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Ok, so my husband cheated on me (like three times with the same woman, and every time their affair was brought to light by me or OWH they said they broke it off, only to find they didn't).

So, both couples are done. No chance of reconciliation.

We have been in our house for 14 years. It's in the country with no neighbors for a mile and I would not feel safe here with just me and 2 kids. I plan to find another home and leave with the kids. I would like to buy instead of rent.

Side note, hubby doesn't want me seeing any lawyers, just want us to split in to households, maybe print a fill out separation agreement from online to fill out and turn in. (I think he is scared of what a lawyer would tell me I could do to him in N.C.) Says he doesn't want to take my name off our house, and he would sign with me to get my own house.

I don't want his name on my new house, and it looks like it wouldn't work anyway. Talked to my personal bank. Since my name is on one mortgage, FHA won't give me or him a loan for a second. We could get it as a secondary home loan, BUT it has to be 50 miles or more away from primary home. House I was looking at is 2 miles away so I could stay close to him for the kids and in my kids school district. We can get it as an investment property, but with that you need 20% down, I only have 10% right now. Nothing seems to want to work out for me and I did nothing WRONG!!!!

So, I guess I have to get my name off MY house that I have lived in for 14 years and put my heart and money into and just hand it over to my scab of a husband. People will think I am crazy!! My husband says it's just a doublewide and one acre of land but SO WHAT?!

So, to have my current house refinanced in my husband's name is iffy too. Both our credit scores are like 650. Not sure if it is enough for him to refinance alone and come out with a better rate, etc. and be worth it.

What did you do about housing when you split? And what should I do in this case?

I can't wait to move out and start my life over....
 

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It is a tough situation. Maybe you could sell, then split the money. I feel your pain. I too have lived in this house for 15 years. I am on the refin. mortgage, but he bought the house before we met. I don't want the house. I just want to start over. Good luck It is tough! Don't just give him the house. You have put time and money into it.
 

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Wait a minute, your lying unfaithful H now doesn't want you to see a lawyer. RED FLAG, RED FLAG. At this point, don't you dare take his advice. Go see a lawyer, even for just a consultation to find out where you stand. Who cares if he doesn't like it. Do not give him your home, have him buy you out. If he can't, then you sell. He is not looking out for you, he is looking out for him.
 
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Hmmm sounds like we are in similar situations. My STBXH doesn't want to short sale and wants to stay joint on the mortgage for at least 5 years when he says he will be able to refinance it. He can't refinance it now. I am the primary borrower, he is only a co-signer. I am speaking with the bank today about him just assuming the loan. It is FHA as well but we do not qualify for any of the programs they have for refinancing or selling. It is so frustrating. I do not want to be tied legally to him anymore. He is thinking it will be more of a leasing agreement...like landlords or something.

NO I DON'T WANT THE HOUSE OR TO BE TIED TO YOU ANYMORE! I can't trust him...he stops making the mortgage payment and my credit is ruined...don't want to give him that power.

Oh and if my options are not good with the bank, I'm going to the lawyer to draw up a legal document that hopefully protects me and my credit if he should fail to pay the mortgage.

I hate dealing with this house mess. At least yours isn't underwater. If he is keeping it he needs to buy you out of it if there is any equity. You definitely do need to at least speak with a lawyer. Any free consultations you can go to?
 

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Talk to several mortgage brokers. My H and I went through a similar situation when he was thinking of moving out and buying a house in the neighborhood. Several said -- can't do it (or can't do it without a bigger downpayment, higher interest rate) -- and then one said "no problem."

As far as the lawyers go, I think you need someone to work with you. You could try a mediator or a collaborative divorce team. You could also consider making an appointment with a CPA to have someone think through the tax and other implications of a prospective settlement. Diving into this with no set of outside eyes seems dangerous -- and you need to make sure that your kids do not suffer because you were trying to avoid conflict.
 

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Side note, hubby doesn't want me seeing any lawyers, ...
Should have thought of that before he cheated. :rolleyes:

Go see a lawyer to learn your basic rights. Hell, go see two or more...most offer a free initial consulatation. You can still go with a mediator later if you decide that's best for you.
 

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By all means see an attorney! Personally I would stay put in the house. I've lived in the country most of my life (the last five years mostly without a husband). Statistically you are probably safer in the country. What about staying with family?

If your husband won't get cooperative, you can always threaten bankruptcy. It really is amazing what a bankruptcy trustee can do to clean up a mess.
 

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TwoHUGE questions are:


How much can you sell the house for?
How much do you owe?

If your house will not sell for more than you owe then this whole dicussion about you getting another house in the divorce is useless.

On the other hand, if your house will sell for more than you owe then GET YOUR FAIR SHARE. SEE A LAWYER! Then you will be able to buy your own home in your own name.

If oyu wnat to stay in the house without him then again, you rlawyer knows a lot more than you on how to address this.
 
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