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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Its been a couple of weeks since I confronted my wife about her affair. Things have actually been going as well as I think they could. Our two therapy sessions have been possitive she has been up front about any meetings, or conversations with the other man (her co-worker) and thankfully he is going back to Zurich this weekend (for 6 months). I can honestly say she has done almost everything I ask when it comes to working it out. Here is the problem. First let me say that my wife is and has always been a private person (I can live with that). So living a transparent life while we patch things up is very hard for her. The problem is I am still checking cell records and her blackberry every now and then just to make sure I am not missing anything that I am not aware of. I then ask my wife if I find somthing questionable. We had a big fight over me "sneeking" a look at her blackberry ( there really has been nothing of interest) because she says that I have too deep an interest in her professional life. I told her that I would not be as interested in her career but that is where affair happened. She stormed out of the house the morning mad but I feel like I am owed every bit of her privacy at least for a short time until I can start to trust her again and I do believe I can. My question is do I have the right to check her e-mail, cell records, etc... or Do I need to respect her and give her a "little" privacy". Has anyone been through somthing similar or is there a compromise position I can take. I did tell her that instead of sneeking a look I would ask her first she said fine but you know how words like that somtimes have double meanings.
 

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Let her know that while you respect her privacy, until she has your complete trust you need to know that you are not just wasting your time. It was her affair she made that choice, when you do something wrong you lose a bit of freedom.

draconis
 

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I think you have a right to look at those things, and if she wants the relationship to recover from the affiar, she should try to lead a transparent life for a while so you can build your trust back.

While it may be uncomfortable to have a spouse putting your 'affairs' (literally & figuratively) under the microscope for a while, it's a lot more uncomfortable being the one that got cheated on and a small price to pay to help your relationship recover.

If she doesn't allow this it could also be a sign that she wants to continue her private life in some way.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks for the advise but I guess I knew what was right all along. It helps to have support from others in times like these.
 
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