Im going through a separation that is especially tough. I was with my husband for a 15 years. We have a 2 year old son, and a baby on the way. 2 1/2 months ago I found out he was having an affair. This is not the first time. 2 years ago he had something similar with someone else, but I was never able to find much proof. I thought we worked through it, although we never sought out counselling. But I was way wrong. This current affair was very involved. He even spent time with with her and my son together. It was just awful.
If I could, I would kick him out. But we do not make much money and he has no friends here. He had a few acquaintances that he stayed with on some nights when things were bad but it was only here and there.
Financially I am dependent on him. We have a house and car and bills we have to pay. I only make about half of what he makes. Together we do not make enough to support 2 households.
Initally we agreed to keep things amicable and live in the same house until the baby was born. In that time I hoped to find a job to support myself. He agreed to give me the house, car, everything, he just wanted 50% time with his kids and some money to start over.
That all sounded good. We even started counseling. Then after a month I found out that he took my son to spend the night at his mistresses house, the night before. I was so shocked and angry, and hurt. I did not want to reconcile at that point but I was under the impression the affair was over. And to involve my son. it was a blow. I went into a rage and slapped him a few times. I screamed at the top of my lungs. I was so painful. I knew then and there I could never trust him.
Now over a month later and things are so much worst. Every other day is good. We go on walks we are nice to each other, we eat meals together. Then suddenly he gets mad and threatens to leave, to take our money and go. He yells at me and our son. At one point he even shoved me and our son when he was angry. I reached out to his family for help. I needed to find a way to make him see that he was not being fair to us. I know that tensions are high, but we need to work together. That made things come to a boiling point. He was so furious that I contacted his family. I tried to tell him that I just wanted help to reach him. I wanted him to see reason. He called me all sorts of awful names, told me he hated me. He took it to a whole other level. He even threatened to start dating his mistress again just to have her around my kids, which he knows is a sore spot for me.
I know he needs to leave. We need to be apart from each other. This is so so unhealthy. But I cant afford to pay my bills if he leaves. What do I do? I'm about $600 a month short, and that is if he gives me $1000 a month. I am looking for a job but this is so hard. I can barely focus. I am pregnant, trying to raise a 2 year old, take care of a house, and going through this horrible experience.
I dont have anyone I can talk to. My friends and family hate him too much to give me non impartial advise. His family cant be trusted anymore. They are telling him to cut back on his hours to make sure I cant take his money. They are also telling him that I am going to take the kids just to spite him. They said I am going to cry abuse and use it against him.
I honestly do not want to keep the kids from him. My kids deserve both parents, so I am not going to stand in the way of that just because he is mean to me. In the long run I know things will be better. We got along great most of our marriage. I know he can be a good guy and a good father.
If I could, I would kick him out. But we do not make much money and he has no friends here. He had a few acquaintances that he stayed with on some nights when things were bad but it was only here and there.
Financially I am dependent on him. We have a house and car and bills we have to pay. I only make about half of what he makes. Together we do not make enough to support 2 households.
Initally we agreed to keep things amicable and live in the same house until the baby was born. In that time I hoped to find a job to support myself. He agreed to give me the house, car, everything, he just wanted 50% time with his kids and some money to start over.
That all sounded good. We even started counseling. Then after a month I found out that he took my son to spend the night at his mistresses house, the night before. I was so shocked and angry, and hurt. I did not want to reconcile at that point but I was under the impression the affair was over. And to involve my son. it was a blow. I went into a rage and slapped him a few times. I screamed at the top of my lungs. I was so painful. I knew then and there I could never trust him.
Now over a month later and things are so much worst. Every other day is good. We go on walks we are nice to each other, we eat meals together. Then suddenly he gets mad and threatens to leave, to take our money and go. He yells at me and our son. At one point he even shoved me and our son when he was angry. I reached out to his family for help. I needed to find a way to make him see that he was not being fair to us. I know that tensions are high, but we need to work together. That made things come to a boiling point. He was so furious that I contacted his family. I tried to tell him that I just wanted help to reach him. I wanted him to see reason. He called me all sorts of awful names, told me he hated me. He took it to a whole other level. He even threatened to start dating his mistress again just to have her around my kids, which he knows is a sore spot for me.
I know he needs to leave. We need to be apart from each other. This is so so unhealthy. But I cant afford to pay my bills if he leaves. What do I do? I'm about $600 a month short, and that is if he gives me $1000 a month. I am looking for a job but this is so hard. I can barely focus. I am pregnant, trying to raise a 2 year old, take care of a house, and going through this horrible experience.
I dont have anyone I can talk to. My friends and family hate him too much to give me non impartial advise. His family cant be trusted anymore. They are telling him to cut back on his hours to make sure I cant take his money. They are also telling him that I am going to take the kids just to spite him. They said I am going to cry abuse and use it against him.
I honestly do not want to keep the kids from him. My kids deserve both parents, so I am not going to stand in the way of that just because he is mean to me. In the long run I know things will be better. We got along great most of our marriage. I know he can be a good guy and a good father.
