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Discussion Starter #1
This idea prompted from the current Porn Ruining Marriage thread, didn't want to thread jack.

What sexual favors can a man, or woman, ask their spouse for that the spouse or others won't say that's bad, I don't want to.....that idea comes from porn your obviously watching.

When sexual frequency by the H is high, steady, never puts W off, no issues.
 

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If someone is uptight, against porn, or thinks anything other than missionary PIV is degrading, then they will blame porn/media regardless of whether it came from there or not.

It's probably easier to list things that likely are from porn, like fake moaning or expecting moaning to be like that, orgasm theatrics, etc.
 

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Did you just ask "what can a man say that won't get him in trouble?" Because that is what I'm seeing here.
My wife is currently chain reading POS Romance from amazon unlimited. One thing that is very common in her books is an epilog with the new baby. So I guess I'm triggered by women pressuring men to stay in relationships longer than 9 months.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
That's what I'm saying. It's a catch 22.

I'm not pro/con on porn, everyone decides themselves but it seems like anytime a W would want to shut down a H looking for a varied sexual encounter she could go right to no, you only want that because of porn you're watching, you should be ashamed.

Which may indeed be a crock.
 

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Do most men expect loud moaning? If so, is it because they’ve been conditioned to expect it from porn?
I’ve never connected the two but I have been asked, in what I always considered a teasing way, why so quiet when I orgasm. I’m concentrating!;)
I did learn to let out a soft moan or a loud sigh just to be polite.
 

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This idea prompted from the current Porn Ruining Marriage thread, didn't want to thread jack.

What sexual favors can a man, or woman, ask their spouse for that the spouse or others won't say that's bad, I don't want to.....that idea comes from porn your obviously watching.

When sexual frequency by the H is high, steady, never puts W off, no issues.
All or none. Everything in porn had to initially come from outside it, and even basic missionary position is part of porn.

Adding to the difficulty is that what constitutes porn is highly subjective. Some people consider the women's and girl's section of the Sears catalog as porn.

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This idea prompted from the current Porn Ruining Marriage thread, didn't want to thread jack.

What sexual favors can a man, or woman, ask their spouse for that the spouse or others won't say that's bad, I don't want to.....that idea comes from porn your obviously watching.

When sexual frequency by the H is high, steady, never puts W off, no issues.
Good on you for starting another thread. This subject is different from the other thread because the husband is being an a hole.

People can get ideas for different kinds of sex all over, not just porn. I actually think porn is probably not a good way to get ideas about sex in general.

Talking with people, reading about it and studying books about real sex can give you all sorts of ideas that you probably wouldn't have figured out on your lonesome so what is the problem with trying something new or different once in a while?

I don't see an issue with it as long as both partners are willing to give it a go and they are respected if they don't want to or don't like it after they try it.

I don't get sex ideas from porn but I have a very active imagination and I have studied all kinds of sex for years.

A lot of my bedroom play has been learned that way and even several things I learned right here from my TAMfam.
 

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What sexual favors can a man, or woman, ask their spouse for that the spouse or others won't say that's bad, I don't want to.....that idea comes from porn your obviously watching.

When sexual frequency by the H is high, steady, never puts W off, no issues.
As to what specific sex acts? That is an individual thing based on her personal boundaries, hang-ups, beliefs, etc.

As for getting ideas, when my wife was young I bought her a subscription to Cosmo so we could discuss some of their sex tips. I also purchased a copy of the Joy of Sex "art book" for us to look through for things to try. Neither really changed her mind. When we were working with a sex therapist to save our marriage about 10 years ago, the ST loaned us a Sinclair Institute, Better Sex video. My wife thought it was porn, but the ST explained to her the difference and that this really was an instructional video.

So the point is there are alternatives to "porn" but that "porn" is in the eye of the beholder.

As to frequency, count your blessings.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
All or none. Everything in porn had to initially come from outside it, and even basic missionary position is part of porn.

Adding to the difficulty is that what constitutes porn is highly subjective. Some people consider the women's and girl's section of the Sears catalog as porn.

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That's what's my point, really. Is that everything isn't generated by porn but it seems a very popular go to excuse for the woman. Not to solely say it's only possible by a woman.

She doesn't want sex, if she shames H, she still doesn't have to have sex and puts the H on defensive so her lifestyle continues while he's confused.

I don't get how a H would ever go along with allowing himself to be controlled as such by a spouse if he knows himself to be solid.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
As to what specific sex acts? That is an individual thing based on her personal boundaries, hang-ups, beliefs, etc.

As for getting ideas, when my wife was young I bought her a subscription to Cosmo so we could discuss some of their sex tips. I also purchased a copy of the Joy of Sex "art book" for us to look through for things to try. Neither really changed her mind. When we were working with a sex therapist to save our marriage about 10 years ago, the ST loaned us a Sinclair Institute, Better Sex video. My wife thought it was porn, but the ST explained to her the difference and that this really was an instructional video.

So the point is there are alternatives to "porn" but that "porn" is in the eye of the beholder.

As to frequency, count your blessings.
And long before porn, when I traveled extensively I've bought and read most of the human nature, relationship, and personal and business growth books our there while at airports and in the air.

I'd be gone a week and by the time I returned home I had all kinds of things to try, and my imagination added many acts I could make things at home to include, like frames, racks, bondage for her.

All without internet porn.

Why some folks don't believe there were sexual hijinks long before internet porn eludes me.
 

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Well porn has changed a lot of things. Remember that there was a time that men expected only access, not enthusiasm. And how long ago was it that no self respecting wife would give oral? That's what prostitutes were for. And in more hard-core porn men often don't do much but show up yet women scream at the tops of their lungs, which creates ridiculous expectations. Amateur porn has helped with this.

Porn had a lot to do with that shift. Its not necessarily bad....i happen to think its a good thing if both parties enjoy themselves, and i happily give oral to a guy I'm happy with as I enjoy the intimacy.

But your question assumes that all women hate porn which isn't true. And even if it was, you can ask for anything you want....the issue on the other thread is that he's harassing her for things she doesn't want to do because he has a porm habit.

If she was ok with what he was asking the fact that its in porn might not matter in and of itself. By the logic of your original question I could refuse any and all sex because all of it is in porn. There's clearly a long way between traditional sex and some of the off the rails stuff in some porn.
 

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If a wife knows her husband well she will almost certainly be able to tell if something that he suddenly suggests out of the blue after years of marriage has probably come from his porn use.
I was very sad to read recently that many men are watching more and more violent porn and are wanting to act these things out with girls they meet. They are using them as just bodies to act out what they are watching and are not getting any idea of what a normal healthy sexual relationship is, and how to love and respect a partner. I fear for them and their future spouses.

I do think that a lot of what people want in sex these days is from what they have seen in porn, and anyone who pretends otherwise is very naive. I think its the absolute worst place to learn anything about healthy loving sex.
 

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If it wasn’t for media, we would probably still be rooting around in the ground with our bare hands eating grubs, picking berries and trying to keep from being eaten by leopards like our primitive ancestors. Life would primarily be about daily survival.

We are inspired by media. We strive for progress because of what we encounter in the media.

How many of us are in our careers because of what we have seen in media?

Are the cars we drive and the houses we live in inspired by something we saw in media?

Are the sports we play and the hobbies we engage in inspired by the media?

The media is definitely giving us current fears and concerns.

And the media is definitely inspiring us as a species to strive for greater technologies, to develop new medicines and procedures and to reach out to the stars themselves.

And it probably gives us some bad ideas and wrong ideas as well.

Porn is just another medium. It can inspire us (I’m still hoping to indulge in a nuru massage some day!! )

it can enlighten us ( I’d never even heard of a nuru massage before I saw it on one of the tubes)

It can educate us ( I learned how to give women a squirting orgasm from watching it on porn)

It can stimulate very open, heart to heart conversations and open channels of communication.

And it can arouse and excite us.

Cont.....
 

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People are so messed u about sex. I think there is even a "porn" category for not having any sex. Would it bug your4 wife to suggest that you not have sex? Would she call it porn?

Last time I checked I thought whatever people shares/or not was invented or experienced by people thousands of years before the invention of modern porn.

If you are in trouble for suggesting activities with your wife, then that is something to deal with her control and anxiety issues.
 

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Cont....

But can it also give us false and unrealistic ideas and expectations??

ABSOLUTELY

But so does everything else we see in media.

I liken porn to like professional wrestling. Porn is just like pro wrestling in that it is choreographed, scripted and the outcome is predetermined. And also some of the acts and techniques are not applicable to the real world. If you go into a bar fight expecting to give your opponent a pile driver and duplex and throw them over the top rope, you are going to be sorely disappointed. Same is true with many of the acts and techniques in porn.

If you get in a high speed car chase with police, it ain’t gonna be like the Fast and the Furious.

If you get in a gunfight with a bad guy, it ain’t gonna be like showdown on mainstream between the villain and the marshal in all the westerns.

If you shoot a burglar in your house, you aren’t going to be a hero to the police. You will be cuffed and hauled to jail pending an investigation.

And if you are nerdy, overweight, socially retarded nerd, the popular prom queen and lead cheerleader is not going to fall in love you.

We get all kinds of false and unrealistic ideas and expectations from the media we watch.
 

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The women’s equivalent to porn is HGTV.

My wife watches that and wants to go pick out a 2.3 million dollar beach house in Orange County and then do $450,000 worth of renovations on it in a weekend.
 

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Why some folks don't believe there were sexual hijinks long before internet porn eludes me.
To be fair, the complaint is about porn in general. Internet may be the easy current way to obtain it, but the complaint itself is older than the internet. Even if you got your ideas from another person, they must have gotten it from porn magazines.

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The women’s equivalent to porn is HGTV.

My wife watches that and wants to go pick out a 2.3 million dollar beach house in Orange County and then do $450,000 worth of renovations on it in a weekend.
I actually like porn and my husband does not so this is not a personal issue for me. But it seems many women’s issue with porn is that it makes some acts look not only pleasurable, but easy. Same with HGTV. I have been convinced by these house flipping shows that we can reroof the house ourselves, refinish our wood floors, retile the bathroom etc with no problems. Yes those things can be done, but not without proper prep, training, patience, some pain, and trial and error. HGTV doesn’t show the stars of the show leave after laying one tile and the real professionals coming to do the work. Porn doesn’t show the fasting and enemas before the shoot and the incontinence after.

Like you said, media gives all sorts of unrealistic expectations.
 

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I have to throw this out there and you can look this up yourselves, but study after study where people are hooked up to a wide variety of physiological measuring parameters like heart and respiratory rate, body temp, perspiration, facial flushing, pupil dialation, vaginal moisture, vaginal and clitoral engorgement, penile erection etc etc have shown that females not only have as much of a physiological response to viewing porn as men but they also show arousal to more types and more varieties of porn than men.

The studies showed heterosexual men show arousal when watching hetero porn and some lesbian porn, but show little to no arousal to gay porn or animal matings etc and showed no arousal to a man masturbating etc.

Conversely hetero women showed arousal across the spectrum including male-male porn, female-female porn and even great apes mating. Men masturbating, women masturbating - pretty much anything sexual.

So did self identified lesbians. They also showed arousal across the spectrum including hetero couples, male-male, female-female etc.

In other words, when measured physiologically under lab conditions, women were showing arousal across a greater spectrum of porn than men.

maybe the day is coming the tables will be turned and women will be hitting up men to do something they got turned on by in porn that the men aren’t really into.
 
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