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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
A few family members (boys) are planning to get married in the next couple years. One question I am frequently asked is how do I keep what I earn separate from spouse. Initially my reaction was to advise not marrying, but I researched more about prenups/post nups and community property and there is a lot men can do if they want this type of arrangement
1) Reside in a non-community property state (if in the US)
2) Always marry a woman who has a job that can feed her
3) Sign a well vetted prenup with presence of attorney
4) Do not buy a house, it is considered community property in most states, always rent and always pay portion of rent
5) Always use separate bank/financial institutions to deposit any and every form of earning, ask wife to sign assignment of interest form from financial institution
6) File taxes as married filing separately (is this needed? Yes)
7) Regularly sign postnups after marriage (redundant step)
8) Banks/financial institutions in your name should only have month or two of expenses, any and every investment $ to be invested through a gift to your parents or a trust (if you have the $$$$)
9) Periodically sign inter-spousal transfer deeds with clear transmutation clause
10) Any remaining assets to be in non traceable form ex. gold, crypto, buried cash etc. (NOT NEEDED)

Any other tips from members here? Don't want the 'don't marry if you don't trust her'. Its impossible to fully vet someone prior to marriage leave alone predicting their behavior several years later
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
The boys in your family that want to get married are the ones asking you these questions? There’s a few books or podcasts they can watch that may give them pause. No one can ‘foolproof’ a marriage. Eventually, the judge has discretion.
That's the question, how much discretion do judges have? Will they really intervene in financial agreements between spouses, specially if wife is in a reasonable income job with some of her own assets? The topic is coming up in several family discussion, and no boys (who will in 20's soon) have no clue about any of this, so I am trying to advise
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Consult a family law attorney for the state they live in and then maybe move.

Otherwise, get government out of everyone's business when it comes to marriage.
I did talk, they can help with pre-nup or post-nup, they are generally reluctant to dispense advice which might impact their future business.
Getting government out of marriage? Not happening in our lifetime
 

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A few family members (boys) are planning to get married in the next couple years. One question I am frequently asked is how do I keep what I earn separate from spouse. Initially my reaction was to advise not marrying, but I researched more about prenups/post nups and community property and there is a lot men can do if they want this type of arrangement
1) Reside in a non-community property state (if in the US)
2) Always marry a woman who has a job that can feed her
3) Sign a well vetted prenup with presence of attorney
4) Do not buy a house, it is considered community property in most states, always rent and always pay portion of rent
5) Always use separate bank/financial institutions to deposit any and every form of earning, ask wife to sign assignment of interest form from financial institution
6) File taxes as married filing separately (is this needed?)
7) Regularly sign postnups after marriage
8) Banks/financial institutions in your name should only have month or two of expenses, any and every investment $ to be invested through a gift to your parents or a trust (if you have the $$$$)
9) Any remaining assets to be in non traceable form ex. gold, crypto, buried cash etc. (assuming its legal in your state to hide assets)

Any other tips from members here? Don't want the 'don't marry if you don't trust her'. Its impossible to fully vet someone prior to marriage leave alone predicting their behavior several years later
Really? BURIED CASH and hidden assets?

These people should just not get married.

Buried cash
 

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I applaud you for being proactive. I think the young ones get sucked into the "we are in love, it's all good" pressures. You are on the right track. I always kept finances separate. I super love how the government likes to play games with the "married but filing separate", but I think it is still wise and cleaner.

Best thing you can do is warn, and use personal examples. I'm sure you know plenty that are divorced and they ALL thought it would "work". Reality is lifelong marriage is like a pink unicorn.

People flip a switch in divorce. I personally feel having a SAHW is a recipe for a major financial hit in the divorce. I agree with work, and real work! I see a bunch of wives that earn minimum wage in a pud job, and drive a BMW. Yeah, she will be keeping it too!
 

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A few family members (boys) are planning to get married in the next couple years. One question I am frequently asked is how do I keep what I earn separate from spouse. Initially my reaction was to advise not marrying, but I researched more about prenups/post nups and community property and there is a lot men can do if they want this type of arrangement
1) Reside in a non-community property state (if in the US)
2) Always marry a woman who has a job that can feed her
3) Sign a well vetted prenup with presence of attorney
4) Do not buy a house, it is considered community property in most states, always rent and always pay portion of rent
5) Always use separate bank/financial institutions to deposit any and every form of earning, ask wife to sign assignment of interest form from financial institution
6) File taxes as married filing separately (is this needed?)
7) Regularly sign postnups after marriage
8) Banks/financial institutions in your name should only have month or two of expenses, any and every investment $ to be invested through a gift to your parents or a trust (if you have the $$$$)
9) Any remaining assets to be in non traceable form ex. gold, crypto, buried cash etc. (assuming its legal in your state to hide assets)

Any other tips from members here? Don't want the 'don't marry if you don't trust her'. Its impossible to fully vet someone prior to marriage leave alone predicting their behavior several years later
I highly doubt 20 year olds are coming to you and asking you these questions. It's more likely that you don't believe in marriage and want to "warn" them.

There is a difference between having a pre or postnup (which I have, so it's not like I'm against them) and burying money. Which btw, isn't allowed in a divorce. Not very wise advice, is it?
 

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I realize that the family courts are very, very unfair to men, but I gotta say, everything on your list would be a MAJOR red flag to NOT marry one of those men. I mean, I'm all for insurance and being protective. Pre-nup, post-nup, these are normal things, but that list is pretty over the top. I mean, do not buy a house? use separate banks? keep hidden cash?

If this is the opinion that these men have of women, then they should not marry. Yikes.
 

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I realize that the family courts are very, very unfair to men, but I gotta say, everything on your list would be a MAJOR red flag to NOT marry one of those men. I mean, I'm all for insurance and being protective. Pre-nup, post-nup, these are normal things, but that list is pretty over the top. I mean, do not buy a house? use separate banks? keep hidden cash?

If this is the opinion that these men have of women, then they should not marry. Yikes.
Yup.
 

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Don't buy a house, rent. Hah...that got to be the most stupid financial consideration I'd ever heard.
A house is on average an appreciating asset. When divorce comes that asset is split 50/50 if you buy with the standard both parties in the marriage on the mortgage and the deed.

If you rent for the rest of your life, you won't have a dime to show for at the end.
This OP reeks of "Red Pill".
 

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Unless a person is engaged and specifically asking questions such as you have described why are you even saying this stuff? You said they are still in their teens so doubtful it's going to come up in the near future.
If a person asked me about keeping finances separate after marriage it would show me they haven't a clue about what marriage means and are in no way ready to marry.
 

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I get what you are saying about wanting a wife that also earns money, but that doesn't make sense with not buying a house. You both would be co tributing to expenses. In the case of divorce, you both get a cut of the equity. If you rent, you get nothing.
 

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A few family members (boys) are planning to get married in the next couple years. One question I am frequently asked is how do I keep what I earn separate from spouse. Initially my reaction was to advise not marrying, but I researched more about prenups/post nups and community property and there is a lot men can do if they want this type of arrangement
1) Reside in a non-community property state (if in the US)
Non-community property states are equitable distribution states. In those states, the judge can choose what % each spouse gets. They will often give the lower earning spouse more than 50% because the idea is that the higher earning spouse can make up the difference more quickly. This is especially true is a woman is a stay-at-home-mom.

2) Always marry a woman who has a job that can feed her
This is helpful. But assets and debts are still split.

3) Sign a well vetted prenup with presence of attorney
Can work if written well and if the judge doesn't see a hole in it.

4) Do not buy a house, it is considered community property in most states, always rent and always pay portion of rent
Yea, paying rent which is usually higher than a mortgage payment makes a lot of sense... NOT! At least with a house, it can be sold and there is equity.

How about each, husband & wife, put down equal amount in down payment and then make payments out of community income.


5) Always use separate bank/financial institutions to deposit any and every form of earning, ask wife to sign assignment of interest form from financial institution

6) File taxes as married filing separately (is this needed?)
Filing taxes as married filing separate is a much higher rate than filing married (joint). It's a higher tax rate than filing as single. So, both spouses would pay higher tax rates.

So far you are suggesting not to buy a home which is not only the largest invest most people have and to pay a very high rate of income tax.

7) Regularly sign postnups after marriage
What's purpose of being married?

8) Banks/financial institutions in your name should only have month or two of expenses, any and every investment $ to be invested through a gift to your parents or a trust (if you have the $$$$)

9) Any remaining assets to be in non traceable form ex. gold, crypto, buried cash etc. (assuming its legal in your state to hide assets)

Any other tips from members here? Don't want the 'don't marry if you don't trust her'. Its impossible to fully vet someone prior to marriage leave alone predicting their behavior several years later
Yea, the tip is if someone is this paranoid, they should not get married.
 

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A few family members (boys) are planning to get married in the next couple years. One question I am frequently asked is how do I keep what I earn separate from spouse. Initially my reaction was to advise not marrying, but I researched more about prenups/post nups and community property and there is a lot men can do if they want this type of arrangement
1) Reside in a non-community property state (if in the US)
2) Always marry a woman who has a job that can feed her
3) Sign a well vetted prenup with presence of attorney
4) Do not buy a house, it is considered community property in most states, always rent and always pay portion of rent
5) Always use separate bank/financial institutions to deposit any and every form of earning, ask wife to sign assignment of interest form from financial institution
6) File taxes as married filing separately (is this needed?)
7) Regularly sign postnups after marriage
8) Banks/financial institutions in your name should only have month or two of expenses, any and every investment $ to be invested through a gift to your parents or a trust (if you have the $$$$)
9) Any remaining assets to be in non traceable form ex. gold, crypto, buried cash etc. (assuming its legal in your state to hide assets)

Any other tips from members here? Don't want the 'don't marry if you don't trust her'. Its impossible to fully vet someone prior to marriage leave alone predicting their behavior several years later
Go with your first instinct. Advise them to not get married. If they want good advise, tell them to wait until they're established in their purpose. Say 32, with their own home and retirement assets. By then, they will have the resources, experience, and maturity to not need advice. If at that time they want a family, they're in the best position to establish one.

As far as your list. Pre-nups are good. But the rest is a recipe for a very litigious and expensive divorce. Any hint of hidden assets, and a divorce lawyer worth his hourly will instantly bring in forensic accountants. Judges aren't too happy with hidden assets either.
 

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If you are going into a marriage with an adversarial attitude and not like it is a team sport, that is definitely going to increase the chances that a divorce is going to happen.

If you (they) are going to insist that she make her own money, they should be prepared to cook their own meals and wash their own laundry. If they have kids, then they need to be prepared to take the kids to (at least) half of all of the appointments and stay home (at least) half the time when the kids are sick.

Statistics say that most men don't pull their weight when it comes to home chores and childcare and expecting women to pull their weight outside of the house without pulling their own inside the house is hypocritical.
 

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A few family members (boys) are planning to get married in the next couple years. One question I am frequently asked is how do I keep what I earn separate from spouse. Initially my reaction was to advise not marrying, but I researched more about prenups/post nups and community property and there is a lot men can do if they want this type of arrangement
1) Reside in a non-community property state (if in the US)
2) Always marry a woman who has a job that can feed her
3) Sign a well vetted prenup with presence of attorney
4) Do not buy a house, it is considered community property in most states, always rent and always pay portion of rent
5) Always use separate bank/financial institutions to deposit any and every form of earning, ask wife to sign assignment of interest form from financial institution
6) File taxes as married filing separately (is this needed?)
7) Regularly sign postnups after marriage
8) Banks/financial institutions in your name should only have month or two of expenses, any and every investment $ to be invested through a gift to your parents or a trust (if you have the $$$$)
9) Any remaining assets to be in non traceable form ex. gold, crypto, buried cash etc. (assuming its legal in your state to hide assets)

Any other tips from members here? Don't want the 'don't marry if you don't trust her'. Its impossible to fully vet someone prior to marriage leave alone predicting their behavior several years later
if separating finances is that important to you, just don't get married, and draw up living wills/trusts to handle your financial future. Marriage, at it's core, is really only about the transfer of property rights. You can do that with a lawyer and set up associated medical rights as well.
 

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So these guys are still teens? Have they specifically asked how they can keep their finances separate or was that your own opinion?
Are they actually engaged?

If anyone in my family asked the things you have mentioned I would talk to them about what marriage actually is about and suggest that they wait several more years to grow up enough.

Hopefully any wise lady would not go near them if that is their attitudes and not just yours.
 

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A few family members (boys) are planning to get married in the next couple years. One question I am frequently asked is how do I keep what I earn separate from spouse. Initially my reaction was to advise not marrying, but I researched more about prenups/post nups and community property and there is a lot men can do if they want this type of arrangement
1) Reside in a non-community property state (if in the US)
2) Always marry a woman who has a job that can feed her
3) Sign a well vetted prenup with presence of attorney
4) Do not buy a house, it is considered community property in most states, always rent and always pay portion of rent
5) Always use separate bank/financial institutions to deposit any and every form of earning, ask wife to sign assignment of interest form from financial institution
6) File taxes as married filing separately (is this needed?)
7) Regularly sign postnups after marriage
8) Banks/financial institutions in your name should only have month or two of expenses, any and every investment $ to be invested through a gift to your parents or a trust (if you have the $$$$)
9) Any remaining assets to be in non traceable form ex. gold, crypto, buried cash etc. (assuming its legal in your state to hide assets)

Any other tips from members here? Don't want the 'don't marry if you don't trust her'. Its impossible to fully vet someone prior to marriage leave alone predicting their behavior several years later
I think you should avoid giving these boys advice. Many of the items on your list are just plain bad advice and all smack of a tone that says you don't care for marriage. Have you ever been married, and divorced? Was it an ugly divorce?

Anyone that thinks this list is a good idea is better off not getting married. The whole list says, "I know you are going to **** me over some day."
 
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