to be discussed and agreed upon beforehand.

4. Trust trust trust trust. If you don't have trust as the basis for relationship, then you don't have a strong foundation, and the more time goes by, the more the foundation will crumble. So make it strong before embarking on a vow that's supposed to last the rest of your life.

5. Inlaws... they can be a real big bad pain in the tukus, or they can be the best thing that's ever happened.

6. Housework... whose job is it to take care of what?

7. Finances finances finances... who is the breadwinner and how will the money be spent/saved? Joint account or separate accounts? Retirement funds? Spend everything? Amount for funny money? As a side note, credit cards are evil and should be avoided b/c they'll create big trouble if the user lacks serious discipline.

8. Take time for your relationship every single week. Take a date night or day every week, or at least every two weeks. Just time that the two of you spend together, alone. My hubby and I go grocery shopping together and then go to lunch... lame, I know, but we do look forward to it.

9. Physical intimacy... what's expected? And Mark Twain said it... it's a big deal. The honeymoon phase will come to an end. Things will get stale. Things will need to be switched up. Always keep the physical part going.

10. Alone time... each partner will need some, as in a REASONABLE amount of time to do their own thing, hobby, gym, friends, etc.

11. Don't assume your partner knows what you're thinking, even if it's written all over your face, and even if you've told him a hundred times before, they are not mind readers, and they must be told what you're thinking.

12. Communication communication communication. If you can't talk and have an open, honest talk with them, that needs to be worked on. Do not bottle things up. That is disastrous.

13. Read about relationships. I guess this ties into #2, but you have to research and discover what relationships are about, and how to deal with them. Men are wired differently than women, think differently, act differently, etc. To better understand what's going on there, read about it. The Five Love Languages is a good one. You being on this forum and asking this question is AWESOME!

There's more, but I'm at a loss for it right now, but I think this is a pretty good start.

How old are you and how long have you been with this person?

I hope I didn't scare you. I got married young enough (23) and these are all things I wish I'd have known beforehand, and then seriously contemplated.
 
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