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Hi,

I cheated on my husband and I told him, and we are now separated. Neither of us have filed yet, but we both are seeing other people. I did try to reconcile with him for a few months, and he tried as well, but unfortunately we were unable to do so. I can respect that seeing as I messed up horribly.
Well, after not being able to reconcile with my husband, I eventually started seeing the other man which I had cheated on my husband with. Including the time I was cheating on my husband and the time I've been in a legitimate relationship with the OM, it's been almost 15 months. Well, on the 1st of this month, the OM decided to tell his wife about us. Now they have been separated since November 2010, so he figured it should have been fine (their divorce will finally be finalized on November 14, 2012). Well, it wasn't. She flipped out on him and vandalized his car and motorcycle and also broke into his apartment and woke him up by choking him. The next morning this woman approached me at work and tried to fight me while I was on the clock, for "sleeping with her husband" regardless of the fact that they were about to be divorced. I got overly stressed out and broke up with him over this, because they have a child together who is about to be 2 years old. Well, we have since gotten back together, and last night she was trying to call him and his phone was on silence so she called my number instead, and I had him answer. She blew up and got mad because she figured out we had gotten back together. She then said she was going to switch their custody agreement from Joint custody to sole custody and she wouldn't let him see his child.

So, basically I feel bad even though the OM told me that this would have happened no matter who he was dating or how long it had been. And I despise this woman since she came into my work place. I forgot to add, she also went and harassed my husband that same day right after she harassed me, which brought back all of his old feelings of pain, which in turned p*ssed me off more. However, me and the OM relationship has gotten pretty serious lately and we've finally came out to the public and are in a real, legitimate relationship. It's not the best of ways to be in a relationship, but it is what it is. I've always loved his son to death, he is an amazing little boy and we've spent so much time together, and I know his son loves me. I want to do what is best for this child and as much as I dislike his mother, I think it is in his best interest that her and I get along. However, she hates me and wants to fight me because she feels I broke up her marriage, even though they were separated long before I even met him. And like I said previously, she is trying to take away the OM's ability to see his son frequently to "punish him" (her own words).

Basically, is there any hope for her and I to get along? I am willing to, but I doubt she is. And if not, how are we supposed to all help raise this child? I would never make negative comments about his mother in front of him, but I've heard a bunch of horror stories about the mother talking negatively about the step-mom. Should I leave her alone for awhile or try to straighten this out as soon as possible? After she tried to fight me at my job, I bought pepper spray to protect myself from her (meant just for my workplace but I've gotten into the habit of carrying it anywhere she could show up). What if she tries to fight me and I have to pepper spray her in self-defense? She is a very hostile lady. Thank you for reading this, and I appreciate any advice I can get.
 

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She sounds psycho, I don't know if she's capable of being amicable.

I guess I would give it a little time. Then, write a sincere letter, stating that it's in the best interest of the child that you all behave in a civil manner. Children are like sponges, and they will model what they see. Tell her you'd like to be on good terms for this reason. If she is reachable, it will probably only be on the basis of the child.
 

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She is going to fill that childs mind with BS about you but there is nothing you can do about it. Continue treating the boy well and he will be fine, her hatred towards you shouldn't affect how he feels about you.

If she ever approaches you again file a police report and get a restraining order.

I wouldn't have any contact with her, a letter may just fuel her fire. (no offense to Hehasmyheart)
 

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From the timing (separated 2 years ago, kid is 2 years old) it sounds like he ditched his wife while she was pregnant with his kid and then jumped straight into your bed (or depending on how long your affair went on, he may have been in your bed before leaving his pregnant wife).

So I'd probably be really mad at both of you too. But yeah, she's going overboard with rage and probably needs to see a therapist herself.

I'd go the restraining order route if she approaches you angrily again, definitely. There's really no need for you two to ever be in the same room, even if you do share custody of her son. Dropping off and picking up can all happen outside, or through your boyfriend. Then in a few years, when the kid is old enough to understand that his mum and stepmum don't get along, the rage will hopefully have died down somewhat anyway.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Hi, thank you for the replies and sorry it took so long to get back.

Well, I forget if I posted this earlier, but she threatened to switch their custodial agreement from joint custody to sole custody to "punish him". Well two days ago, he was able to convince her to keep the joint custody agreement. So that's a good bit of news, and she knows he lives with me.

And as for him leaving his wife, their son is 2 today (happy birthday to him :) ), and she kicked him out when his son was 1 month old. He lived separately from her from December 2010 and had his own apartment. We started our affair August 2011. They were separated LONG before we started dating.

However, she keeps telling him that she does not care that he is with me and she is "glad that she never has to put up with him again" but she brings my name up in almost every single sentence so I can tell she IS bothered by it. Anything they talk about, she somehow fits my name into it, even if it's totally irrelevant. I do want to be on good terms with her, but for now, she is calling me all sorts of names while on the phone with my boyfriend. I am okay with it, as I understand she is mad and I told him to not stick up for me because I could tell she was about to say she wouldn't fight for sole custody (and shortly thereafter she did). But I am not sure if she is actually angry at me, or if she is displacing her anger at him onto me.

My biggest fear though is that his son will not like me as his mother talks down on me. He is only 2, but when he is older, that's what I am concerned about. Again, thank you.
 

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This is a terrible, heartbreaking situation for this child.

If you want what's best for the child, you will break it off with your man after convincing him not to date anyone until the child is 18 years old.

You cannot control his wife, but you can take actions yourself and make the sacrifice personally that will benefit this child.

After wrecking your own marriage, how about rethinking your own values system and peform a in a selfless way rather than a selfish way. Food for thought.
 

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Ummm, you broke up her marriage. Yes, you did. You ****ed up this little boy's family and then you claim you love him. You destroyed his life, divided a little family unit. This child is so little. You first said you were dating him when he was married, then you change your story. Nope, you do not love this child, you don't know what love is. You are dysfunctional and demoralized. She HARASSED you? Are you kidding me? You broke up her family and you want her to what? Thank you? YOu are off your kilter. People like you make me sick. I don't care if I get banned. YOu suck and I hope karma bites you in the ass. Poor little boy.
 
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