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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)


My daughter is very very very precious to me. After seeing 4 little penis's in a row when giving birth, I can not even express.. finally.... hearing ...
!! :yay::yay:


I count WHO my daughter marries oneday to be the single most important decision she will ever make in her entire life.....and how she handles her sexuality before she meets this man can not be under-estimated -in my opionion. It has the power & potential to destroy her dreams, or allow them to take flight to full fruition, with no regrets.




1. 1st, SEX will never be a dirty word in our household. I want my daughter to see playful displays of affection between me & her father, we do not hide kisses, hugs, even a little flirting, I want her to see a healthy happiness there. I also instill within her, even now - she can come to me with anything & everything, nothing will shock me, I understand human nature well, nor will I shame her for any subject. We are very open communicators in our family - It is a good foundation to be laid.

But 1st -what do I mean by SEX....I agree with this definition...."Having sex" means any consensual behavior between two individuals involving genital contact & bodily penetration. That means oral sex, anal sex, and vaginal sex are all "sex' " .... can read more here ..... The Definition of 'Sex'

2. I will teach my daughter .....Sex is beautiful thing ...but it has it's place, there is a time & a season for such beauty... it is meant to be shared between 2 people who LOVE each other. There is no greater pleasure God has given us on this earth, no emotional BONDING that has more meaning -as the giving & receiving in this way, that this act has the awesome potential to Create NEW LIFE..... that it should never be used casually, or carelessly, because of this very fact, It carries the greatest of responsibilities with it. It is the awesomest of the AWESOME. I will refer to it as "sacred" even.


3. I will teach my daughter not everyone looks at Sex as this Special. What she sees in the media, magazines, tv, music, hears in school, even sees friends experience - too often results in broken relationships where sex was ingaged in TOO QUICKLY, the "bad boys" being praised for their conquests, Girls giving themselves to these gamers in hopes "for love", women dressing to entice the hot guys -and for what ? Hearts ripped in 2, tears, loss of self esteem sometimes, pregnancy faced alone, Grandparents raising grandchildren, children growing up without fathers, a night of physical passion without connection? Rubbers can be worn but the brokenness that follows SCARS our entire society.

I will ask her how she feels about these things. I will ask her what SHE wants for her own life. I will tell her she has POWER, she has CHOICES....and to never be led by "the crowd". She is her own woman.

Also she MUST take responsibility for those choices. Personal Responsibility is HUGE in our family -I will not allow my TEENS to see themselves as "victims" - if they had a voice & a choice in the matter.

Sure we all make mistakes, we forge ahead living in the moment, none of us are perfect, but to KNOW the "games" others play, know the "RISKS" of each action before indulging & OWN your own "hand" in it- this is a must.


4. I will explain to my daughter, she WILL Have sexual urges, this is natural .... and to understand BOYS have those same urges -but raging 10 times MORE than she is feeling them- if that can even be imagined ! They are near blinded with LUST ...and this overflows out of thier mouths with flirtatious fury around the girls. To not be fooled, this has nothing ever to do with LOVE..... she needs to understand this completely, their minds have been near hi-jacked by Overloads of Testosterone. Some are scrambling to understand it themselves, their IS an immaturity there. Boys will also be compelled to look upon porn & oogle women, I don't care how "good" or "moral" they are, they will WANT to do this. My daughter will have a FINE education on the male sex drive.

A few comments from men themselves on the http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/34971-male-sex-drive.html thread about their youth, I appreciate their honesty! ....
I would have done/said anything that would get me intyo bed with them, getting them to flash me, etc etc....
Puberty, hormones raging. I dont think I once thought about love during that time. Purely a want to put it in something. As I grow older the drive has remained as powerful as ever, but its fueled by more than just hormones.

5. I will explain to my daughter ...if a Boy truly has HER interests at heart (some are struggling with LUST & pangs of LOVE, their very own hearts).... if influenced by Genuine feelings of care & interest in MORE than some booty.... these boys will stick around, they will continue to woo her, "wait" for HER- every part of her, they will listen to her, they will take "the time" - (of course they will be fantasizing like mad in addition) but still they will try to BE that gentleman for their "lady".....take her out , make plans to enjoy things together, talks walks & talk, call her just to hear her voice, learn of her as a person, ask what she enjoys & make that happen. :)

These boys may itch to get in her pants, but she should never JUMP... if she is interested in them, TEST them with the ruler of TIME, allow them to openly reveal their "heart" in regards to her. This is wisdom.



I am of the belief.... Although ALL men LOVE & crave sex, they will "wait" & pursue the one girl that captures their heart & soul. Once they are "caught", they are ensnared. Love is the most amazing thing on this earth. The greatest love songs ever penned were written by MEN in love.



6. When she starts dating herself -being alone with a boy turning into a man, I will likely share how me & her father handled ourselves before we married. Where our boundaries were....was MORE than the Church would consider "moral" but it was LESS than what the majority, even within the church pew did themselves! So let the judgers judge. But for us... it kept us from burning with LUST, an "emotional connection" grew & we still had something "NEW" to bring to our Wedding night, what we deemed the most sacred to give to each other .

My daughter will have to decide for herself what her "personal boundaries" will be in this area.

Some women can enjoy Sex without an emotional connection... I personally can not understand this at all, I am greedy!! I would want BOTH, LUST is passionate & all Consuming -YES ! ....but I would want MORE from that man, I would tie myself to him, want to posses him , It would utterly DEVESTATE me if he did not feel the same as I, was cold the next day or ....gone.

I will talk openly to my daughter about this side of sex also, and ask how she would feel about such things. Explaining MANY men can separate this, one night stands are common. But I will always believe, overwhelmingly more women get HURT by these, loosing a part of themselves along the way.


7. I will speak openly about STD's/ veneral diseases with my daughter.....she MUST not be ignorant of the physical ramifications that can come upon her body, some for life. Many do not even know they have it -when it is transmitted. Untreated, some can lead to pelvic inflammatory disease- which causes Infertility- which can risk her future chances of being a mother. STD's That Cause Infertility

A list here:
Sexually Transmitted Diseases: Rhode Island Department of Health

8. I will teach my daughter there is a heavy EMOTIONAL side to sex.... Sex releases certain chemicals in our brains that change the way we think ...the hormones released work to bond us to our partner, it's like gluing two pieces of paper together. If you tried to tear those pages apart, the break wouldn't be a clean one. The same kind of thing happens when there's a breakup in a sexual relationship. These break ups can be as painful as mini-divorces. If this happens over & over & over, it has a way of de-personalizing our emotions.

Also, these sexual memories of our 1st, 2nd, 3rd boyfriends may linger in our psyche, show up in the bedroom later with our very husbands, comparisons creep in. We may wish he was as BIG as #1, or his oral skills was as arousing as #2. It is just something to consider. Of coarse men can do this also, comparing old girlfriends to thier wives. Then we have the whole Facebook debacle with old lovers befriending each other & the nightmare that brings.


9. Although many men will not care how many partners a girl had in her youth -they may even be ecstatic she is experienced & could show him a thing or 2! There are SOME men out there who will care, it has Great meaning to them -and it is not as much about "insecurities"...as much as it is about "the sacredness" they attach to "love making" -they feel this is the Greatest gift one can give their future bride/husbands, worthy of the waiting- hard as it may be to contain. My oldest son feels this way-strongly , I will not belittle that ..but being such a pure Virgin, I feel has it's RISKS also ...which brings me to ...


10. Sexual Repression is far too common - 1 hinderance I do not wish upon any of my children, although I want them to wait -make sure they are loved & cherished BEFORE they "give" their full selves to another.

I will teach my daughter ... If she is going to be in a relationship with a man, she needs to understand him, and have compassion on what HE is going through physically, if he is willing to wait for her - IF that is even her desire. And a man NEEDS to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that even though she may not be READY to engage in genital to genital contact with him, that she craves physical intimacy with him, , that she is deeply sexually attracted to him. I would hope their openness would blossom to Orgasm talk & how they feel about them, as I feel a man should KNOW these things about any woman he marries. This gives him some indication of her sex drive, as this could vary greatly from woman to woman.

This will be very unpopular advice for strict religious believers, but I feel it is terribly RISKY for a high drive man to marry a pure untouched virgin, he really has NO IDEA if she will even ENJOY sex - which "could" put him in a near prison once married, if she finds out she doesn't care for it after the vows. LOVE is NOT ENOUGH to keep that flame alive, Healthy sex is vital to all marriages. I've read too many personal stories, very heart breaking.

I knew of one couple who didn't even KISS until their wedding day. Do I think they are crazy...yeah pretty much... but I guess it worked out for THEM, he was not resentful, they waited, they have no regrets..to each our own in our ...personal boundaries. So long as both is on the same page, you may have found your "match" made in Heaven.

I don't feel she needs to be so pure as to either of them burning with lust, while near crying to touch each other. I think we need to ENJOY each others body to some degree, even give each other pleasure. I think the problem most would have is..they wouldn't be able to stop- once they got going. I guess me & my husband are not the norm, we never went over our boundaries in this regard- though I sure remember wanting too! .


"A REAL man, the kind of man a woman wants to give her life to, is one who will respect her dignity, who will honor her like the valuable treasure she is. A REAL man will not attempt to rip her precious pearl from it's protective shell, or persuade her with charm to give away her treasure prematurely, but he will wait patiently until she willingly gives him the prize of her heart. A REAL man will cherish and care for that prize forever.”

Leslie Ludy
 

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:) That's how I teach sex to my daughter. It's not just one talk, it's an ongoing conversation.

I am prepared for many things with my child. Maybe she won't marry. Maybe she won't want kids. Maybe she's a lesbian. Who knows? I don't care. She'll still be having sex and so we converse regularly about different things. Sometimes she initiates the conversation, sometimes I do. I'm always honest though...my mom was never honest with me. I still don't know how old she was when she first had sex. o_O
 

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Discussion Starter #3
:) That's how I teach sex to my daughter. It's not just one talk, it's an ongoing conversation.

I am prepared for many things with my child. Maybe she won't marry. Maybe she won't want kids. Maybe she's a lesbian. Who knows? I don't care. She'll still be having sex and so we converse regularly about different things. Sometimes she initiates the conversation, sometimes I do. I'm always honest though...my mom was never honest with me. I still don't know how old she was when she first had sex. o_O
Thank you for your thoughts. I LOVE talking to my kids, I seem to enjoy the TEEN years even more though, my daughter is not even 10 yet, so all of these FUN and more indepth discussions will not be happening any time soon, boys to her are "eeewwwwwww" right now. A little neighbor boy is in love with her & in the car one day the brothers were razzing her about it, I threw in a little joke & she whirled something at my head & got REALLY mad, so boys are scum right now, her brothers included.

But I assume someday, this will all take a sudden turn towards "awe" for the male species. But you are right, we never know, my only daughter could go the way of a Chastity Bono . What can you do, but love 'em anyway.

I was always very open with my Mother -she was always so EASY to talk too. I always asked her ALOT of questions, even in my teens. I am still learning now in the last few years -things about her private life. She never hesitated to share any of the things she did, even things that caused her MUCH heartache. I am thankful for the whole sorted story. It helped me make better decisions for my own life.
 

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SA~

What a great post!

I've only got sons, but I hope that they can find girls who have been so openly taught this. We are trying to teach our sons to be respectful and to have some measure of self-discipline. So far, so good. :)

We don't spend nearly enough time trying to teach kids about how to actually live in a relationship like marriage. Instead we try and contain them prior to marriage and then just seem to expect them to somehow 'get it' afterwards on their own. Take that and mix it in with the 'me, me, me' aspect of our culture and you get a volatile mixture that leads to heartache for so many.

I guess it starts by each one of us as parents, not just talking about it, but LIVING it.
 

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I was going to mention what that_girl already did: I'm not a parent but if I were, I'd be sure to include the message that it may not be a man with whom she falls in love, she could fall in love with a woman / or my son could fall in love with a man. It seems to be a rather glaring omission in an otherwise great list!
 

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That's wonderful SimplyAmorous! If more parents would teach their children healthy sex education, we wouldn't have as many hang ups about it as we do today. My own children are in their 20s and I'm thrilled with how responsible and level headed they are about all of that. It's amazing though how much you teach your children, they still get so many mixed messages. It truly is an ongoing open conversation that you will have more many years. From the sounds of it, you are going to do an excellent job!
 

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The thing is, many people just think of their children as "their children" forever. I do not. I think of them as little humans in which I'm supposed to raise into women. Their OWN women. Yes, they are my children, but they are simply women in training.
 
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Thanks for posting this SA - great food for thought

I would welcome ideas on how to alert a daughter to infidelity since it is all too rife. In particular men who will select a girl and sex wise, wait for her for a long time, treating her right - but all that time, unbeknown to the girl, he is sleeping with other women. I,m saying she is the one he wants and loves, and he IS willing to wait to have sex with her , marry her and everything. How do we strike a balance between our children being too naive or too trusting and being overly suspicious and paranoid?
 

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Great thread! This is exactly the advice that I gave my daughter, but she did not believe me about the male sex drive. Now that she is 29, she understands, but as a teenager, she could not comprehend what I was talking about.

She also said she felt pressured by our hyper-sexualized society to dress provocatively to attract a man. It is hard to counteract the messages that the advertising industry projects as what is normal and desirable in relationships. I love the idea that sex is sacred, and that the emotional bonding aspect is very powerful, not to be taken lightly.
 

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Amorous,
From a man’s view, that was beautiful.

I don’t however believe that you should stop with your daughter; I believe you should express a good share of this with your boys as well.

Then when you’re done with that, you should express the same to a good share of dysfunctional marriages right here on TAM.

If more people in marriage (men) understood the basic dynamics of sex and love, their marriage may not get so far out of whack.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
I don’t however believe that you should stop with your daughter; I believe you should express a good share of this with your boys as well.
Oh RDJ, come on now....do you really think I am not talking to my Boys?!! Those are my teenagers that I have so much FUN with!! Oh yeah, we have had some interesting conversations! Many times in the car, late at night over tea, caught in a hallway, around a bonfire, could be anywhere -they just come -unexpected.

The openness I have with my oldest is very precious to me. He is talking Psyche at College, his heart is for the YOUTH, he will say -so many from broken homes-kids hurting , but he sees So much potential there, it excites him & he wants to catch them NOW -BEFORE they mess up their lives.

My next son (9th gr) is getting more like him every day, we were riding bikes this summer side by side, he says to me.... "Ya know, you aren't so bad to talk too".... he was sharing about different girls, their texts to him, things they have talked about, raging puberty, his honesty to them, how they react. ( This was a funny conversation as these girls were all telling him he is NICER than the other boys, all those boys are bad, think dirty things, and him being Mr Honesty had to inform them he is not all that much better ! ... I just :rofl: -that he has his struggles too , one of the girls got mad at him, she was a little disappointed, his allowed his halo to be lowered before her, but she did get over it & kept talking to him)- I guess that was his way of giving that girl a little education, that yeah, BOYS will still be boys -in their minds anyway!

The dymanics of teens, always entertaining. He is very forthcoming about his "silver purity ring", what it means to him, it split & he wants a new one with special words on it , a christmas present I need to shop for. He tells me the crazy things that happen in school, how kids talk, the teachers he loves, what they say, things that bother him, he even asks me questions. I don't think this is the norm between teenage sons & their mothers .... It made me feel VERY GOOD that he said that to me -that sweet summer day on that bike trail. :)

Boys are best to get talking when you are "doing" something with them, engaged in an activity/sport. The son after him is more too himself, more introverted, but he knows he can come to me & his dad with anything also, he gets the benefits of hearing many of our open conversations with our oldest, we both enjoy the debate, they have sat around -being near amused by it all. Interjecting their thoughts in support of big brother or Mom.

I heartily enjoy giving them food for thought- all sides of an issue, even their dad jumps in- usually with some perfectly timed crack that has them near falling on the floor -but ultimately they make thier own descions. So far so good.

Dad is also good for letting them know ......if you choose this...... THIS MAY COME UPON YOU..... then he will go on to explan in ever colorful thought provoking detail of your slow but sure demise in misery... may end up living under a bridge somewhere eating out of the garbage, to the utter destruction of your body possibly being scraped off the pavement, or if you skull is still intact, a worm may crawl out of it. He gets a little carried away but it can be amusing, he gets his point across.

We seriously have a great time. I am accually not all that involved with my kids, it is not a Doting type of thing at all, or in all thier business... more of a "we just enjoy talking to each other at random times, we may all crash in the same area and just find ourselves in some HEAVY discussion- challenging each other ", then we get up & go about our day. Love those times, other than that, we near ignore each other, they do their thing, we do ours. They are so busy with their friends and activities.

I know when they leave the nest, I have no control over their lives, I am so very aware, now is the time to influence, shape, mold and US -be that example.

I often think I don't spend enough time with them- hence my recent "Cats in the Cradle" thread. Time goes much too fast.

But the knowing, they still enjoy talking to me, openly sharing parts of their life with me ... my sons........yeah ...priceless. :)
 

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That awesome SA,

My wife and i were raised in the exact opposite (like many my age),

We worked hard at sharing, being open, honest, and always allowing our kid's to come to us without fears.

I was well worth the effort, my kids, now in thier 30's with family of thier own, have great attitudes. They are open to thier own children and even though they went through a phase where they lost a little of the closeness with us, it did not last long, they are both a huge part of our lives. The family is very close, we do a lot of things togather. Bi-weekly get togathers, weekends in vegas, and bi-yearly vacations. It's awesome, I would be bummed if it were any other way.
 

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Discussion Starter #13 (Edited)
I love the idea that sex is sacred, and that the emotional bonding aspect is very powerful, not to be taken lightly.
I just started this book I had on my shelf for almost a year now called "Sacred Pleasure"........ Amazon.com: Sacred Pleasure: Sex, Myth, and the Politics of the Body--New Paths to Power and Love (9780062502834): Riane Eisler: Books

- it is accually very deep & hard to follow, SO MUCH detail, but it was talking about the ancient civilizations, how they treated Sex as "SACRED". It is someting we have gotten so far away from- for a # of reasons.

It said this in the book >>>> One of the most beautiful examples of this artistic tradition depicting "sex as sacred" comes to us from Mesopotamia. It is a terra cotta plaque sometimes identified as "Lovers Embracing on Bed," probably the Goddess Inanna and the God Dumuzi about to consummate their sacred union. It was fashioned about 4000 years ago.



The notion that civilization is inspired by the love between a Goddess and a human male is common to many ancient cultures. The Erotic theme is lavishly developed in the Sumerian love poetry that celebrates the theogamy (divine-human mating) of the Goddess Inanna and the shepherd Dumuzi. According to Thompson, civilization begins by making love, not war. (Lovers embracing, clay plaque, Mesopotamia, 2000 BCE)



I like this ...:smthumbup:....Love Without Limits - Articles - Why is Sex Sacred? - by Dr. Deborah Anapol

In the pre-Christian view, sex is sacred simply because it’s part of life. In the Christian view sex must be shown to be deserving of reverence. No problem! Here’s why it’s worthy!

1.First, Sacred Sexuality, implies an awareness that sex is the inception of life, of all that is. Without the sexual act, none of us would exist — at least not as incarnate bodies. Sacred Sexuality acknowledges that our life force and our sexual energy originate from the same source. It’s an expression of awe and wonder that transcends any particular culture.

2. Sex is sacred because of its role in bonding. Mutually satisfying sexual exchanges naturally intensify bonding, but sex can take place without bonding if we’re careful to keep our hearts closed. Sex opens the heart only if we bring the energy up. The Tantric attitudes of slowing down, awakening all of the senses, tuning in to subtle energy, letting go of judgment and blame, expressing gratitude for the gift of life, and savoring the present moment are wonderfully supportive tools for intimate relating.

To bond with someone is to form an enduring connection -- to feel a strong sense of mutual caring, intimacy, and appreciation. Bonding satisfies our need to belong and can occur in the absence of sex whenever a powerful shared experience creates a feeling of kinship. Not only is bonding critical to survival for many species, it supports health and happiness. People live longer and have fewer problems when they have a family-social-community context. Sex helps bring people together and keep them together. What else could motivate us to overcome the difficulties we encounter in intimate relating? Love making is more fun and more readily available than natural disasters, war, and other life threatening situations.

Erotic energy works its magic far beyond the plant and animal level as well. Look at gravity! Gravity is the name we give to the force of mutual attraction that holds the cosmos together, but spiritual teachers throughout the ages have pointed out that magnetic pull is just another name for erotic love.


3. Sex is sacred because of its role in accessing peak experiences of love, oneness, and healing. Humans have an innate need for peak experiences of bliss, merging, and ecstasy. We have a deep longing for the (re) union of sex and spirit, for union with the Divine. When we access expanded states of consciousness through sex we validate our intuitive sense that sex can be worship and that worship can be erotic. Tantra and other paths of Erotic Spirituality teach us to embrace and honor the body as a temple of Spirit, rather than trying to deny our natural sexual impulses.

So when we bless, purify, or honor the body as part of a sexual encounter, when we bond more deeply as a result of lovemaking, or when sexual union catapults us into higher consciousness, we make sex sacred.
 

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Love your thread SA...
I printed your post. I want my wife to read this. We have a little one. After all, I did wait for her until she was ready.
 

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Love your thread SA...
I printed your post. I want my wife to read this. We have a little one. After all, I did wait for her until she was ready.
You are a RARE Gem of a man, as is my dear husband.

I took the time to read some of your posts, I can see you are "in that prison" I mentioned in #10 ... and have been for a long long time - a wife you "waited" for...who was NEVER into sex.

These stories have brought tears to my eyes.:( I've read too many. I feel bad for many men. YOU deserve so much more.

We all worry ......who is our daughter going to marry, will HE be "good enough" -get the shot gun out, check him up & down .......

I often find myself thinking.....who will my honorable son marry..... "WILL SHE LOVE SEX ENOUGH?" ....What he views as Virtuous could be the near death of him - if she is Repressed and very low drive..... with that combination, you might as well put a stake through your heart -as a husband.
 

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the "bad boys" being praised for their conquests, Girls giving themselves to these gamers in hopes "for love", women dressing to entice the hot guys -and for what ? Hearts ripped in 2, tears, loss of self esteem sometimes, pregnancy faced alone, Grandparents raising grandchildren, children growing up without fathers, a night of physical passion without connection? Rubbers can be worn but the brokenness that follows SCARS our entire society.
Well, you can also teach her how to tame and collar a player/bad boy, like what wifey did - to my grudging annoyance sometimes. You are correct however in your points, looks like your daughter is in good hands :)

I really despise the modern media really, women are not taught correctly, no strength, no game, no backbone, follow the crowd, believing that love comes through sex. It's up to us to guide our daughters through all the BS.
 

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I would welcome ideas on how to alert a daughter to infidelity since it is all too rife. In particular men who will select a girl and sex wise, wait for her for a long time, treating her right - but all that time, unbeknown to the girl, he is sleeping with other women. I,m saying she is the one he wants and loves, and he IS willing to wait to have sex with her , marry her and everything. How do we strike a balance between our children being too naive or too trusting and being overly suspicious and paranoid?
That is an interesting question, and I am sure this happens too! If a man was doing this, if he has any Conscience at all, I would think the GUILT would start eating at him after a time. In my opionion, if he didn't have that conscience, the truth may manifest in other ways- such as ....HE would be lacking in his "vulnerability" with his girlfriend, there would be some blockage to his personality, something would be amiss, a privacy she could not penetrate.

What makes our children too trusting of others? The first thing that comes to mind is .... sheilding them, trying to protect their innocence TOO MUCH -from what lurks outside our safe protective doors. It doesn't mean they have to EXPERIENCE the trauma ......but BE educated, aware that not everything IS as it appears, not everyone IS as they appear either, the big bad wolf sometimes comes in sheeps clothing... as a Gentleman, harboring a well hidden dark side.

I am not the type of parent to SHEILD my kids from very much -to spare them, because I DO NOT want them to be too trusting, or ignorant of human nature, even in it's darkest forms. I want them to be fully aware of the temptations we ALL face, to know these things can befall others, even ourselves , to LEARN / discern what to look for in other people, in their friends, in their potential lovers....

They have the security to learn all of this from within our very homes, I would think it even a great dis-service to not talk openly about such things.....and of coarse that FEROCIOUS male sex drive, heavens, we can't leave that out!

If a girl is withholding herself, if she is smart & intuned to his sexual LOVE and LUST, she is going to be talking to him about how he is handling this part of himself while "waiting" for her, read some of his body language, does it add up? But then again, he might mention porn, she'll throw her hands up, call him a pervert, break off the engagement. Yeah, a double edged sword there. Communication breakdown 101.

I would have my daughter look very carefully to a # of things ...... his reputation , what do others say about him?? his history with girls, what is he into, what fullfills his time, his work ethic, the type of friends he hangs with, this ALL speaks to his "character". It simply has too.

Appearing to be the Perfect --but wayward boyfriend with a double life.... surely something gives in such a relationship, some clues. I know with me & my bf, when dating we was seriously together so terribly much, he would not have even had time for another. But that is not always the case of coarse..... I still think it comes down to that intimacy, a free flowing openness, with nothing held back- emotionally, that vulnerability 2 people in love share, feeling their whole heart.

If a man is TRULY waiting for a woman he loves, if he can't show that, something is wrong -because a man with such a character as that -should be able, he is a DEEP loving man. He is not shallow, nor cold. My personal opinion on this anyway!

I think so long as a young girl / woman is rational with no mental issues going on, she won't be overly suspicious & paranoid --unless she has already been hurt & lied too by another man she was deeply in love with who scarred her heart & she is struggling to wipe that slate clean with the new man before her.
 

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My wife wasn't saving herself for marriage. I kinda thought that she was. She just has no real interest and has no desire to improve her skills.
 

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Thanks for posting this SA - great food for thought

I would welcome ideas on how to alert a daughter to infidelity since it is all too rife. In particular men who will select a girl and sex wise, wait for her for a long time, treating her right - but all that time, unbeknown to the girl, he is sleeping with other women. I,m saying she is the one he wants and loves, and he IS willing to wait to have sex with her , marry her and everything. How do we strike a balance between our children being too naive or too trusting and being overly suspicious and paranoid?
When my wife and I were just dating and not even living together, a neighbor lady almost raped me, for a lack of a better term. I went there to fix her plumbing. It wasn't her sink that was clogged. She was beautiful and about ten years older than me. She would have taught me a lot . I was 25 then. I left her place without having sex.
 

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Thanks for your thoughtful response SA. I think what you say about too much shielding is right on the button, also what you have said about character and communication is key.

I do try to talk to my D about sex and relationships but she gets super embarrased and NEVER participates in the "discussion" which feels very awkward and then I get embarrassed because I'm making her embarrassed! I know i should press on regardless as she will be taking stuff in even if she doesen't respond but I do find this difficult. Also I am realising that things need to be said more than once, but again it's tricky to revisit past topics when she is so reluctant to participate in the "discussion". i have to avoid a tendency to think right, I've told her about X so that's done.

My own mother didn't really talk to me about sex apart from saying to make sure I didn't end up pregnant - fullstop (both my older sisters had unplanned pregnancies in their teens!). Thankfully I didn't but unfortunately I have had issues with men presenting one way whilst keeping their real self totally hidden. I have been too trusting yet I thought I was savvy which is why I don't feel confident in getting the balance (too naive v. too suspicious) right with her.
 
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