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Hi people.
We separated 3mths ago and she moved out 1mth ago. Her doing, lots of factors least of all not this new crowd she's into - and I suspect an MC in there to , BUT mostly , it was about us . We talked and talked over that 2mths before and it always came back to us big time.
And I admit I 'd been a major A//H to her for a few yrs now , mainly due to our struggling, pressure and her changes , I just felt distant and wanted it to , well I got it in the end.
But I was starting to turn again , the pressures in our lives were subsiding and stuff was just beginning to get easier.
I was planning on a new lease of tlc , us time again , i realized what I'd been like and when all this came out it had hurt her very very deeply for 2 -3 yrs.
She was right and once I started getting through my anger over her quitting on us I began to realize just how much I did hurt her.
Councelers also pointed out that everyone has a different level of just how much they can mentally go through in lifes tough times as we'd been living until just recently, as well as relationship stuff and that she'd had a very good dose of both.
They've said 2-3 yrs of hard marriage alone is usually enough for most.
And so lately , with everything considered, plus realizing just how I've been with her for quite awhile before , I dunno my anger has eased and I almost feel like we're even in many ways. I do still think she quit and especially seems as the struggles were all about getting a house in her area , which she leaves 12mths later , but she's also been through a hell of a lot to.
The thing is now , well first we have our daughter , 11, so we've tried to keep civil and casual around her but , we also just naturally get along , really well .
So once my anger started to fade a bit , we had to call and stuff - daughter - all our loose ends , we started slipping back into just our natural gear. Sometimes we're on the phone for hrs . Sometimes babe or I love you's slip out , and when she came over on the w'e she came straight up and cuddled and wouldn't break it , I had trouble to . It's like the slips ups and like oops , hang on we're separated better stop .
It was so nice to hold her , I almost pashed her forgetting for a second there.
From there we stepped back and started talking and once again just flew off into our usual chit chat and for awhile again it's like we were just all still here , in the kitchen , any other day. And she had trouble leaving to , we all did ,and stopping it I could see it.
The other thing is she still cares what I think , why would u if u left.? And she's even concertned i've change the house a bit and bought some new **** like , didn't u like the way I set it up for us ?
But I'm not sure how I'm suppose to be now. My angers turned into understanding of not only her wrong now , but all of mine that set it off. And then there's our naturalness , that we've always had, it's just there even under these circumstances, hurt and emotions and still just gets away from us as easy as 1 2 3.
I have no clue now , on just how I'm supposed to b , what's best if there is a best for our situation.
Or maybe we find ourselves again one day if I just go with the flow, got no idea.
Any thoughts , advice .
We separated 3mths ago and she moved out 1mth ago. Her doing, lots of factors least of all not this new crowd she's into - and I suspect an MC in there to , BUT mostly , it was about us . We talked and talked over that 2mths before and it always came back to us big time.
And I admit I 'd been a major A//H to her for a few yrs now , mainly due to our struggling, pressure and her changes , I just felt distant and wanted it to , well I got it in the end.
But I was starting to turn again , the pressures in our lives were subsiding and stuff was just beginning to get easier.
I was planning on a new lease of tlc , us time again , i realized what I'd been like and when all this came out it had hurt her very very deeply for 2 -3 yrs.
She was right and once I started getting through my anger over her quitting on us I began to realize just how much I did hurt her.
Councelers also pointed out that everyone has a different level of just how much they can mentally go through in lifes tough times as we'd been living until just recently, as well as relationship stuff and that she'd had a very good dose of both.
They've said 2-3 yrs of hard marriage alone is usually enough for most.
And so lately , with everything considered, plus realizing just how I've been with her for quite awhile before , I dunno my anger has eased and I almost feel like we're even in many ways. I do still think she quit and especially seems as the struggles were all about getting a house in her area , which she leaves 12mths later , but she's also been through a hell of a lot to.
The thing is now , well first we have our daughter , 11, so we've tried to keep civil and casual around her but , we also just naturally get along , really well .
So once my anger started to fade a bit , we had to call and stuff - daughter - all our loose ends , we started slipping back into just our natural gear. Sometimes we're on the phone for hrs . Sometimes babe or I love you's slip out , and when she came over on the w'e she came straight up and cuddled and wouldn't break it , I had trouble to . It's like the slips ups and like oops , hang on we're separated better stop .
It was so nice to hold her , I almost pashed her forgetting for a second there.
From there we stepped back and started talking and once again just flew off into our usual chit chat and for awhile again it's like we were just all still here , in the kitchen , any other day. And she had trouble leaving to , we all did ,and stopping it I could see it.
The other thing is she still cares what I think , why would u if u left.? And she's even concertned i've change the house a bit and bought some new **** like , didn't u like the way I set it up for us ?
But I'm not sure how I'm suppose to be now. My angers turned into understanding of not only her wrong now , but all of mine that set it off. And then there's our naturalness , that we've always had, it's just there even under these circumstances, hurt and emotions and still just gets away from us as easy as 1 2 3.
I have no clue now , on just how I'm supposed to b , what's best if there is a best for our situation.
Or maybe we find ourselves again one day if I just go with the flow, got no idea.
Any thoughts , advice .
