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He was cheating with more than one woman. I called each of the women, they each thought that they were the love of his life and did not believe it when I told them he was cheating on them. It was really weird.

I fixed that for him... I hacked his email accounts and other online accounts and downloaded all the messages, emails, etc. Then I zipped them all up and sent them to all the other women. That way they all got to see all of his communications for the pervious 2 years with all the other women. For example he wrote a love poem and emailed it to each of them. Oh, and I also gave them all each others email addresses and phone numbers.

After that he was hiding from all of them.

That's just one of things that I did.
Holy ****.

 

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I am curious at what his reactions was towards you after he was outed in what I can say again was in spectacular fashion. Did he use the typical cheaterspeak, “its not what it looks like”,etc. I will say that act tops my exposure via facebook of my FWW.
Oh yea he used the typical cheaterspeak all right. He also told me that since I hacked into all his accounts and emailed everything to all the women that he could never trust me again. My response to that nonsense is that he could always trust me. He could trust that I would always do what I need to do to protect myself and my son. That was the end of him trying to turn things around to cover his sorry behind.

I'm generally a very mild mannered person. Just do not piss me off. 😊
 

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So after years of twisting the facts around in my mind until they are tiffany pretzels. I decided to stop worrying about proof and just accept that something happened at some point. I jumped straight from denial to acceptance. Really weird and probably not very healthy. No real rage day. Just a whole lot of don't give a fat flying fart in a windstorm.
I was wrong. I'm not over it. Last night I was not going to be able to make dinner for her on time because I was running around taking care of left over chores from last weekend. So I thought this is he last work day of the week we can go pick up take out. I parked my truck (full size pick up silver with distinctive large custom vinyl) right next to her car at her work and waited for her. Adult Daughter was with me. As we are sitting there I'm thinking, This isn't too smart showing up at her work unannounced, considering . . . She walked out with a man. Talking, happy and animated. Like we haven't talked for years. She walks right up to her car and is about to climb in and drive off when my Daughter says HI!.
I couldn't watch. But I'm pretty sure she would have driven off never knowing I was there. I didn't ask, I don't want to hear it. The charade is in full swing. OK now I can answer this freaking question.
I slept on and off about 2-3 hours during the night. I delivered the keys to my gun safe to my brother this morning.
I guess I'm going to have to stay here for a while longer.
MN
 

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Discussion Starter #84 (Edited)
My FWWs response was when I approached her and POSOM At her company’s open house which she did not invite me to, was”it’s not what it looks like”. I told her don’t bullshit me I was born in the morning but not this morning.
 

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Discussion Starter #85
I was wrong. I'm not over it. Last night I was not going to be able to make dinner for her on time because I was running around taking care of left over chores from last weekend. So I thought this is he last work day of the week we can go pick up take out. I parked my truck (full size pick up silver with distinctive large custom vinyl) right next to her car at her work and waited for her. Adult Daughter was with me. As we are sitting there I'm thinking, This isn't too smart showing up at her work unannounced, considering . . . She walked out with a man. Talking, happy and animated. Like we haven't talked for years. She walks right up to her car and is about to climb in and drive off when my Daughter says HI!.
I couldn't watch. But I'm pretty sure she would have driven off never knowing I was there. I didn't ask, I don't want to hear it. The charade is in full swing. OK now I can answer this freaking question.
I slept on and off about 2-3 hours during the night. I delivered the keys to my gun safe to my brother this morning.
I guess I'm going to have to stay here for a while longer.
MN
Good on gun safe. Don’t do anything that will get you in trouble that you will regret.
 

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I had a hand gun. When I discovered the affair, I gave it to someone to keep for me. Good move on the keys
 

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Discussion Starter #87 (Edited)
I had a hand gun. When I discovered the affair, I gave it to someone to keep for me. Good move on the keys
I have a concealed carry and had weapons in each of my vehicles. I gave them to my son to keep for a while or no telling what I would have done to POSOM. After I calmed down I realized he was not worth it. Karma took care of him.
 

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My reactions can be rather inappropriate at times, so DD was a really all over the place day for me. I ran hot and cold all at once. Hurt to the core in tears, and then angry and ice cold. I didn't get much information, he refused to speak and I drilled him mercilessly while I examined him for a reaction. I'll never forget the cold, detached way he looked at me knowing that he did the very thing he knew was a complete dealbreaker.

Apparently I shocked the ****s out of him b/c I laughed and laughed my head off when he told me who it was (a 19 y/o who looked so childlike I never sniffed her out as a threat but was annoyed when she sent her crappy baked goods home, which immediately went to the trash) and said it was appropriate b/c he wasn't man enough for me, and I saw why he was scared of sex. Then asked if he used protection, and seeing as he didn't and she wasn't a virgin, he'd best get tested stat to see what he caught from whoever else she was ****ing. The look on his face was gold like he never considered that possibility.

A few days later I texted him to let him know I was getting tested to see what his ho and her lovers passed on and that my doctor advised me to do it again in a few months to make sure he hadn't infected me. All I could think was Thank God I had my hysterectomy when I did, I already had a Uterine cancer scare 6 years before after my last surgery. The ****er came at me while he was screwing his ho to see if we "had a spark" and me being so pathetically happy he wanted to have sex didn't question it at the time.

I didn't allow myself to fly into a rage, bc I stupidly wanted him back at the time and I didn't want to alienate him. I still maintained civility after I decided to file b/c he couldn't make up his freaking mind what to do... as usual. We're divorced and I still haven't got nasty or vengeful and I don't plan to. We're finalizing our financial disentanglements, I haven't told him where I moved and I'm just going to walk away and never speak to him again. He already regrets it, he keeps trying to be "friends" asking me how I am when we've had to contact each other and I've just ignored everything that didn't pertain to the issue.

No clue if I'm going to explode now that it's nearly done... Has anyone had a delayed reaction? DD was 09/03/19 for me. I've just been focusing on keeping my **** together and moving on as best as I can. I have been out with other men and am seeing one now, I don't know if that makes a difference.
Infidelity is an ironclad line for me. I know I would have him and his stuff on the lawn within hours and my attorney preparing papers. I’d make him work to be able to see the kids. And ‘take him for everything he’s got’ as I promised him if he ever cheated.

I can’t understand how the BS would even consider R if the WS wanted time to decide between them and another. I will never be ‘Option 1’. Too often WS ultimately decide to stay with BS because they don’t want to give up the security &‘amenities’ that come with an established relationship.
 

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He was cheating with more than one woman. I called each of the women, they each thought that they were the love of his life and did not believe it when I told them he was cheating on them. It was really weird.

I fixed that for him... I hacked his email accounts and other online accounts and downloaded all the messages, emails, etc. Then I zipped them all up and sent them to all the other women. That way they all got to see all of his communications for the pervious 2 years with all the other women. For example he wrote a love poem and emailed it to each of them. Oh, and I also gave them all each others email addresses and phone numbers.

After that he was hiding from all of them.

That's just one of things that I did.
haha!

I love this thread. Wonderful!
 

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Infidelity is an ironclad line for me. I know I would have him and his stuff on the lawn within hours and my attorney preparing papers. I’d make him work to be able to see the kids. And ‘take him for everything he’s got’ as I promised him if he ever cheated.

I can’t understand how the BS would even consider R if the WS wanted time to decide between them and another. I will never be ‘Option 1’. Too often WS ultimately decide to stay with BS because they don’t want to give up the security &‘amenities’ that come with an established relationship.
Some people have feelings, you know, they might actually love their spouse and it takes time to detach and love themselves enough to do what's best for them after the initial shock wears off. People who already put themselves first in everything have no problem severing ties, good for them. Empathy and compassion for others in their struggles go a long way, veiled contempt is a very ugly thing to behold.
 

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Infidelity is an ironclad line for me. I know I would have him and his stuff on the lawn within hours and my attorney preparing papers. I’d make him work to be able to see the kids. And ‘take him for everything he’s got’ as I promised him if he ever cheated.

I can’t understand how the BS would even consider R if the WS wanted time to decide between them and another. I will never be ‘Option 1’. Too often WS ultimately decide to stay with BS because they don’t want to give up the security &‘amenities’ that come with an established relationship.
You really can't say what you'd do unless you've been in that situation. And even then, everyone and every set of circumstances are different.

People love to think they would handle infidelity a certain way, be decisive, and so badass, but when it actually happens and **** hits the fan... chances are they won't handle things the way they thought they would.

Also, kids shouldn't be punished for their parents infidelity. Infidelity alone does not make someone a bad or incapable parent and they still have every right to their kids.
 

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Discussion Starter #92
Just came across this thread, hope I am not to late.

Married 30 years, I paid off all my business debt, and decided that I could spend some time working on my marriage. I googled "My wife doesnt love me anymore" and TAM came up. I started reading and studying the ideas to help with a marriage, did a number of them, started to notice my marriage improving, then nothing..... In my readings I learned of the ILYBNILWY speech. One night she gave me that speech. I went hmmmmmm. So after she fell asleep that night I looked at her phone to discover texts with a mutual friend that were out of line. So now its 1 am. I get up. Load my 12 gauge with 00 shot, drove to the POS home with the intent of walking down the side of his truck with that 00 shot making holes. I arrive at his home (now 2am) decided that I might want to check for police, so I drive slowly around a three block area to check for cops. During the drive, I told myself "Hoosier, you are going to jail. Who wins if you go to jail?" My mind cleared, I then drove back to my home, a few blocks away, hooked up to POS trailer that was parked in my driveway. Drove it down the interstate about 12 miles, pulled into a parking area used by commuters. Removed the license plate, and the registration papers, pulled a sign I made that simply said FREE , attached the sign and drove off, tearing up the registration and throwing it out the window as I drove, threw the plate in the lake. Next day by 9am the trailer was gone!
Now that sounds like one of the best. Did you ever let him know about his trailer?
 

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Discussion Starter #93
I got a good laugh a few months into R as I was at Thornton’s gassing up my SUV when I looked over the other side of the pumps to see POSOM. I said in a pretty scary Clint Eastwoodish voice to him, ”Hey asshole. Remember, it is not if you get yours, but when”. Scared the living hell out of him as I am a pretty good sized fellow at 6’4” 245. I would like to think he was paranoid for a while, but I am sure after a few months the clown had no worries as he tried to approach me while wife and I were having dinner in the bar at Applebees. I could not believe this clown’s audacity and arrogance to approach me under the guise of wanting to apologize. I knew he was baiting me to take a shot at him so he could file charges. I just squeezed the **** out of his hand, pulled him into me, and told him if he was ever in my presence again, he will be leaving in a body bag.

The clown then sued me shortly thereafter and my friend who employed him and my wife for some crap like we conspired to keep him from finding gainful employment. He just could not accept he f’d with the wrong people. Some folks never get it. He thought he would get a cash settlement and I know he did not think we would go to trial, but it is not in my DNA to settle. I am a principle of the thing type of fellow. My attorney got the case dismissed. LOL.
 

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I was actually upset but didn't really yell or scream at her, I just told her I knew everything and had a transcript of all their messages, and threw a copy of one page at her lap.... She read it and got all upset, how did you get this? , invaded my privacy... (etc, the usual cheater nonsense)....
i calmly told her the Verizon account was under my SSN and would have her line promptly canceled.... It felt empowering to have their entire text history for the 2 week fling... And telling her I had known for days what all they were saying n planning.... Information is power, specially when they are clueless that you have one up them.... That helped me not go crazy....
Anyways that was 7 years ago, we managed to R and is a totally different marriage now

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Now that sounds like one of the best. Did you ever let him know about his trailer?
No, In fact, two days later, I confirmed it was gone. During a conversation with her attorney (I found out at 3am on Sunday, she filed 9am on Monday!) I said, rather angrily, "Everyone asks me about that trailer! I have no idea where that trailer is!" He never followed up with a "did you take it" question, just let it drop. I was content knowing I did not lie, I didnt know where it was, wasnt where last I saw it.
 

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Discussion Starter #97
I was actually upset but didn't really yell or scream at her, I just told her I knew everything and had a transcript of all their messages, and threw a copy of one page at her lap.... She read it and got all upset, how did you get this? , invaded my privacy... (etc, the usual cheater nonsense)....
i calmly told her the Verizon account was under my SSN and would have her line promptly canceled.... It felt empowering to have their entire text history for the 2 week fling... And telling her I had known for days what all they were saying n planning.... Information is power, specially when they are clueless that you have one up them.... That helped me not go crazy....
Anyways that was 7 years ago, we managed to R and is a totally different marriage now

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My favorite was my FWW’s reply to me “its not what it looks like” when I busted them. WTF are they thinking. Oh well we are doing well and have worked past for the most part her transgression almost four and one half years ago. I still wonder how I was able to refrain from beating the living hell out of POSOM.
 

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Sounds like a lot of people here are stuck in their anger.

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Nah. Part of the healing process. There's a bit of a brotherhood/sisterhood here, and it can be somewhat therapeutic to share.

Some are in various stages- some are weeks/months in, some are years. Reflecting back on how we expressed our anger after Dday doesn't mean we're stuck there. It's a part of our lives. It dosen't have to define us and it doesn't have control us, but it's quite healthy for us to talk about it.

Many of us can even smile or laugh about it now.

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Discussion Starter #100
Indeed it is therapeutic. I get a kick out of what others did to know I am/was not alone in my anger. My FWW said I had her drinking out of a firehose after exposure on Facebook. She asked me shortly after Dday before I departed for Florida for several weeks to be away from her “did you really have to humiliate me that way”... I replied did you really have to **** POSOM? Point to me.

At the time I was enraged, but after I cooled down, I wish I had not blasted her as I did, but oh well
 
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