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Honestly, I always had a feeling but today I found the videos on our work tablet.... I don't know how I feel but I am so surprised that he video it and didn't delete the texts that I also found. I thought most cheaters tried to hide it but he is just leaving it out in the open...
 

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Two things surprised me when my girlfriend / fiancée / wife cheated on me (yup, she did it at all levels with multiple people): (1) the depth of her denial is absolutely sociopathic. Despite incontrovertible facts, she continues to deny, minimize and gaslight me; and (2) my ability to rug sweep and move on.
But here is the deal, I have not moved on. After two years of dating, two years of engagement and 40 years marriage, I am undeniably miserable in my marriage. It is the first thing I think about when I awake in the morning and the last thing I think about as I try to fall asleep at night. Every. Single. Day. And you wanna know what the worst of it is? It is that I know it is 100% my fault. I enabled it. I did virtually nothing then and I continue to do nothing now. Oh, we have had arguments. We have sought counseling. But reconciliation continues to elude us. Now, here I am, posting on a website of complete strangers. In hopes of what?
 

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Two things surprised me when my girlfriend / fiancée / wife cheated on me (yup, she did it at all levels with multiple people): (1) the depth of her denial is absolutely sociopathic. Despite incontrovertible facts, she continues to deny, minimize and gaslight me; and (2) my ability to rug sweep and move on.
But here is the deal, I have not moved on. After two years of dating, two years of engagement and 40 years marriage, I am undeniably miserable in my marriage. It is the first thing I think about when I awake in the morning and the last thing I think about as I try to fall asleep at night. Every. Single. Day. And you wanna know what the worst of it is? It is that I know it is 100% my fault. I enabled it. I did virtually nothing then and I continue to do nothing now. Oh, we have had arguments. We have sought counseling. But reconciliation continues to elude us. Now, here I am, posting on a website of complete strangers. In hopes of what?
Start a thread in the infidelity section with your story. I think you’ll find at least a measure of help and not feeling alone here, and people can respond to your story directly.
 

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UltRugSwpr,

It's not too late to get

WW to write out a timeline,

Take a polygraph,

Get your kids DNA'ed.

Expose the OM / OW

Separate or Divorce

Stand up for yourself.

I rugswept for 20+ years became a workaholic, thought I could love my WW enough that she would love me.

I would also guess your WW has the entire world convinced she is a great person and she has surrounded you with people on her side who would not believe anything to her discredit.

Time does not heal things which have never been fixed, are you still in the same area with the affair partners etc?
 

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Two things surprised me when my girlfriend / fiancée / wife cheated on me (yup, she did it at all levels with multiple people): (1) the depth of her denial is absolutely sociopathic. Despite incontrovertible facts, she continues to deny, minimize and gaslight me; and (2) my ability to rug sweep and move on.
But here is the deal, I have not moved on. After two years of dating, two years of engagement and 40 years marriage, I am undeniably miserable in my marriage. It is the first thing I think about when I awake in the morning and the last thing I think about as I try to fall asleep at night. Every. Single. Day. And you wanna know what the worst of it is? It is that I know it is 100% my fault. I enabled it. I did virtually nothing then and I continue to do nothing now. Oh, we have had arguments. We have sought counseling. But reconciliation continues to elude us. Now, here I am, posting on a website of complete strangers. In hopes of what?
I think you might be better off if you make your own thread?
 

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My biggest surprise was about the emotions.

For me it was the absolute rage I felt. I scared myself at times. The best advice I got was to buy a heavy bag. Looking back, I’m shocked that I never broke my hand punching that thing so hard in for so long.

For her, I expected crying I expected her to ask to give her a second chance, but I was surprised at just how much she lost it. She was placed in a psychiatric hospital multiple times since DDay, and exactly what she was willing to offer in due for a second chance.

and the third thing that surprised me, especially looking back, was the extent that my in-laws asked me for help taking care of her. It ranged from asking just to talk to her face-to-face, to last year offering to pay to have an Inlaw apartment added onto my house so that she could live there as they didn’t feel that they could be there for her as much as she needed, and they thought that just being that close to me wouldn’t help her in her recovery. Yeah right!

I’m approaching 4th Anniversary of the divorce finalized in less than two weeks. I am very happy with my life. And two great kids, a job that is so so but we’ll paying, an active social life,etc. she was fired from her job immediately, has been multiple times in the funny farm, has been living with her parents because they’re worried about self harm, can’t barely speak to her still, in her personal and professional relationship with burns to the ground.

I see Less and less Of her all the time now that the thaw last child is away at college. I refuse to meet with the in laws anymore if she is the topic of discussion. But when I do see here, she STILL asks me out to dinner, asks/offers sex, whatever. She is crazy!
 

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Discussion Starter · #71 ·
That OM1 made her into a different person, someone I never saw before, that she loved him so intensely it wouldn't surprise me if she gave him analingus.

That OM3 was 85 years old.

That OW1 was a devout born again Christian beautiful, innocent, unaware and about 30 years younger than my W.
No offense but WTF did you marry?
 

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No offense but WTF did you marry?
Absolutely no offense taken, no one can ever hope to say anything as bad as 1/10 of a percent of the reality of an affair.

I cannot understand when posters become insulted by the mere opinions of other posters which they have 100% ability to consider or ignore.

WTF did you marry?------

A woman who drifts into relationships with other people unaware that her beauty is drawing them in, but who hates the entanglements given the destructive effects infidelity has had on her own family.

A woman who is decent but lost most of her love for me during OM1, but feared the disapproval of her parents because they liked me as a husband to their daughter. Her serial cheating Dad was the first to approve of me, guess he knew I wouldn't cheat on his daughter.
 

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I think one of the (many) shocking facets of my ex-wife's cheating was the level of deception that she carried out for so long. Really effectively living 2 separate lives, and being capable of carrying out the constant lying, deception, betrayal...maintaining 2 different lives - one her partying, drug taking, sex in public bathrooms at 3am life, and then her life with her husband and children. It takes a real....special kind of person to be able to pull that off for months or years. Beyond my comprehension.
 

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JBLH, your first post in this triggered a memory of a divorce from several years ago. She had an office affair. It was discovered, and she was removed from his life altogether. This couple were on the board of a charity, and there was an annual dinner/dance approximately ten months after the separation. She brought the AP. It was the first time her STBX laid eyes on the guy that took his WW. In short, he pissed himself laughing. Affairing down was one thing, and he said it. She was slumming. He said, "Dear god, could you not find anything remotely appropriate?" The guy barely came up to her shoulder. He was tubby, sloppy fat. The dinner dance was formal, he wore a gray polyester suit. (Big mistake, as it amplified his BO) It did not hit WW that he was inappropriate, and that she had really affaired down, until hubby pointed it out, and several of their acquaintances expressed their surprise if not disappointment at her choice of partners. Her ex also knew something about her psychology, and that after he had expressed his criticism, a follow up from her friends and acquaintances would have her revisiting her decisions with regards to AP. She dropped him the next day. She also got a load of what her ex H was dating, and if it were not enough that her choice of partners made her look ridiculous, her exH's choice made her look old and less than attractive. In all, it was the worst evening of her life, and it spurred her to fix the mess she had made.
 

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JBLH, your first post in this triggered a memory of a divorce from several years ago. She had an office affair. It was discovered, and she was removed from his life altogether. This couple were on the board of a charity, and there was an annual dinner/dance approximately ten months after the separation. She brought the AP. It was the first time her STBX laid eyes on the guy that took his WW. In short, he pissed himself laughing. Affairing down was one thing, and he said it. She was slumming. He said, "Dear god, could you not find anything remotely appropriate?" The guy barely came up to her shoulder. He was tubby, sloppy fat. The dinner dance was formal, he wore a gray polyester suit. (Big mistake, as it amplified his BO) It did not hit WW that he was inappropriate, and that she had really affaired down, until hubby pointed it out, and several of their acquaintances expressed their surprise if not disappointment at her choice of partners. Her ex also knew something about her psychology, and that after he had expressed his criticism, a follow up from her friends and acquaintances would have her revisiting her decisions with regards to AP. She dropped him the next day. She also got a load of what her ex H was dating, and if it were not enough that her choice of partners made her look ridiculous, her exH's choice made her look old and less than attractive. In all, it was the worst evening of her life, and it spurred her to fix the mess she had made.
How did she fix it ? Did she get back with her husband ?
 

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She also got a load of what her ex H was dating, and if it were not enough that her choice of partners made her look ridiculous, her exH's choice made her look old and less than attractive.
How did she fix it ? Did she get back with her husband ?
Based on what Taxman wrote here, I hope the husband did not get back with her, a known cheater.
 
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