This forum, and most people it seems, categorize sexual requests into two basic types:
a) Reasonable requests that should be accommodated by a reasonable spouse
b) Requests that a spouse should be completely free to decline with no negative consequence.
Requests of type a) typically follow the pattern of something that's well enough established in the mainstream to be expected. If not, then the burden usually gets placed more on the declining than on the asking partner. Too many of these in a relationship, and the two of you probably have significant compatibility issues. Maybe you need to find someone who is a fully realized sexual being to meet your needs.
Requests of type b) follow the pattern of our current anal sex thread - you're free to ask, she's free to decline, and you should STFU after being politely told no way. The solution to this problem is to wrap your head around the fact that you will never do this, stop trying, be a loving and caring spouse and respect boundaries.
I'm old enough and been around the block enough times to know that sexual problems are way, way, WAY more about the union of two styles than about what any one person finds erotic, but I'm still a little fascinated by this distinction and where the line is drawn, especially with how big a hammer people will use on those they perceive to be violating the rules of request type b) compared to the sympathy usually shown for those frustrated with type a).
Most of us agree that humiliation has no place in the bedroom (unless that's your thing). So if I, hypothetically, have a wife who feels humiliated if you touch her breasts, or genitals, anything other that missionary PIV sex, or oral sex under any circumstances, which category do I land in? If I try to press the boundaries, am I the insensitive cad, or the victim, or both?
a) Reasonable requests that should be accommodated by a reasonable spouse
b) Requests that a spouse should be completely free to decline with no negative consequence.
Requests of type a) typically follow the pattern of something that's well enough established in the mainstream to be expected. If not, then the burden usually gets placed more on the declining than on the asking partner. Too many of these in a relationship, and the two of you probably have significant compatibility issues. Maybe you need to find someone who is a fully realized sexual being to meet your needs.
Requests of type b) follow the pattern of our current anal sex thread - you're free to ask, she's free to decline, and you should STFU after being politely told no way. The solution to this problem is to wrap your head around the fact that you will never do this, stop trying, be a loving and caring spouse and respect boundaries.
I'm old enough and been around the block enough times to know that sexual problems are way, way, WAY more about the union of two styles than about what any one person finds erotic, but I'm still a little fascinated by this distinction and where the line is drawn, especially with how big a hammer people will use on those they perceive to be violating the rules of request type b) compared to the sympathy usually shown for those frustrated with type a).
Most of us agree that humiliation has no place in the bedroom (unless that's your thing). So if I, hypothetically, have a wife who feels humiliated if you touch her breasts, or genitals, anything other that missionary PIV sex, or oral sex under any circumstances, which category do I land in? If I try to press the boundaries, am I the insensitive cad, or the victim, or both?