Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 9 of 9 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
145 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am so frustrated with myself. My H had an affair and I actually heared them together on a VAR. The pain is so intense sometimes. We have been physically seperated for over 10 weeks but mentally seperated for a few months before that. He wants to be with me and tries to help me with anything and everything but doesn't do any real work towards R. I don't want to R in my head but my heart isn't listening. I know I need to move on, I want to but jeez. Why is this so hard? Where is my self respect? What's wrong with me? I know I need to move on and yet, he is still here...in my heart. I am going to listen to the VAR again this weekend to remind myself of what exactly he did. I know this will be very bad for me but I also know I NEED TO MOVE ON! I deserve someone that won't do this to me....multiple times to boot. I need help. Sorry for the vent.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
728 Posts
I know this is hard. We all know how hard it is to let go. You need to see that you deserve better. You know what you need to do. It is very hard when you head and heart don't say the same thing. I would look into the 180 and an std test ASAP!
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,402 Posts
thats ok momma you vent till your hearts content.

but so his done it before has he , if so that's not good.
i know you know but if he has done it a few times well , he probably can't help himself , but hey maybe i'm wrong .
if it was only the once , well depending on hows and whys , i dunno . if i still loved her i'd make her stew for a few mths then consider getting back if i could get past it.
but i'd have to know somehow that it would NEVER , happen again myself. i'd have to be 100% sure of it and know to the same that he was gone and there's no way she's seeing him anywhere ever .

hang in there though you don't have to make any decisions right now. although i realize it hurts like hell and he might be the cure but , try and hold out i say until you know in yourself which way to go and what you need him to do.

ps , how long together , married , any kids ?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
54 Posts
Have you looked into individual counselling to try to help answer your questions?

C
:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

Please seek counseling, it is the best thing you can do for yourself right now. For some reason our brains aren't open to certain ideas and perspectives until a 3rd, non-bias party asks us the right questions and forces us to dig deep. Trust me on this.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
145 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I have actually been in IC since he did this. Lately I haven't been able to go on a regular basis however because I finally went back to work after being a SAHM for 11 years. I also attend a Divorce Care class through my work which just ended.

We have been together for 19 years in less than a month and 14 years married. We have 3 kiddos.

I just feel like such an idiot some times. I mean really?! I can't seem to stop loving him and I am letting him get close to me again which needs to stop...hence listening to the VAR again. Not only did he cheat but both of my parents were dying during this time. Sigh. I don't want to be divorced. I have always said I didn't believe in it, for me, and I don't but even God doesn't approve of this behavior. I think that because there has been no pain recently, it makes it easy to forget. It's also hard knowing that you are responsible for everyones life by your choices. Yes, I know that he chose this path which puts me in this position but to know that you can easily stay and make him and your kids happy is a lot of pressure, whether it's right or wrong. :(
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,203 Posts
He chose his path ... now you must chose yours. What do you want to teach your kids? Divorce this immoral loser. You deserve way better. I would start the 180 and the divorce ASAP.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,705 Posts
I just feel like such an idiot some times. I mean really?! I can't seem to stop loving him and I am letting him get close to me again which needs to stop...hence listening to the VAR again. Not only did he cheat but both of my parents were dying during this time. Sigh. I don't want to be divorced. I have always said I didn't believe in it, for me, and I don't but even God doesn't approve of this behavior. I think that because there has been no pain recently, it makes it easy to forget. It's also hard knowing that you are responsible for everyones life by your choices. Yes, I know that he chose this path which puts me in this position but to know that you can easily stay and make him and your kids happy is a lot of pressure, whether it's right or wrong. :(
The feeling of not wanting to be divorced could be a big factor as to why you cannot 'let go'.

Dropping the label you feel that will be placed on yourself as a single mother of 3 needs to be established.

Make him happy?

He made his choices.

You no longer owe him any sort of 'happiness'.

As for your children.

A healthy and happy you will benefit your children by default.

Living in delusion (and a lie) for 'the sake of the kids' will not last long.

Even if you think you are pulling a 'fast one' on them, they will see through the cracks eventually.

Also remember.

One day your children will become free thinking adults.

Sculpted and formed by not only what happens in family life.

But by what they see and go through themselves in the future.

They may not understand now, as to why mom doesn't want to be with dad.

In the future, they will.

So focus on yourself and your kids.

That is what you deserve.
 
1 - 9 of 9 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top