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Discussion Starter #1
My little dog got sprayed by a skunk in our back yard. My husband was there too. I picked her up and ran into the garage, left her there and ran into the house to look online to figure out what to do. I then ran out to the garage to start washing her. I asked my husband to help but he layed down on the couch and in a disgusted angry voice said "I don't need this!!! You should keep your dog on a leash!!!" I was shocked he wasn't being supportive or helping. I needed him to get some tomato juice at the store and he angrily replied that he'd had 2 beers so couldn't go (meanwhile still laying on the couch while I was grappling with skunked dog). He directed his anger at me instead of the situation and was not at all helpful. I got upset and told him that when HIS old dog got into skunks or procupines I was always helpful and supportive. I NEVER blamed him! He finally went to the store which is just up the street. But by that time I was upset with him. Besides dealing with very smelly dog. He took ages to return and was a bit more helpful but still grumbling. What is this behavior? What should I do next? I told him he could either cop to his behavior or leave.
 

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There isn't enough info here...

Is this a one time, isolated event? Or does this happen frequently? Was he just in a bad mood that day? Does he help with other things? Did he want the dog in the first place? Why do you have "his" dogs and "your dog"? You're married...if you get a pet it's a family pet.
 

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You’ve been here five years writing about the asshole who you’re married to. On your very first post you wrote about him locking you out of your home when you said you didn’t want him meeting up with his ex.
You’ve had numerous threads about his behavior but your still with him.
Why?
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Tell me the history of your dog and his involvement with that dog?
We got Bella when our other big dog was very old. I picked her out at the shelter. We've always had big dogs but I fell in love with her. She's a beautiful chihuahua papillon mix. He didn't want a small dog at first but has grown to love her and she adores him. She has been such an easy dog and rarely does things like bigger dogs. That's why I was so shocked by his response. Our big dogs got into trouble (chasing things, skunks, burrs, etc) at least once a year. But in at least 8 years this is the first time Bella did this. I think it's because it was our backyard.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
What exactly do you want him to do?
I want him to apologize for being so unsupportire, harsh and blaming during a crises when I needed his support and help. That's what I've always done for him when these kinds of things happened with our other dogs.
 

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There isn't enough info here...

Is this a one time, isolated event? Or does this happen frequently? Was he just in a bad mood that day? Does he help with other things? Did he want the dog in the first place? Why do you have "his" dogs and "your dog"? You're married...if you get a pet it's a family pet.
This is a one time thing with Bella but this is the only time there's ever been a serious crises with her (she never gets into "trouble"). He was not in a bad mood - we had just been having a good evening. It came out very suddenly in response to Bella suddenly yelping in pain. My response was to rush in and start trying to help Bella and his was to lay on the couch and loudly grumble about how he didn't need this and loudly blame me for not having her on a leash (in our backyard?). He does help with other things and he's very helpful when things go bad with other people. But out of the blue he can sometimes be very mean, blaming and insensitive. His response is inconsistent. 90% of the time he's kind but 10% of the time he can be insensitive or unkind. I never know how he's going to respond and that is a problem in our marriage. I see the dogs as "our" dogs but he sees them as "his or mine". The big dogs have been "his" and this little dog has been "mine". I've pushed for all the dogs as being our dogs but he persists in this. What does that mean?
 

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He is who he is and he apparently has no interest in changing. That means you’ll have to accept things won’t change (for the better anyway) or else move on.
 

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I want him to apologize for being so unsupportire, harsh and blaming during a crises when I needed his support and help. That's what I've always done for him when these kinds of things happened with our other dogs.
Tell me more about this multi- apologee that you need. Will it be in writing? Noterized? Include a guarantee of improved behavior in the future? Or is there a form of physical abasement ( kneeling, boot kissing)?
I ask because it may turn out easier to choose your second option and leave. I'm personally leaning to that rather than appeasing you and the pooch.
 

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The big dogs have been "his" and this little dog has been "mine". I've pushed for all the dogs as being our dogs but he persists in this. What does that mean?
Not knowing your husband, and never having met him, my opinion is it means he's an asshole. JMO.
 

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This is who your husband is. He's a jerk. You know that but you choose to stay with him. You know he's not going to apologize so why waste any energy on this?

Since he will not go to marriage counseling, I would probably benefit from going to individual counseling to learn how to not let his nonsense upset you so much. Or maybe through counseling you can figure out how to divorce him since you are so unhappy in your marriage.
 
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