[gdtm0111]

so in my case, first she had the EA then said she wanted a divorce, then kisses the OM, this past weekend she tells me about it, and this morning I realize who the OM is and she confirmed it.

Funny, I introduced the OM to my W, back when his W and I worked for the same company - about 2 or 3 years ago.

Do I contact the OW or leave it alone. I see her Facebook page doesn't show her relation status.

so here's the lessons I feel I've learned:
Don't take your spouse for granted.
If you aren't happy in your marriage, it would better to tell your spouse and move on rather than having an affair - well that was more for her to learn.

Moving forward:
In my case its causing anxiety issues, however oatmeal and Ginger have helped that.
its tough when you still have to live together, and still have feelings.

What lessons have you learned?

 

[IrishGirlVA]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. You should definitely check out the infidelity forum of this website. There will be a lot of great information there for you.

By my two cents -- Yes, you should tell the OW. She has a right to know who and what she is married to. Then she'll be able to have all the information she needs to make an informed decision as to whether or not she wants to reconcile.

I know this must make you sick to your stomach. When I went through this oatmeal and plain bagels helped me through.

Your wife needs to take 100% ownership for her affair. It doesn't matter what kind of husband you were that is no excuse -- like you said. Your wife also needs to be 100% transparent. You should have access to EVERYTHING! Text messages, emails, etc. Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.

 

[Jellybeans]

Yes, tell his wife. Send her a private message on FB and tell her everything you know.

Has your wife gone "no contact" with him? If not, she needs to or you have no marriage to speak of.

Lessons learned: never say never, boundaries are paramount, lead by example.

 

[underwater2010]

Do I contact the OW or leave it alone. I see her Facebook page doesn't show her relation status.

I would sent her a message just in case. If they are not together, then it won't hurt anything. If they are, then you just blocked the chance of it starting again.

so here's the lessons I feel I've learned:
Don't take your spouse for granted.

Sounds like that is something she should have learned also.

If you aren't happy in your marriage, it would better to tell your spouse and move on rather than having an affair - well that was more for her to learn.

It did not take my FWH EA for me to know that. The sad fact is he even agreed with that statement before we even got married.

What lessons have you learned?

I will never assume that someone has the same values that I do.

I will listen and watch closely for any changes in our relationship as they usually signify that something is amiss.

I will take time to absorb statements made in time of anger as the are usually based in truth.

I can only be the best me possible and if that is not good enough in the end, then so be it.

I will stop sacraficing my sanity for everyone else and take time to keep mine.

That there are plenty of men that would appreciate everything I have to offer, I just refused to see it prior to the affair.

I will never become a CHEATER!!!!

 

[gdtm0111]

Irish - i have read many threads in CWI section. I believe that has helped me stay sane thru some of this. Cause otherwise I would have flipped.

Underwater - thank you for sharing those lessons. I really have to agree with your comments.