[Jack29]

My last ex told me on one of the first nights together that she had had 5 boyfriends before me but than she told me she had slept with 10 guys on the nude, but she didnt have sex with them so it doesnt go in her books as having sex. She also admited (or rather mentioned) that she had watched porn with other people (plural in the room).

What worries me here isnt the technical details (do you count it as sex/boyfriend if you only sleep in the naked) but i was freaked and our relationship didnt last very long, and there were other issues as well that i judged as red flags.

Would you call that sluutish behaviour? Im not considering getting back with her or anything but i never talked to her about this issue, probably because i didnt trust myself to get angry and mad if we started talking on that.

Am i correct to belive that what she said was just the tip of the iceberg and it would have gotten even worse if i kept staying with her?

 

[johnnycomelately]

My last ex told me on one of the first nights together that she had had 5 boyfriends before me but than she told me she had slept with 10 guys on the nude, but she didnt have sex with them so it doesnt go in her books as having sex. She also admited (or rather mentioned) that she had watched porn with other people (plural in the room).

What worries me here isnt the technical details (do you count it as sex/boyfriend if you only sleep in the naked) but i was freaked and our relationship didnt last very long, and there were other issues as well that i judged as red flags.

Would you call that sluutish behaviour? Im not considering getting back with her or anything but i never talked to her about this issue, probably because i didnt trust myself to get angry and mad if we started talking on that.

Am i correct to belive that what she said was just the tip of the iceberg and it would have gotten even worse if i kept staying with her?

I wouldn't see this as an issue. I am sure that many will disagree with me, but why is it a problem?

My wife had a varied sexual history and we have been very happy together and I have never had an ounce of doubt about her fidelity and trustworthiness.

Would you call it sl*ttish behaviour for a man?

 

[Jack29]

I wouldn't see this as an issue. I am sure that many will disagree with me, but why is it a problem?

My wife had a varied sexual history and we have been very happy together and I have never had an ounce of doubt about her fidelity and trustworthiness.

Would you call it ****tish behaviour for a man?

Well i was on the look for opinions and this one happens to be yours. Thanks.

But i find it outraging that a woman just choses to sleep with a guy just like that. Mabye i should have asked her what was the next day like. Probably the other guy was calling her all the time. I also cant understand how she fought them off in the bed from faking her (we did from the first night). The reason i didnt ask them questions was that i knew id probably go berserk if we kept talking about it!

But if you're a man you cant just pick a girl and go and sleep with her, not me at least, women can do it much easier so its not like i can put myself in her situation!

 

[faithfulspouse]

I don't see the issue either. Her manner of counting is up to her and no I wouldn't call it ****tish. Nor would I consider it ****tish if my parter had 10 partners or 110, it's what happpens when you are a couple that matters, not before imo.

 

[faithfulspouse]

Well i was on the look for opinions and this one happens to be yours. Thanks.

But i find it outraging that a woman just choses to sleep with a guy just like that. Mabye i should have asked her what was the next day like. Probably the other guy was calling her all the time. I also cant understand how she fought them off in the bed from faking her (we did from the first night). The way i didnt ask them the questions was that i knew id probably go berserk if we kept talking about it!

What a terrible double standard you have going on here. Are you Sl*ttish for sleeping with her on the first night, do you find your behaviour just as outrageous?.

 

[Jack29]

I think the issue is huge. You either like a guy and than have sex with him and than he is your boyfriend, or if you're not attracted you just lay off of him and sleep by yourself. You just can't go and sleep with somebody and than act like nothing happened just because you didnt have sex.

Besides how can I be sure they were one night stands and she was lying about it? Furthermore we had sex together right away, day after we met, how can i find it belivable that on 10 other occasions she spent the night with a guy but no sex?

 

[Jack29]

What a terrible double standard you have going on here. Are you Sl*ttish for sleeping with her on the first night, do you find your behaviour just as outrageous?

I know it looks bad but if i sleep with a girl than it means A LOT to me, sex or no sex. And to my ex it only meant smth if sex happened (at least thats how she explained it to me) otherwise if no sex than hes just another friend like most of her friends nothing more and thats what i don't agree with!

 

[Jack29]

And if you couple what we were previously talking with the fact that she used to watch porn with other people in the room, men as well she admitted, i belive thats smth that i should worry about. I have never watched porn with other people but if I ever want to get an orgy started (hopefully never) i guess thats how you start doing it!

 

[costa200]

she told me she had slept with 10 guys on the nude, but she didnt have sex with them

Slep with 10 guys on the nude without sex. Yeah, right... I think that will fall heavily on the definition of "sex" she is using!

Would you call that sluutish behaviour?

I don't like that word, since there is no male equivalent, but i would say that it's a kind of behavior i'm not interested in when searching for a long term partner.

Am i correct to belive that what she said was just the tip of the iceberg and it would have gotten even worse if i kept staying with her?

Very likely. Often people say to multiply by 3.

Im not considering getting back with her or anything but i never talked to her about this issue, probably because i didnt trust myself to get angry and mad if we started talking on that.

I think you're deceiving yourself. This, being kept in your mind, means that you're not over it yet. You still have something for this woman. You need to take a step back and evaluate if the issues that ended the relationship are final or not.

 

[Jack29]

I think you're deceiving yourself. This, being kept in your mind, means that you're not over it yet. You still have something for this woman. You need to take a step back and evaluate if the issues that ended the relationship are final or not

Thats correct i still do have smth for her but shes been in the past for the last 3months now and thats how i like to keep it. Other issues that made me uncomfortable were that she was a compulsive flirt with guys and when there were taller and more good looking guys than me shed go at talk to them and than claim "i wasnt flirting i was just talking" like that would make it right. I hate flirting myself i very rarely do it and NEVER if i have girlfriend!

 

[JJG]

She didnt do any thing wrong.

You havent done anything wrong.

You both have different perceptions of sex and thats fine. Neither is wrong. It is good that you found out early and went your seperate ways.

 

[costa200]

Other issues that made me uncomfortable were that she was a compulsive flirt with guys and when there were taller and more good looking guys than me shed go at talk to them

Your basic instinct is telling you that this woman isn't long term relationship material. You should take it into account. That doesn't mean you can't have a relationship with her, but be ready to jump ship as soon as she finds something she likes more.

 

[WyshIknew]

Dude, when you finally find the right woman for you you may have a problem dislodging her halo.

Every woman you meet will have baggage of some sort.

 

[Jack29]

Your basic instinct is telling you that this woman isn't long term relationship material. You should take it into account. That doesn't mean you can't have a relationship with her, but be ready to jump ship as soon as she finds something she likes more.

You're right about the first part but as to jumping ships is not that easy! It took me a long time to get over her the first time and if we get back again it will be even worse, i don't want to walk that road a second time! She kept calling for the first month and now 2 months have past with no contact. Given the easiness she finds other guys to sleep with im not sure i wont to know what shes been doing lately