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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am new to this so I appreciate any feedback and advice you can give.

My husband and I moved from the mid-west down south for a very lucrative job opportunity about 3 years ago. He has hated it from day 1 but stuck it out. We decided it was a good move for a short period of time then would move back home (where my entire family is located). I never imagined moving away from home but adapted to the situation b/c my family would still be able to visit often - given we only live 8 hrs away.

In the meantime, I became a mother. Started a company with a business partner and would not be able to work remotely if we did move. We have invested in our community, neighbors and friends. Everything we have worked for the last few years will be wiped clean and we have to start over......again.

Now, my husband wants to move further West for another 'good job'. I want to support him and get him out of his current unhappy job situation but I do not want to move where neither of our families live (or anywhere near). It just seems like he is constantly pitching me a new city or new job to me so I jump on board and say lets move. I am willing to move again, I just feel like this has way more cons than pros.

I don't want to sound ungrateful b/c we do have a job as well as another great job opportunity but I never see an end to this constant moving. I am very close to my family and feel like I am already missing out on quality time with them. Moving further away would allow seeing our families 1-2 x a year. I am sorry but that is not how I was raised.

Help!!! Anybody in the same situation or had to deal with something like this?
 

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What does your husband say about your reservations?

He doesn't share the same views as you do about extended family?

If you don't want to move again, you should say so. I'm one of those people though that look at life as an adventure, so moving again wouldn't bother me as much. I'm close to my family too, but thanks to social media, they're not as far away as they used to be. I could be living in China and not miss out on family events.

As far as your business goes... does your husband not take that into consideration? I mean, it's not just his business opportunity that's at stake here, if you have established something lucrative he should acknowledge how moving again will affect that.
 

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If you don't want to move again, you should say so.
:iagree:

It sounds like you really are growing to dislike the moving, but everything you are communicating to your husband is support and enthusiasm.

He needs to know how you really feel before you can truly compromise on this.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thank you both for your quick reply!

Yes, he knows my reservation! I am not shy but want to be respectful of his happiness and wellbeing.
He loves where we live and would love to move home where we used to live but is not willing to take a step back in his career. He is in prime earning years so he only wants to move up w/ more $ and not willing to take a lateral position.
As for my business, I am primarily a stay at home mom so this is just extra income for us. It would only add an extra 25k the 1st year. He is happy for me taking the initiative in making extra money but he would be just as happy if I stayed home.

As for being far from my family, we do use all social media avenues to stay connected. It is ok for now b/c I know i can see them every few months. My extended family is extremely close too and most of them have not even met our son. A bigger move will just create a bigger gap. After all they have invested in me and my life, I feel like I am just abandoning them.

I am trying to stay optimistic about the situation b/c it usually dissolves and we stay satisfied here for another 4 months (until the next interview). This time is different - he wants to leave ASAP!
 

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He is in prime earning years so he only wants to move up w/ more $ and not willing to take a lateral position. As for my business, I am primarily a stay at home mom so this is just extra income for us. It would only add an extra 25k the 1st year. He is happy for me taking the initiative in making extra money but he would be just as happy if I stayed home.
He's the breadwinner. IMO that means you go where the money is.

Your husband is career minded and theres nothing wrong with that, but in order for him to be happy he has to go where the money is and acheive that next goal.

House and home is important too, but it sounds like he's thinks/feels like you will adjust to the distance. You'll be home with the kids taking care of that, and he'll be out making the money to support you all.

When I was about 9 my father packed us all up and moved from the midwest to California for a better job opportunity. We visited our family at least once a year and even some of them took the trip out to us during the year when they could and this was way before the internet. We all adjusted to our new schools and neighborhood, and my Mom made some lasting friendships.

The highway goes in both directions, to and from wherever you are.

What I would do is let him know, that the only move you would consider after this next one is the one going back home. That's what my family did. We came back to the midwest after 9 years out west.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thanks for your council, A Bit Much! That is exactly what I needed to hear. I appreciate your time and thoughts put into this!
 

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I'm more or less in the same position as your husband. We, however, move within the same company, so maybe the rules are a little different. I understand his interest to seize the earnings potential. My wife and I loved our last location, but we knew that my income would rapidly rise by moving. A really big factor for us was the decision of where we wanted to live for the college years of the children, and our understanding that they could marry about this time and become fixed to the area. Also, within my career succession plan, an international assignment is mandatory for executive level positions. We wanted to fulfull this after our children were part of the way through college. Also, we have made some tentative decisions on the final retirement location, and actively started saving for it. By putting some of these milestones in place, it helped our decision-making process. I wondered if any of these factors or considerations might help the two of you in your decision making process.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Thanks Halien and Mavash! Your input is very helpful. Your honesty is much appreciated - it is sometimes just hard to digest.
 

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the pirce to be well off.

he is motivated to to eran money for his family and sounds like hes good at it I say follow him and enjoy the adventure. not many families are in the position that you are in suport his decission and be happy.


good luck.
 
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