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Discussion Starter #1
What do women really want?
I am looking for the female perception of course.

I am openly honest.
If the guys want to go out, I always ask her if she would like to join us and if she would prefer to do something else then I will choose what she wants.
I am heavily into dirtbikes, ATV etc. I never buy one in the event she would like her own.
I have a motorcycle and bought her one to learn on if she wished.
I have a boat, now it is only a speed boat but I am looking at getting a larger one with sleeping quarters so we can go out on the ocean and spend nights.
When home I cook, laundry everything.
I work out regularly am very muscular with very little body fat. I do this and keep this shape not only for my job but also as a sign to her that hey I want to look good for you.
She also works as an aerobics instructor so she is very fit as well.
I am a paramedic so my job takes me away most of the time so when I am home I setup date nights every Friday, movies with the kids on Saturdays and we usually have game nights as a family sundays.
Anything she wants I will give her and usually I read her face because she feels bad to ask.
I wake up every morning just to hear her voice or see her smile.
I would never cheat or lie or disrespect her in anyway.
Every time when making love I make sure she explodes and soaks the bed before I even put it in.
She is a successful nurse and has good and bad days at work like us all. I tell her the option is there to quit if she is not happy no big deal we can easily afford to live off my cheque.
Like I do what I can and there is no limitations to what I will not try and do to make her happy.
Yet she rarely smiles.
She admits she is not happy but doesn't know why.

I do not understand women. I was raised to put your wife on a pedestal and she comes first no matter what. Anything you do is to be done with her best interests in mind. The only thing that I put myself first for is my job. I will not give up saving lives for another persons ego, that is a line that I draw firmly.

So what do you women want. You say doors held open and all this but yet when it's done you think we men are trying to size you up your butt you walk through. If we do not then we don't respect you.

It's just frustrating.
 

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No she openly says she is not happy with herself.
But I want to help her through it because it is just not working the way it is currently.
The bad day thing I understand. As you say we all have them.
But the bad days have gone from every 6 months to gradually every 3 then 6 months ago to weekly and the last month it has been daily.
I just want my wife back and I am not a person to discuss personal issues with anyone but her. I am here because I need the help, if it's me then I want to fix it. If it is her then I want to help her get through it before she throws it all away.
She says she wants it. She just fights it.
So what causes a person to not be happy with themselves?
She is so beautiful in my eyes.
She is everything I ever dreamed of.
She just cannot figure out why she is fighting it and I want to help even if we are through, I will be there for her if she needs me.
Again maybe that's the problem
 

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this is sad:( It sounds like you two could have a really nice marriage if she wasn't depressed.She's a nurse,is it possible she has really bad job burnout but just doesn't want to admit it or quit?
maybe she's chemically depressed?


also,it doesn't seem like an issue of needing to take the default advice of "man up"...She really doesn't understand why she's depressed and it sounds like the two of you have talked openly about the issue.By the comment you made about making sure she explodes before you even attempt to enter her,you're having great sex too!

We just get depressed sometimes,it could be hormonal,not everything has to do with manning up or being alpha. She should talk to a doctor.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
I do not know to be honest.
She will not talk. When we try it ends up in fights because she makes excuses for it instead of dealing with it.
I have a different outlook than most people on stuff due to my job.
I deal with everything head on and if someone is not comfortable I am the personality to say snap out of it grow up and deal with it. That is also a problem, if your really not well and you got suck it up buttercup in your face saying talk about it lets deal with it and fix it and you are unsure then you feel pressured and lie.
Now it's blown out of proportion and all hell is hitting the fan.
 

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I do not know to be honest.
She will not talk. When we try it ends up in fights because she makes excuses for it instead of dealing with it.
I have a different outlook than most people on stuff due to my job.
I deal with everything head on and if someone is not comfortable I am the personality to say snap out of it grow up and deal with it. That is also a problem, if your really not well and you got suck it up buttercup in your face saying talk about it lets deal with it and fix it and you are unsure then you feel pressured and lie.
Now it's blown out of proportion and all hell is hitting the fan.
ah ok,from your first post it sounded like you were discussing things openly.

It's possible your way of dealing with things is making her not want to talk.Have you tried counseling together yet?
 

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Discussion Starter #8
I may have a read about the book but if it is gong to tell me that I cannot put my wife first and try to make everyday of her life the most important than I will not finish it. No offense but the last person I picked up was arguing with his wife over what they were having for supper and he went off the road. Wife dead, he will never walk again. I do not wish to experience that. I know it's not all happy go lucky but whatever I can do to make her 100% happy, I want to do.
 

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First of all, you're not home enough to make any marriage work in my opinion,7 days a month is ridiculous.

Is it possible she has someone outside the marriage?
 

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Discussion Starter #11
I say no...I hope.
I work an hour away from home and stay on base when I am there.
She comes in every weekend and stays when she is off.
As far as being gone to much.
Last year xmas morning I was not home. It killed me.
I received a call for a grandfather that fell and had a heart attack in front of his grandchildren when they were opening presents.
Luckily and it does not happen often we got him back.
It is why I do this job. I have one son in college currently for it and the other is fully interested as well.
It's a sacrifice but someone has to do it and my family has been raised understanding that if someone needs help I want to be there.
 

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I may have a read about the book but if it is gong to tell me that I cannot put my wife first and try to make everyday of her life the most important than I will not finish it. No offense but the last person I picked up was arguing with his wife over what they were having for supper and he went off the road. Wife dead, he will never walk again. I do not wish to experience that. I know it's not all happy go lucky but whatever I can do to make her 100% happy, I want to do.
Look, the point, whether you read the book or not, is that your wife shouldn't be on a pedestal. She should be at your side. Yes, you want her to be great everyday, but the thing is, YOU can't guarantee that... only SHE can. SHE has to make the decision to be happy or not. No matter how much you do the dishes, no matter how much you fold the clothes, no matter how many orgasms she has... if she isn't happy, there is NOTHING you can do to MAKE her happy. I think that's the gist of MMSL. If I am wrong, I am sure someone can correct me.

My guess is that your wife wants to be OFF that pedestal and wants you to do SOMETHING for yourself. I don't mean like going away every weekend with the guys, but to pick something FOR YOU, which isn't contingent on whether she may or may not enjoy doing it at some point in the future. Seriously, I may get reamed for this, but reading the description you gave of what you do for/with her all the time... I felt smothered! And I'm not even a part of it! Just try doing something without her for a change. You might see a change in her... a positive one, at that.
 

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Due to the fact this has been progressing and becoming more of an issue, I think marriage counseling would be important. If it IS depression (which it sounds like) then they could help with that.

She may be hesitant because nurses on meds is a bit of a touchy subject - she might be concerned that it would negatively impact her job.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
I work away from home where she is responsible for everything 3 out of 4 weeks. My job is my something for me. It is one thing that I love that I will end the marriage over with no hesitations.
I just want to be the person to help put a smile on her face. If that's hey hun sit down and spend time with the kids, read a book, go shopping do what u want I will handle everything on this end so it's not piling up on you.
 

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Ok, I just saw your other thread... and this isn't about that at all. She cheated when you were younger. And then, even AFTER you were married, you GAVE HER PERMISSION to do it again! To "get it out of her system"... WTF WERE YOU THINKING?!?!?!?!

She's not happy because she wants to live the single life again. That's plain from the other thread...
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Maybe pedestal is the wrong word.
She is a woman I love very very much
I will do anything to help make her life easier
 

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Ok, I just saw your other thread... and this isn't about that at all. She cheated when you were younger. And then, even AFTER you were married, you GAVE HER PERMISSION to do it again! To "get it out of her system"... WTF WERE YOU THINKING?!?!?!?!

She's not happy because she wants to live the single life again. That's plain from the other thread...
I don't know wtf I was thinking.
I just wanted her to be happy and us happy
 

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I don't know wtf I was thinking.
I just wanted her to be happy and us happy
Allowing your spouse to cheat on you is NOT the way to make your marriage happy. Her hooking up with other men, and it being "ok" ended when you two became serious. Even if you were somewhat "ok" with it before you married, it most DEFINITELY is not ok after you marry, unless you agree to an open marriage... or if you enjoy being a cuckold.
 

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You're equating what women want and what your wife wants as the same thing. It sounds like you're doing everything right. She sounds depressed, which isn't a woman or man thing. Does she know how much you love and care for her? how concerned you are? that you'd do anything for her to put a smile on her face. this is heartbreaking. hang in there with her and help her through it. find another doctor. find the right meds.
 
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