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My parents were so overprotective, that I was TWENTY YEARS OLD before I learned to take the subway alone.

Shielding too much causes naivete and rebellion. I would not have been with a controlling older man for two years, if I was allowed to learn and explore relationships. He was able to manipulate me, because I did not know any better.

I moved out at 21, because I needed to learn to use my own mind, instead of my parents hovering over me like I was still 13.

My mother only spoke about sex as something to be avoided and dangerous. She instilled distrust of men.
 

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Discussion Starter · #22 ·
I do try to talk to my D about sex and relationships but she gets super embarrased and NEVER participates in the "discussion" which feels very awkward and then I get embarrassed because I'm making her embarrassed! I know i should press on regardless as she will be taking stuff in even if she doesen't respond but I do find this difficult. Also I am realising that things need to be said more than once, but again it's tricky to revisit past topics when she is so reluctant to participate in the "discussion". i have to avoid a tendency to think right, I've told her about X so that's done.

My own mother didn't really talk to me about sex apart from saying to make sure I didn't end up pregnant - fullstop (both my older sisters had unplanned pregnancies in their teens!). Thankfully I didn't but unfortunately I have had issues with men presenting one way whilst keeping their real self totally hidden. I have been too trusting yet I thought I was savvy which is why I don't feel confident in getting the balance (too naive v. too suspicious) right with her.
What you describe is likely very common, not all teens want to talk to thier moms, it can be embarrassing -but I bet they are talking to their friends , so they can do it !

This is very unfortunate, I guess this comes back to that .. ..."ongoing " conversation thing & being approachable at a very young age, plus I think even the temperment of the child may play a role, some kids are just MORE PRIVATE, it will be like pulling teeth, a boundary they will never be comfortable with.

When I hear some ask...when it is time for the "Birds & the Bees" talk, that in itself sounds "awkward" to me, to dump all that on in one sitting & feel the "deed" has been done, you are trying to avoid that , this is good. My little girl is 8, I am forever asking her questions, she smiles & giggles saying "I don't know" many times ....and in my own goofy way, I won't accept that -kinda making fun & she starts laughing, but I am coaxing her to SPEAK HER MIND with me, I want her to do that -and boldly -if she does it with me, she is going to do it outside of our family too. It is a part of being "assertive", which I want her to be. She is not going to get away from my asking her things. She seems to enjoy my being interested in her & what she has to say..... I hope that will remain as she grows into her teens, I guess time will tell, this is MY way of grooming now.


I would ask Advocado ....have you ever sat down and opened up about your own past with the boys...even the more unpleasant things, the boys hiding who they were -that you mention here.... sharing your own experiences with your daughter could be a way of getting her to feel the freedom to share herself , maybe even ask YOU a question she may be curious about, a little relating there possibly.... As it is opening youself up 1st , still could be a bit embarrassing.....but just NOTICE some of the replies on here where women are saying thier Mom's didn't tell them anything about themselves ...and it seems they wish they had !

I think many parents want to exclude the hurt of thier own Teen years , or how they messed up, or missed it , trying to spare their children from these details of thier own learning, not wanting them to look down on us. Yeah, it humbles us to some degree, but still , the lesson could be the most valuable of all. I guess I am one who feels the openness, even the things we got wrong -can be even more helpful than burying them. I am one who learned MORE from the mistakes of my Mother in how she delt with men than anything she ever taught me through words. It was her experiences -that accually "spoke" to me, to not go down a similar path.
 

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Thank you for your thoughts. I LOVE talking to my kids, I seem to enjoy the TEEN years even more though, my daughter is not even 10 yet, so all of these FUN and more indepth discussions will not be happening any time soon, boys to her are "eeewwwwwww" right now. A little neighbor boy is in love with her & in the car one day the brothers were razzing her about it, I threw in a little joke & she whirled something at my head & got REALLY mad, so boys are scum right now, her brothers included.

But I assume someday, this will all take a sudden turn towards "awe" for the male species. But you are right, we never know, my only daughter could go the way of a Chastity Bono . What can you do, but love 'em anyway.

I was always very open with my Mother -she was always so EASY to talk too. I always asked her ALOT of questions, even in my teens. I am still learning now in the last few years -things about her private life. She never hesitated to share any of the things she did, even things that caused her MUCH heartache. I am thankful for the whole sorted story. It helped me make better decisions for my own life.
I love your post.

My daughter is 17, so I have already had to cover a lot of topics. We have talked about the consequences of sex: babies and STD's. We have talked about how teenage boys more then likely are just after sex. My daughter at this point is waiting to have sex. This is her decision. She is very adamant about it. She won't even have the Guardisel shot yet. She says she doesn't need it because she is not having sex.

I have talked to her about how sex brings a women closer to a man. How it is enjoyable and an expression of love.

What I would like to emphasize more to her since I have been on TAM is the beautiful side of sex. She is not very open to these discussions, so I will have to time it just right.

I would like to tell her that sex is a special kind of honesty and as such it deserves respect and honesty in all its occurrences. We should never pretend someone means something to us in order to get sex. We need to be honest about our past experiences with our husband. If you wouldn't want to tell your husband your number, than don't create that number.

I would like to explain to her what I have learned about the male sex drive. It is what it is. As women we may not know how intense it is, but that is OK. We can still meet our husband's or lover's needs while demanding respect for ourselves as a person.

After reading the threads from posters who have spouses that have suffered past sexual abuse, I would like to bring that up as a topic. It seems common that parents don't always know about these instances. We have had talks about these situations, but I never realized how much pain they can cause a spouse who doesn't know about them. I think this would be good information for anyone.

This is a topic I will continue to think about. I have enjoyed reading the threads and am glad you started it.
 

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SA,

You mentioned talking about past experiences. This is something I am going to think about with an open mind. I have always thought I shouldn't. I didn't want it to be an excuse for her to do something she would regret. But mostly, I don't want her to judge me. I think this is the biggest reason mothers don't talk about this part of their life with their daughters.
 

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Discussion Starter · #25 ·
I would like to tell her that sex is a special kind of honesty and as such it deserves respect and honesty in all its occurrences. We should never pretend someone means something to us in order to get sex. We need to be honest about our past experiences with our husband. If you wouldn't want to tell your husband your number, than don't create that number.
I like this, I agree with you wholeheartily. There have been a # of threads on this forum where this comes out AFTER the vows, or one "omitted"- or outright lied to keep the other, and the mistrust that results, some feel bitterly betrayed, when it comes to light down the road. I recall this thread shorty after I started posting here ..... http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...ifes-sexual-past-lies-about-being-virgin.html

These things just shouldn't be. We need to be wholly transparent with someone we are about to marry -for life. If we can't share where we came from (after all these things help SHAPE who we are)... I wouldn't even consider being with someone who couldn't give me "that". This level of transparency would mean MORE to me than anything they have done, the willingness to not hide themselves, and allow me in.

After all, the majority of us WILL have some experiences, even I did a few things with a neighbor boy -before I met my husband, just a little experimentation, it wasn't sex but I also can't say I regret it either.

After reading the threads from posters who have spouses that have suffered past sexual abuse, I would like to bring that up as a topic. It seems common that parents don't always know about these instances. We have had talks about these situations, but I never realized how much pain they can cause a spouse who doesn't know about them.
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Yes, this is something I left out !! The possibility of sexual abuse should ALWAYS be talked to our children! Say No! Protecting Children Against Sexual Abuse

I have a dear friend who learned the hard way, I remember her telling me yrs ago- about a BIL who had something happen in his past -with a young girl - but she was convinced he was cured, a redeemed man, married to her sister for yrs & yrs, they have a grown son, near perfect marriage, never a hint of ANYTHING. She would allow , on occasion, her girls & littlest son spend the night over their house, she trusted her sister TO KNOW he was "safe". Well, years passed, and if it wasn't for that little brother saying something to mom that didn't sound quite right (I forget what) she might have never started questioning her girls about those overnight stays.......what she learned- changed their lives forever .... he was TOUCHING HER DAUGHTERS & threatening & manipulating them to keep their mouths shut.

Her husband near wanted to kill him... her sister divorced him, he ended up in Jail, & on the National sex offender list- and her girls immediately into Therapy.

Her youngest started drawing pictures to show how she FELT during that time, pictures with a LOCK on her lips, sadness on her face, it was a part of her own personal therapy. My friend ended up publishing a small readable book with a collection of her drawnings to speak to young kids about sexual abuse. Taken from her book is states ...
There is less of a chance of your child being abused by a stranger than a family member, friend, or babysitter. It has been shown, for example, that in 90% of child-rape cases -the child already knows the abuser. She gives a warning to be cautious of individuals who would rather have the attention of children than adults, or who single them out with gifts, affection & fun activities. An abuser will often "groom" victims & their families for an extended period of time with nonsexual physical contact. Thus, the abuser might take months or even years before they begin to assult their victim. You need to trust your parental instincts to identify an unsafe situation for your child.
Child Sexual Abuse | American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry

Child Abuse Research and Statistics

What to teach our kids as little as 18 months old ....

What Can Parents Do to Prevent Sexual Abuse?

Tell someone in authority if you suspect that your child or some else's child is being abused. No man stands as tall as he who bends to help a child. ~Robert Wagner


Prevention measures to safeguard your children should begin early, since a number of child abuse cases involve preschoolers. The following guidelines offer age-appropriate topics to discuss with your children:


Stay alert to sexual abuse and teach your children what it is. Tell them they can and should say NO! or STOP! to adults who threaten them sexually. Make sure your children know that it's OK to tell you about any attempt to molest them - no matter who the offender is.

18 months - Teach your child the proper (accurate) names for body parts. Diapering, potty time, and bathing are good times for this to occur naturally. Know with whom your child is spending time. Be careful about letting your child spend time in out-of-the-way places with other adults or older children. Plan to visit your child's caregiver without notice. Teach your child about the privacy of body parts, from the time they're toddlers, to respect their own and others' privacy (but maintain constant vigilance to ensure their safety).

Teach them to feel good about themselves, their bodies, and their future - to have self-confidence, self-respect, and self-worth. Teach them to express their feelings in words from early preschool age, and LISTEN to what they say. Don't stop just because they grown into teens.

3-5 years - Teach your child about private parts of the body and how to say no to sexual advances. Talk to your child about sexual abuse. Teach them specifically (children don't generalize; they are literal-minded) that no one may touch their "bathing suit" areas unless you are present or have given permission for a specific situation such as a doctor's visit, and that they are not to look at or touch anyone else's unclothed bodies without your permission.

Teach them to say "NO!" forcefully and loudly if someone tries to get them to do something that you have taught them is wrong or that they believe is wrong, and to get help if the person persists. Give straight forward answers about sex.

Teach them that the human body is beautiful and has inherent dignity. Children's books for this purpose or artistic paintings and sculpture can help convey this so that kids don't have to look at "dirty" pictures or experiment with playmates to satisfy their natural curiosity. Teach them that they can ALWAYS come to you if they feel uncomfortable in any situation and that you will help them. Remind them especially when they are away from home. Listen when your child tries to tell you something, especially when it seems hard for her to talk about it.


5-8 years - Discuss safety away from home and the difference between good touch and bad touch. Encourage your child to talk about scary experiences. Give your child enough of your time so that the child will not seek attention from other adults.

8-12 years
- Stress personal safety. Start to discuss rules of sexual conduct that are accepted by the family.


13-18 years - Stress personal safety. Discuss rape, date rape, sexually transmitted diseases, & unintended pregnancy.
 

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SA,

Another good post. I don't remember if this has been said. We need to remember that older children can target younger children. Sometimes this may even just be curiosity on an older child's part. How it affects the younger child may be the same as abuse. Also there are abusers who are older children.

So much to watch for. Sometimes it is hard to remember to present the beautiful side of sex.
 

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Discussion Starter · #27 ·
You mentioned talking about past experiences. This is something I am going to think about with an open mind. I have always thought I shouldn't. I didn't want it to be an excuse for her to do something she would regret. But mostly, I don't want her to judge me. I think this is the biggest reason mothers don't talk about this part of their life with their daughters.
This is how I think about this stuff... Not everyone is going to agree with me, these are just MY opinions. I feel when talking to hormonally charged teens, when they themselves might be on the verge of SEX with a real live boyfriend ..... it IS a way to be "relatable'..... to show the daughter....."LOOK, MOM was just like me- she struggled with the same STUFF as I am" ...it may just PERK up her ears-such honesty , even a little humbling... and bring YOU down to her level to some degree. Too many parents come off as narrow minded conservative ogers who you would have thought lived 100 yrs ago -while hiding how wild they really were. Why we think our kids are that clueless is almost silly to me.

It is not that a parent has to share everything , or coarse not!! But if you have learned any 'valuable" lessons from the past-that could help her, spare her, yeah, even got caught up into temptation that overwhelmed - then regretted - this doesn't diminish who you are as a wife or Mother, it just shows you experienced something, it may have hurt you ...your honest intent is...to spare HER the same heartache.

Maybe you have nothing you regret!

I REALLY like this article-on this particular topic - this is precisely how I THINK on these things -to the letter...but I am not a Mormon (though I have good friends who are), I was hoping to find a non-religious article instead.

How forthright should parents be about their past transgressions with their children?

.
 

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Talking to my D about my own personal experiences would certainly be worthwhile if it gets her attention and helps her know that I am only human too. I t's not something I have contemplated doing before and so is a little daunting, but I am up for giving it a go. Thank you for suggesting this alternative approach. You are wise indeed!
 

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My daughter is very very very precious to me. After seeing 4 little penis's in a row when giving birth, I can not even express.. finally.... hearing ...
!! :yay::yay:


I count WHO my daughter marries oneday to be the single most important decision she will ever make in her entire life.....and how she handles her sexuality before she meets this man can not be under-estimated -in my opionion. It has the power & potential to destroy her dreams, or allow them to take flight to full fruition, with no regrets.




1. 1st, SEX will never be a dirty word in our household. I want my daughter to see playful displays of affection between me & her father, we do not hide kisses, hugs, even a little flirting, I want her to see a healthy happiness there. I also instill within her, even now - she can come to me with anything & everything, nothing will shock me, I understand human nature well, nor will I shame her for any subject. We are very open communicators in our family - It is a good foundation to be laid.

But 1st -what do I mean by SEX....I agree with this definition...."Having sex" means any consensual behavior between two individuals involving genital contact & bodily penetration. That means oral sex, anal sex, and vaginal sex are all "sex' " .... can read more here ..... The Definition of 'Sex'

2. I will teach my daughter .....Sex is beautiful thing ...but it has it's place, there is a time & a season for such beauty... it is meant to be shared between 2 people who LOVE each other. There is no greater pleasure God has given us on this earth, no emotional BONDING that has more meaning -as the giving & receiving in this way, that this act has the awesome potential to Create NEW LIFE..... that it should never be used casually, or carelessly, because of this very fact, It carries the greatest of responsibilities with it. It is the awesomest of the AWESOME. I will refer to it as "sacred" even.


3. I will teach my daughter not everyone looks at Sex as this Special. What she sees in the media, magazines, tv, music, hears in school, even sees friends experience - too often results in broken relationships where sex was ingaged in TOO QUICKLY, the "bad boys" being praised for their conquests, Girls giving themselves to these gamers in hopes "for love", women dressing to entice the hot guys -and for what ? Hearts ripped in 2, tears, loss of self esteem sometimes, pregnancy faced alone, Grandparents raising grandchildren, children growing up without fathers, a night of physical passion without connection? Rubbers can be worn but the brokenness that follows SCARS our entire society.

I will ask her how she feels about these things. I will ask her what SHE wants for her own life. I will tell her she has POWER, she has CHOICES....and to never be led by "the crowd". She is her own woman.

Also she MUST take responsibility for those choices. Personal Responsibility is HUGE in our family -I will not allow my TEENS to see themselves as "victims" - if they had a voice & a choice in the matter.

Sure we all make mistakes, we forge ahead living in the moment, none of us are perfect, but to KNOW the "games" others play, know the "RISKS" of each action before indulging & OWN your own "hand" in it- this is a must.


4. I will explain to my daughter, she WILL Have sexual urges, this is natural .... and to understand BOYS have those same urges -but raging 10 times MORE than she is feeling them- if that can even be imagined ! They are near blinded with LUST ...and this overflows out of thier mouths with flirtatious fury around the girls. To not be fooled, this has nothing ever to do with LOVE..... she needs to understand this completely, their minds have been near hi-jacked by Overloads of Testosterone. Some are scrambling to understand it themselves, their IS an immaturity there. Boys will also be compelled to look upon porn & oogle women, I don't care how "good" or "moral" they are, they will WANT to do this. My daughter will have a FINE education on the male sex drive.

A few comments from men themselves on the http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/34971-male-sex-drive.html thread about their youth, I appreciate their honesty! ....



5. I will explain to my daughter ...if a Boy truly has HER interests at heart (some are struggling with LUST & pangs of LOVE, their very own hearts).... if influenced by Genuine feelings of care & interest in MORE than some booty.... these boys will stick around, they will continue to woo her, "wait" for HER- every part of her, they will listen to her, they will take "the time" - (of course they will be fantasizing like mad in addition) but still they will try to BE that gentleman for their "lady".....take her out , make plans to enjoy things together, talks walks & talk, call her just to hear her voice, learn of her as a person, ask what she enjoys & make that happen. :)

These boys may itch to get in her pants, but she should never JUMP... if she is interested in them, TEST them with the ruler of TIME, allow them to openly reveal their "heart" in regards to her. This is wisdom.



I am of the belief.... Although ALL men LOVE & crave sex, they will "wait" & pursue the one girl that captures their heart & soul. Once they are "caught", they are ensnared. Love is the most amazing thing on this earth. The greatest love songs ever penned were written by MEN in love.



6. When she starts dating herself -being alone with a boy turning into a man, I will likely share how me & her father handled ourselves before we married. Where our boundaries were....was MORE than the Church would consider "moral" but it was LESS than what the majority, even within the church pew did themselves! So let the judgers judge. But for us... it kept us from burning with LUST, an "emotional connection" grew & we still had something "NEW" to bring to our Wedding night, what we deemed the most sacred to give to each other .

My daughter will have to decide for herself what her "personal boundaries" will be in this area.

Some women can enjoy Sex without an emotional connection... I personally can not understand this at all, I am greedy!! I would want BOTH, LUST is passionate & all Consuming -YES ! ....but I would want MORE from that man, I would tie myself to him, want to posses him , It would utterly DEVESTATE me if he did not feel the same as I, was cold the next day or ....gone.

I will talk openly to my daughter about this side of sex also, and ask how she would feel about such things. Explaining MANY men can separate this, one night stands are common. But I will always believe, overwhelmingly more women get HURT by these, loosing a part of themselves along the way.


7. I will speak openly about STD's/ veneral diseases with my daughter.....she MUST not be ignorant of the physical ramifications that can come upon her body, some for life. Many do not even know they have it -when it is transmitted. Untreated, some can lead to pelvic inflammatory disease- which causes Infertility- which can risk her future chances of being a mother. STD's That Cause Infertility

A list here:
Sexually Transmitted Diseases: Rhode Island Department of Health

8. I will teach my daughter there is a heavy EMOTIONAL side to sex.... Sex releases certain chemicals in our brains that change the way we think ...the hormones released work to bond us to our partner, it's like gluing two pieces of paper together. If you tried to tear those pages apart, the break wouldn't be a clean one. The same kind of thing happens when there's a breakup in a sexual relationship. These break ups can be as painful as mini-divorces. If this happens over & over & over, it has a way of de-personalizing our emotions.

Also, these sexual memories of our 1st, 2nd, 3rd boyfriends may linger in our psyche, show up in the bedroom later with our very husbands, comparisons creep in. We may wish he was as BIG as #1, or his oral skills was as arousing as #2. It is just something to consider. Of coarse men can do this also, comparing old girlfriends to thier wives. Then we have the whole Facebook debacle with old lovers befriending each other & the nightmare that brings.


9. Although many men will not care how many partners a girl had in her youth -they may even be ecstatic she is experienced & could show him a thing or 2! There are SOME men out there who will care, it has Great meaning to them -and it is not as much about "insecurities"...as much as it is about "the sacredness" they attach to "love making" -they feel this is the Greatest gift one can give their future bride/husbands, worthy of the waiting- hard as it may be to contain. My oldest son feels this way-strongly , I will not belittle that ..but being such a pure Virgin, I feel has it's RISKS also ...which brings me to ...


10. Sexual Repression is far too common - 1 hinderance I do not wish upon any of my children, although I want them to wait -make sure they are loved & cherished BEFORE they "give" their full selves to another.

I will teach my daughter ... If she is going to be in a relationship with a man, she needs to understand him, and have compassion on what HE is going through physically, if he is willing to wait for her - IF that is even her desire. And a man NEEDS to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that even though she may not be READY to engage in genital to genital contact with him, that she craves physical intimacy with him, , that she is deeply sexually attracted to him. I would hope their openness would blossom to Orgasm talk & how they feel about them, as I feel a man should KNOW these things about any woman he marries. This gives him some indication of her sex drive, as this could vary greatly from woman to woman.

This will be very unpopular advice for strict religious believers, but I feel it is terribly RISKY for a high drive man to marry a pure untouched virgin, he really has NO IDEA if she will even ENJOY sex - which "could" put him in a near prison once married, if she finds out she doesn't care for it after the vows. LOVE is NOT ENOUGH to keep that flame alive, Healthy sex is vital to all marriages. I've read too many personal stories, very heart breaking.

I knew of one couple who didn't even KISS until their wedding day. Do I think they are crazy...yeah pretty much... but I guess it worked out for THEM, he was not resentful, they waited, they have no regrets..to each our own in our ...personal boundaries. So long as both is on the same page, you may have found your "match" made in Heaven.

I don't feel she needs to be so pure as to either of them burning with lust, while near crying to touch each other. I think we need to ENJOY each others body to some degree, even give each other pleasure. I think the problem most would have is..they wouldn't be able to stop- once they got going. I guess me & my husband are not the norm, we never went over our boundaries in this regard- though I sure remember wanting too! .




Wow! That is fabulous! You've covered everything and explain this very well! Thank you.
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I was directed here by SimplyAmorous so as to not hijack another thread. She wanted to know my thoughts on teaching my daughter about sex from a Christian perspective.

I do have a daughter. She is too young for sex education now, so I haven't practiced what I'm preaching yet. But, I plan to tell her that sex outside of marriage is sinful. I will always use the qualifying phrase "outside of marriage" when discussing sex. Inside marriage, I think sex is wonderful. And I want my daughter to be clear on the difference.

It's tragic when girls are taught, or more probably accurately, infer, that all sex is bad. I doubt that many people teach that all sex is bad. But I will be making a concerted effort to train my daughter to save herself for marriage. And then she can go nuts with a clear conscience.
 

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Discussion Starter · #31 ·
I do have a daughter. She is too young for sex education now, so I haven't practiced what I'm preaching yet. But, I plan to tell her that sex outside of marriage is sinful. I will always use the qualifying phrase "outside of marriage" when discussing sex. Inside marriage, I think sex is wonderful. And I want my daughter to be clear on the difference.
What do you define as SEX PHTlump? That word can encompass many things and many interpretations , depending on who you ask ... Bill Clinton comes to mind.

What is going too far.....in the eyes of a Christian father.. at what point does the honorable become the sinful in your beliefs.

Our Pastor did not even allow his sons to be alone with their girlfriends , they were only allowed in groups... for years - and they both married very young. Obvously he didn't trust them to restrain at all. Do you also plan to put such restraints on your daughters to ensure the lust doesn't lead a little further than what you feel is acceptable. Is Touching each other allowed or is that considered SEX to you?

Or is sex = intercourse, what fuses 2 bodies as one.

I don't think one can restrain feeling LUST, it is simply human....but we can draw our lines in the sand, restrain what we allow our bodies to do with it.

I am a little disappointed.. I was hoping for more details from you. :(
 

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I was directed here by SimplyAmorous so as to not hijack another thread.
Same here, though I'm not a parent and wife & I don't plan to be (wouldn't stop one from coming though).

I do have a daughter. She is too young for sex education now, so I haven't practiced what I'm preaching yet.
But, I plan to tell her that sex outside of marriage is sinful.

I will always use the qualifying phrase "outside of marriage" when discussing sex. Inside marriage, I think sex is wonderful. And I want my daughter to be clear on the difference.
Well-stated.
You also need to tell them that they can be forgiven if they fall, which is very likely, Christian man/woman or not...

It's tragic when girls are taught, or more probably accurately, infer, that all sex is bad. I doubt that many people teach that all sex is bad.
Good. Sex is created by God so it has to be good.
But in the proper context of marriage, of course.
 

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Re: young girls increasingly becoming seuxally aggressive with boys...

Depending on where you live, bring them up in a very Christian environment doesn't mean
that they will not have sex before marriage.
This is so true. Surveys show many Christians, if not majority, have sex these days as teenagers.


I would really make a big focus of their learning/teaching on males.
How a growing boy thinks, how it changes when they become a young man,
changes again when he becomes a mature adult male.

What motivates them during these different stages. What sex really means to them.
Good advice.
Young men need instruction maybe even more than young women.
Don't recall anyone talking with me about the importance of waiting, what the first time would be like, how I should treat women, respect them and the importance of falling in love first, etc.
If someone had told me about that (wasn't really raised in a Christian home), may not have had sex @17-18.
 

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Re: young girls increasingly becoming seuxally aggressive with boys...

Listening to Family Life Today radio the other day,
https://www.facebook.com/familylifetoday
... learn how young girls, 12-16 y.o., are increasingly pressuring boys to get sexual with them.
Family Life Today

4/18 Would your son know what do to if he was propositioned by a member of the opposite sex? What about a member of the same sex?

Dennis Rainey, author of numerous books including "Parenting Today's Adolescent" and "Interviewing Your Daughter's Date," speaks frankly to parents about equipping sons to handle aggressive girls.

Would've thought it would be the other way around, but know these young girls are becoming increasingly aggressive, hitting on young men and wanting sex (not necessarily relationships).
That isn't good for society and clearly, more education is needed for both sexes.


***SimplyAmorous ****
You need to visit the Family Life Today site, read more about the young aggressive women and talk with your sons about this....
They may not be able to resist...
Not sure if I could've @12-16.....
 

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Re: young girls increasingly becoming seuxally aggressive with boys...

***SimplyAmorous ****
You need to visit the Family Life Today site, read more about the young aggressive women and talk with your sons about this....
They may not be able to resist...
Not sure if I could've @12-16.....
Remember my sons are the Christians, not me. One thing they all seemed to get from me is this.. they are stubborn... but I think this is good, they will argue with me & tell me how it is.

No woman is going to take them down...not if they don't want to be. Our 1st 2 is very much like their dad... Love is so very very important, my sons are very mature, not the typical wreckless behavior male.

My 15 yr old thinks he found the love of his life already. I must admit , they are quite amazing together, even got the same Love languages in the same order....they talk about it all... both Hopeless Romantics. His head does not turn on another girl.

I am very pleased with their values accually. To think my sons are more exemplary than myself in thier youth (at least my oldest is).... isn't that a little twisted !
 

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Re: young girls increasingly becoming seuxally aggressive with boys...

Remember my sons are the Christians, not me. One thing they all seemed to get from me is this.. they are stubborn... but I think this is good, they will argue with me & tell me how it is.

No woman is going to take them down...not if they don't want to be. Our 1st 2 is very much like their dad... Love is so very very important, my sons are very mature, not the typical wreckless behavior male.
Good.
Yeah, remember you posting that.

However, even Christian men can be tempted.
A girl laying next to a boy on a couch or in the back seat of a car, her being aggressive with her hands, etc., that could change things and many a guy may not resist.

Look what happened to Samson with Delilah... She teased or tormented him so much.... even a strong man like that wasn't strong enough to resist a woman's charms....
David and Bathsheba... Solomon with all those women who tempted him...
Marc Anthony and Cleopatra as well...

I am very pleased with their values accually. To think my sons are more exemplary than myself in thier youth (at least my oldest is).... isn't that a little twisted !
Yeah... but you were a virgin bride and handled yourself sexually responsible, as you posted, so don't think down of yourself....
 

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Discussion Starter · #37 ·
Re: young girls increasingly becoming seuxally aggressive with boys...

However, even Christian men can be tempted.
A girl laying next to a boy on a couch or in the back seat of a car, her being aggressive with her hands, etc., that could change things and many a guy may not resist.
Yes, I am so aware......and that is why I tell them.....if you find yourself in that lustful pickle of a moment...there are other options...to relieve....it doesn't have to BE .... whip it out & stick it in. That likely would not go so smoothly anyway!

Something I have noticed...living out of own experiences I am sure.....is ....the parents who DID slip up in thier youth & engaged in premarital sex has more restraints on their kids - My Pastor went overboard in my opinion. My one GF had 2 kids out of wedlock, she doesn't trust her daughter at all....it really annoys her daughter to no end , telling me she can't even talk to her Mom, but she talks to me.

Since me & mine didn't go past our agreed upon boundaries, it is surely possible that I am a bit "overly" trusting that ...."hey, they are our kids, they likely won't either".

All we can do is give them a healthy teaching, warn them, if they show trustworthy behavior to me, I am going to trust them... We are very open communicatively about these things.... we can't put them on a leash...or watch their every moment alone.

I am not really worried about my boys, even the girls Dad loves my son, the other day... I was picking him up, her dad was right there...he asked him if he could kiss her goodbye -he answered ..."go ahead". I just thought "oh my" But really, he is a fine young man, very respectable, I can't see him doing anything that would hurt her or his reputatioin with her family. But yeah, they are only 15 !


Yeah... but you were a virgin bride and handled yourself sexually responsible, as you posted, so don't think down of yourself....
 

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Bristol Palin was given abstinence based sex education. She was told to wait until she married for sex. Look at how that turned out.

I knew more than one young woman whose parents preached abstinence until marriage. One was pregnant at 16 and the other one never waited. Neither of them felt comfortable discussing sex with their parents for fear of being harshly judged.

My parents couldn't tell me not to have sex before marriage because they shacked up. My father tried to give me a hard time when I moved in with my husband before marriage, but I just laughed at him since he did the same with my mom.

PHTlump, if your daughter had sex before marriage, would you want to know? Do you think she would tell you?
 

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This is one of the best post I've read. I wish my parents had put thought into this the way you have Simply and had given me more information about relationships and life. To be quite honest this makes me question if I have done enough along these same lines with my own kids and has sparked me to think about it. I have three boys ages 23, 22, and 20.

To me you have spent time discovering what you believe to be truths in life (I really agree with your conclusions) and your passing that knowledge to your children. It's a blessing to them.

One thing that moves me so much about your post is that I am so much on the same wavelength regarding right and wrong so maybe that weighs in some too. I guess what I'm saying is content is also important. Not just intention. I think it's very valuable to your children that you are passing along your wisdom, acceptance, expectations, etc.

Your children will surely make mistakes but good grief they should be less with this kind of family dynamic.

I saw a study that blew my mind years back because something as simple as the family setting down together at the dinner table every night made such a huge difference. It's just that family time where intimate connections are maintained that's so important. A lot of kids go out looking for it not really knowing why.

I would comment on specific points but wow that was a long post. Thank you for letting me see it Simply.
 

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This was a great post. I have a little daughter and this mirrors what i think about it with one small excpetion that has to do with proportions on this point 9. Because i'm a man who talks to his male friends and knows what's what i would make the following changes if i may:





9. Although some men will not care how many partners a girl had in her youth -they may even be ecstatic she is experienced & could show him a thing or 2! There are MANY men out there who will care, it has Great meaning to them -and it is not as much about "insecurities"...as much as it is about "the sacredness" they attach to "love making" -they feel this is the Greatest gift one can give their future bride/husbands, worthy of the waiting- hard as it may be to contain. My oldest son feels this way-strongly , I will not belittle that ..but being such a pure Virgin, I feel has it's RISKS also ...which brings me to ...
I'm pretty sure the majority of men care a whole lot about their partner's past attitude towards sex. Don't mistake what men say when in the presence of women (the politically correct version) with what they actually think about this. Ask any large group of men about what the profile of a long term relationship partner they would like and i'll assure you that the majority will not put "a large number of sexual experiences" as a requisite.
 
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