Hi all, Im new here and have no one else to talk to.
Im 33 and my husband is 34 we have been married for almost 12years together for 15 years. We have a daughter who is 5
My husband and I have been going throught a very difficult time. Our problems were initially financial which caused a lot of resentment and stress. I was never good at balancing the books and was always too soft at letting him have everything he wanted. So in short we spent a lot more than we had and racked up a lot of debt. My husband says i've lyed about our finances he has no respect for me and blames me for not having control of the finances although he aknowleges he spent most of the money he said if id kept him in the picture he wouldnt have so blames me for this too.
Thankfully with a bit of help and a lot of hard work were just about sorted financially.:smthumbup:
our issues dont end there, in the bedroom my husband thinks im dead from the neck down, despite me always having been adventurous and tried just about everything.(noting in fifty shades of grey shocked me)
I admit i am a very private person and find it hard to discus sex openly.
I dont have a massive sex drive but i do enjoy sex. I have never ever been unfaithful but my husband is so insanely jealous and insecure it drives me crackers. he never believes me and says things like im only having sex because its my duty to do it.
Recently hes encouraged me to mastrbate (when im alone) so i can get to know what i like down there. I was initially against this because i felt disloyal to him but i agreed. When i casually mentioned that I had, he wanted to know and started quizzing me for all the details, like how, when, where, who was i thinking of etc.
I wasnt really happy telling him and tried to make light of it and play it down, making out it was when he popped to the gym but when he realised it was actually very late one evening while he was sleeping hit the roof. Now in his eyes im a "disrespectful bare faced liar" who'd "rather frig myself than have sex with him"
to top this off he says he doesnt fancy me and thinks i should lose weight. I have gained about 8 - 10 pounds recently im 5ft 7and about 150lbs (I was 142lbs when I left school at 16 and on the day we got married at age 21), he keeps referring to when I was fit. Yes I do fluctuate 10 or so pounds (except during pregnancy) but ive never been skinny or massive but fairly stable and have clothes in my drawers from 10 years ago which fit.
There are many other things yaht he gets on at me about, he ofetn says things like theres no wonder I have no friends, i must be horrible and lie to them, if ever our daughter get out of line its all my fault for being too soft on her.
he naggs about the state of the house hes ver fussy !, (I work full time)
He says i nerver do anything to take care of myself, If i get a hair cut he takes the credit for him having pursuaded me.
He says he loves me and doesnt want to leave me but every time something like this blows up he spends 4 days in a sulk with me walking on egg shells and geting a cold shoulder and a load of abusive texts.
I really do love him and dont wan to give up on him but......i could just cry.... im so exasperated...will he ever trust me with money again, curb the jealousy and stop being so picky or is my life doomed for years more of the same emotional merry go round
thoughts are welcommed I thow there isnt an easy answer to this