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I know what I learned, while I am highly sexually attracted to her and I do care for her very much I just don't have that spark like I did before.
I am sure the sex thing is because she is a beautiful woman and I am a man with a pulse and we live in the same space sleep in the same bed so there is a closeness between us.
The length of our marriage, the kids, the history we had I can't see myself ever not caring for her.
That said that little extra that pushes you to be completely in love, giving your total dedication to another just isn't there and I wonder if it will ever be like it was.
It is sad because you wonder if you can hold on it will come back, but the doubt comes and is it a waste of time? I am 40 in 5-10 years I don't want to look back and say what a waste not that life is over at 50 , I think most finally get comfortable in their own skin and learn to appreciate more around them but giving up all those years. Then I think maybe this is the dip in life's road and the best is in front of us so much unknown, so many questions.
 

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I love being single.
 

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I learned that my STBXW didn't go anywhere to see the OM. That my mind is my worst enemy in these things.

That I truly need her to GTFO so I can stop wondering and move on with my life.

That maybe this might be the start of something good for me and my kids. That I truly might find someone who really wants to be with me. That my whole life might take a turn I never expected and it might be good.

I know thats a bunch to happen in one day, but it did.
 

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I know what I learned, while I am highly sexually attracted to her and I do care for her very much I just don't have that spark like I did before.
I am sure the sex thing is because she is a beautiful woman and I am a man with a pulse and we live in the same space sleep in the same bed so there is a closeness between us.
The length of our marriage, the kids, the history we had I can't see myself ever not caring for her.
That said that little extra that pushes you to be completely in love, giving your total dedication to another just isn't there and I wonder if it will ever be like it was.
It is sad because you wonder if you can hold on it will come back, but the doubt comes and is it a waste of time? I am 40 in 5-10 years I don't want to look back and say what a waste not that life is over at 50 , I think most finally get comfortable in their own skin and learn to appreciate more around them but giving up all those years. Then I think maybe this is the dip in life's road and the best is in front of us so much unknown, so many questions.
Couldnt have said it better myself. I'll be 40 next month. Its a very sad feeling to look at my WH and wonder the same things you just said. Sometimes I look at him and love him the same as I did before all of this and others I feel like Im a fool who is going to get hurt in the end. Is it really worth it? I dont know? Today it is! Tomorrow I dont know?
 

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I learned my mother in law has no common sense and issues with keeping boundaries.

I learned that sometimes there is just too much pain to feel anuything.

I learned that anything related to us can trigger me.

[email protected], at least I learned that my kid is the most amazing thing we could have done together. Maybe that was the only reason we were ever together - to create him and that is over and done?
 

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I learned that my WH did not put any thought into valentine's day and rushed out to the grocery store to get me a stupid card, after i got home from work. This definately shows me he isn't fully into making things work and we are in a false R.
 

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That using a "Buy one entree and get one free" from Denny's does not impress.
 

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I learned that my husband does not want to be married to me, but wants us to be together for the rest of our lives. He actually apologized to me for saying that, but it honestly made me happy. I do not want to D, but I get where I have made marriage and the vows we made to each other seem pointless to him. The bigger deal than whether we are technically married or not is that, in spite of what I've put him through, he still wants me with him. And hearing that made it the best Valentines that I've had in years.
 
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I learned that my husband does not want to be married to me, but wants us to be together for the rest of our lives. He actually apologized to me for saying that, but it honestly made me happy. I do not want to D, but I get where I have made marriage and the vows we made to each other seem pointless to him. The bigger deal than whether we are technically married or not is that, in spite of what I've put him through, he still wants me with him. And hearing that made it the best Valentines that I've had in years.
so he wants a D and to live together??? Whats the point?
 

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I learned that what I hate most about V-day is buying a card. This is the same for my H's b-day which was Sunday and for our anniversary. The way these cards are written..."To my loving husband...I can't imagine my life without you...you bring such joy and happiness into my life...I'm so lucky to be able to share my life with you...you are a wonderful husband and father...My love for you grows stronger each day..."

I pick up and quickly put down every card in the section...then I go back and find the one that's the least of a stretch of my feelings for him. It sounds very harsh...it's been this way for many, many years. I used to read the cards and wonder what was wrong with me...why don't I feel the things they say? It makes me sad that I often have to resort to buying "funny" cards or cards that say very generic things because I don't feel that kind of passionate love and connection. Very sad.
 

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That I am still flying with a broken wing...That I will never know what postcards and gifts she got for Valentines' Day and what a fool I was thinking every pertinent love song was for me, that I was special to someone. How inconsolable I really am.

How to separate the ingredients from a cake that was already baked; never knowing where I ended and where she began. Hating him for baking a cake of three and mixing me in without my consent. How I thank God, that I believe in Him, because I would show no restraint on the vengeance I used to conjure up mentally and without Him, did not become an actuality. Grieving continues from my choices being taken away from me. The sting persists even 2 years later.
 

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so he wants a D and to live together??? Whats the point?
I think for him, in that situation, we would be together out of choice instead of obligation. It would also make it much easier for him to walk away if I ever gave him reason to.

I am not saying that I want a divorce (I don't; I want to be married to him), but after 8 months of him being unsure of whether he wants to be with me or not, it was extremely significant to me to hear that he wants to live and be with me -not just because we have kids, but because he wants to be with me.

So it wasn't the thing I most wanted him to say, but it is a hell of a lot better than the ambivalence I've gotten for 8 months, so I'll take it and focus on the positives.
 
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I learned that, in spite of the fact that I'm about to divorce his father, my grown step-son still sees me as his "Mom", and gave me a vase of flowers and a box of candy. I thought that was sweet and it touched my heart. :D

That being said, my bio-child, that loving son I gave birth to and nurtured from day 1 and who is currently away at college (and who has always hated the commercialization of Valentines Day), as expected, ignored it. However, he did send me a text late at night to call him tomorrow (today). :rofl:

And last, but certainly not least, the "love of my life" :rolleyes: my stbxh sent me nothing, and I sent him nothing.

All in all, it was as I expected it to be, so I was not disappointed.
 

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I learned (after much thought and typing on another thread), that if my hubs affair didn't happen, we may very well be worse off than we are now.

I say that not because I am thankful of the affair, (NEVER WOULD THINK OR SAY THAT), but because if I am being completely honest, I can look back and see that no change would have taken place, and we were both unhappy. We had sufferend 2 deaths in the family and that didn't bring us closer together. We had to suffer the near death of our own family for him to wake up and begin to change into the man, husband, father and friend he should have been all along. It took that for me to wake up and find myself and realize that I can have it all, that I deserve just as much as everyone else and that I am spirited and fun and I CAN BE HAPPY!

God help me if he backslides or has hidden anything from me these last 11 months, but if we continue the path we are on, I will have lived a happy life.

I learned that there are moments when I love my hubs like I did when we first met, perhaps because I am seeing a new man emerge day by day. There are still moments that I trigger and I hate him fo what he did. There are more moments that are good than bad, and there have been some really great moments that have taken my breath away.

Its not because it was Valentines day. It was because it was a day we celebrated with our girls and then took the time for us to do what we like to do....play Call of Duty (yep - newbie gamer here - 10 kills and 1 assist last night - new high), and just enjoy each other with no judgement. Today I am in love with my husband.
 
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