[Thehusband2]

So was wondering what i guys think and what to do?

I recently started school in september. This school provides a scholarship allowing my wife to stay home with our two kids. But, it requires alot of work! Understandably its tough!!! Last week she said she needs more help, and i agreed to her idea that i make dinner once a week during weekday. Today i finished early, rushed home, quickly stopped for some food to cook. I told her dinner would be at 8, she agreed yesterday and today! I was excited all day for a mich needed family dinner!
I get home and shes cooking and said we couldnt wait...
I felt like i got my face slapped as i made a plan, for the family, was excited, communicated (even when i left school i texted and said im on my was- she replied ok!)
We got in a fight and family time turned into sh*t!!!
Im really disappointed! Should i be, or am i overreacting here!
What do you think!
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[KathyBatesel]

I think you could have felt dumped on and reacted the way you did.

I think you could have felt appreciated and loved instead and had a different reaction that would have produced a different evening.

 

[EleGirl]

How late did you get home? Do you all usually eat late, at 8PM?

Maybe you could look into a crock pot and make meals like that. Get everything ready the night before. Then put it in the pot in the morning. You get home to a hot, cooked meal. No fuss.

 

[Thehusband2]

How late did you get home? Do you all usually eat late, at 8PM?

Maybe you could look into a crock pot and make meals like that. Get everything ready the night before. Then put it in the pot in the morning. You get home to a hot, cooked meal. No fuss.

Thats a good suggestion! Thank you! I got home at 7 and we had pl ned to eat at 745
Yes! we usually eat at 8ish!
I was wondering what you guys think about what happened today?
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[EleGirl]

I think that she was not sure that you would get home in time to cook dinner.

Don't make a huge thing out of this. If it happened all the time then ok, you have an issue. But little things like this are normal in a relationsihp.

One thing I wondered about in your story is why did you have to go to the store to get something to cook? She found stuff in the house to cook. Did you check before you left home for the day?

Generally when I cook I plan the night before.. then in the morning I make sure things are out for thawing etc. We shop for the week parishables.. and have tons of food in the freezer and pantry. that way there are no quick runs to the store. When you are so busy those quick runs to the store can eat up a lot of time.

This is not worth messing up your home life over.. learn from it... plan ahead. Even leave her a note or tell her what you plan to cook.

And do the crock pot thing. I work a lot of long hours so I use the crock pot a few times a week. It's great.

 

[CanadianGuy]

I think they were hungry. You felt a bit slighted because of the trouble you had gone to to get dinner. Better communication from your wife would have helped. A quick text to say that she had started dinner and you were off the hook. How about cooking on weekends instead of during the week?

 

[Thehusband2]

Yea! You guys are probably right, i stopped by the store in fron of our house to pick up some steaks! It took me 15 mins to make! Youre right i felt slighted, because i actually rushed home as fast as i could!
But they were hungry and she did say she wasnt sure when exactly id be home ( i did tell her dinner would b ready at 8) but you are all right!

Takin on the role on weekend sounds like a better plan!
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[Toffer]

I think you over reacted a bit

Kids can't often wait until 8 to eat, especially young ones

However, you're wife should have called you to tell you what was up

 

[ScaredandUnsure]

I second the crockpot idea. It makes life so much easier on those busy-as-hell days.

 

[joe_schmoe]

I think you are right. If you step back and look at it at its face value, what she did was selfish and disrespectful. So the real question is how do you handle things when your wife does something like this. Basically it depends on your age and maturity level. You had every right to be angry. I would have been pissed if my wife did this to me. Did you overreact? I don't know. I think only you can answer that question. I would definitely have her face the reality of what she did.

Ask her why she changed dinner plans without communicating the change to you? Especially since you were the one cooking.

Ask her how she would feel if you did that to her.

Have her "own" her actions and face them honestly. If she is smart, she'll realize what she did and change it next time. If she is not smart enough to realize what she did was wrong, then arguing with an idiot will always produce the same results.

Try to be the better man and take the high road next time. I know it isn't easy, but if there are kids involved, just keep in mind the lesson they are learning from their father. Be the best father you can be regardless of what your wife throws at you. Challenge yourself to see how well you handle her selfishness and keep improving on how well you do. It will only help to build up your self esteem and set good examples for your kids.

Good luck.

 

[Mavash.]

I get home and shes cooking and said we couldnt wait...

My kids are getting ready for bed at 8pm. We couldn't wait either. I think your wife was crazy for agreeing to such a late dinner. Of course they couldn't wait. Geesh.

 

[TrustInUs]

Of course you have right to feel slighted, you were looking forward to making dinner for the family. But I don't think it was that big of a deal, of your normal dinner time is 8 then she was probably concerned about getting dinner on the table in time.

The crockpot is my bestfriend these days, and you can make a lot of different meals with them. Sometimes on Sunday's I'll prepare extra portions and freeze them for later in the week, so it cuts down on the time to prepare meals.

 

[Eilonwy]

I think it was a bit of an overreaction. Right now I cook at home b/c my husband has the full-time job. Even though you two had agreed on your cooking and helping out, new patterns take a while to get used to. Others have mentioned that she probably didn't know what you were planning either, or how long you might need to get dinner ready. Just a little more communication would have helped, I think. Next time you'll understand each other better.

 

[Thehusband2]

Thanks everyone for your input. We agreed that i will do things on weekend better!

For the record, the communication i feel was clear. We had planned that dinner would be ready at 8 and it would have been. I did communicated and confirmed that at 6 when i left school and she confirmed with an ok. so the only reason i was upset was that she decided 10 minutes before i came home to start making dinner. actually my dinner only took 15 minutes - steaks on a grill with side this upset me because i saved work for the next day, left early and rushed home!

I think it was a bit of an overreaction. Right now I cook at home b/c my husband has the full-time job. Even though you two had agreed on your cooking and helping out, new patterns take a while to get used to. Others have mentioned that she probably didn't know what you were planning either, or how long you might need to get dinner ready. Just a little more communication would have helped, I think. Next time you'll understand each other better.

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[Tall Average Guy]

I think that she was not sure that you would get home in time to cook dinner.

Don't make a huge thing out of this. If it happened all the time then ok, you have an issue. But little things like this are normal in a relationsihp.

One thing I wondered about in your story is why did you have to go to the store to get something to cook? She found stuff in the house to cook. Did you check before you left home for the day?

Generally when I cook I plan the night before.. then in the morning I make sure things are out for thawing etc. We shop for the week parishables.. and have tons of food in the freezer and pantry. that way there are no quick runs to the store. When you are so busy those quick runs to the store can eat up a lot of time.

This is not worth messing up your home life over.. learn from it... plan ahead. Even leave her a note or tell her what you plan to cook.

And do the crock pot thing. I work a lot of long hours so I use the crock pot a few times a week. It's great.

I think these are all great ideas.

Having said that, I still don't like that situation. Frankly, it comes across as her being controlling. He had a plan and was going to get the meal made. Is it wrong that he stopped off to pick some things up along the way? Is there a correct way to prepare meals? I don't think so, and I am leery to tell him that he needs to cook meals her way.

To the OP, are there trust issues where you aren't getting things done that you promise? Or is she controlling in that things need to be done her way.

I get your disappointment. Your wife communicates a need, you change to accomadate and meet it, and it turns out for nothing. It is reasonable to calmly address it and tell her you are upset. I don't think you need to ruin family time over it.