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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Ok, here goes...I'm in love with a man who lives 600 miles away. I've known him for several years and we've dated off and on. We're doing very well now, and I'm considering moving to be with him, which he's all for. He's mentioned starting a family, (neither of us has kids) but hasn't asked me to marry him. I feel I can't move that far without commitment. How do I broach this topic with him without scaring him?
 

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Ok, maybe you can get the "joke" approach, and tell him that you love him and want to have family with him, but you don't want to have kids brought up while their parents are "living in sin"... so see how he reacts. And depending on what he says, then why don't you "pop the question" yourself?
 

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To be honest I would lay it all out there. I would think that he might understand your concerns. You two might just come to some kind of compromise and who knows maybe he will propose. Good luck to you both.
 

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I think you should very honestly ask him what his intentions are. Is this a casual thing or is he interested in a commitment sometime in the future? You should both be honest about your expectations. My wife moved about the same distance to be with me after we had only known each other a few weeks. We have been married for 21 years now. Our marriage is having some severe difficulties now and I hope and pray we survive but we both know what we wanted at the time. Good luck.
 

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I'm going to say that you should not move in with him until there's a marriage. That's what you want, and it's what you deserve. It's also what any future children deserve.

That said, you should talk to him about it. Explain why you think marriage is important and what it means to you. If he doesn't care enough about you to make the commitment to marry you, then it's not time to move in with him yet.

Did I mention that the divorce rate is higher among those who live together before marriage?
 

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To my mind, having kids together is actually a bigger commitment that getting married is. When I broke with my ex husband it was just a case of walking out on the marriage, but the kids are still with us!

If the pair of you are able to talk about making family plans, I really don't see the difficulty in bringing up the idea of getting married. Unless he's got some real problem with marriage I imagine he's be thrilled to bits.
 

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He wants you to move across the country to be with him, and you are willing. Sounds like commitment to me.

If you are discussing kids, perhaps you could say that you would like to be married before having any, and guage his reaction from there.
 

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The fact that you are willing to move in with him and take that risk. I think you deserve to know what your future holds. You need to have the big talk and maybe wait on the moving in part.
 
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