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What more can I do??

891 Views 5 Replies 6 Participants Last post by  Too Blue
I've discovered that my husband purchased a porn subscription. I confronted him about it and he said he got it because of a rough patch we were having. I can accept that, but since then he continues to visit the site. I'm putting out all the time and doing the things he loves, why is that not enough? I feel like I'm competing with these super hot chicks and I will never be able to measure up to them.
Advice please!!!
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Tell he either the porn subscription goes or you are going to get the following procedures done or products (pick whatever applies to you best):

  • Boob job
  • Tummy tuck
  • Lipo suction
  • Collagen
  • Laser hair removal (landing strip, 100% bare, your choice)
  • Face lift
  • Anti-aging creams

I'm sure he'd give some response like "Why?" or "Yeah right...", so when he gives you a response like that you can tell him that since you have to compete with these porn stars you need to level the playing field. And if you end up attracting a lot of other men in the process, then so be it...
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Is he having sex with you? Is sex getting better when you do have sex? Then what's the problem?

If he doesn't have sex with you, if the only sex you have is "rough" or punishing, then you have a problem.

Everyone fantasizes. If it's respectful porn that enhances your relationship, I think you need to accept it for what it is: ultimately meaningless and simply a nonthreatening expression of his virility. It will only hurt you to confuse sex with love.

If what he has for you is love (accepting you as who you are, wanting the best for you, and caring for you), then you should do the same. It's as simple as that. Look for ways to share what he likes rather than cut off pieces of him that you don't like. I guarantee it will change your relationship.
Porn is a release for some guys that lets them avoid the demands that come with real life interactions. Most of them don't "confuse" the fantasy that they'll never have with the terrific reality they *do* have. But even the best wife and intimate partner want to be pleased and he knows it's on him to do that.

Where it goes wrong sometimes is that the woman feels she can't compete and starts getting controlling, leading to relationship problems. Or he gets too dependent on porn, where he's devoting too much time to needing that escape valve. This can hamper a couple's intimacy, especially if it desensitizes him to a degree that he has a hard time reaching orgasm with her.

I think you'll benefit most from evaluating exactly what effect it has on the relationship and addressing those issues. For you, the issue is your own insecurity. For him, it may be feeling judged, criticized, or lonely for some reason. Porn is his way to cope with whatever his issue is. Feeling needy/demanding is your way to cope with the insecurity you feel when he looks at porn.
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Is it porn or a live cam?

I think interacting with another woman via a live cam would be a problem.

If its just a porn site (no interaction) then ask him to limit his time spent on it.
Chill out! Porn is a man's vibrator. We are visual creatures, by nature. Ever wonder why we like it with the light on? The skanks we see on those sites, are just that, SKANKS. We do NOT compare our wives to them. Personally, I would NEVER treat my wife the way those "girls" are treated. Please realize, it is only a visual aid (for most) not something we would want to trade for. If you think that we think that you are "replacing" us with your vibrator, then I guess it's okay for you to think we're replacing you, or wish too, with porn.
my $0.02

Edit: I forgot, do you want to talk about unfair competition? Neither our willies or tongues can "vibrate"!!! LOL!!!
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