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For two years, my gut told me she was cheating whenever she left the country to visit her family. I just had a feeling with nothing to base it on. I contacted one of her friends via Skype. She did not tell me about what was going on because my wife told everyone that we were divorced. When I convinced her friend that we were still married, she told me EVERYTHING. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. The POSOM is an alcoholic and a serial cheater who had always wanted to marry my wife. His wife worked in another country so I did some research. I found out her name, got her contact information, and when I contacted her, told her EVERYTHING. She immediately filed for legal separation and eventually divorced the POSOM.
After I got over the gut punch, I filed for divorce.
 

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Where to even begin. He was always very contemptuous of anyone who cheated and also very conscious of his reputation as Mr. Perfect so, no, I didn鈥檛 believe he would cheat. Surprise, surprise, surprise. I didn鈥檛 think I would ever recover but I did and have a much happier life now. No one really wants to have to deal with divorce but sometimes it鈥檚 the best thing for you.
 

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The lies, especially that I hadn't wised up to it.

I knew something was off but couldn't imagine an affair. I actually asked my ex if he was gay with his best friend at one point bc I got a lot of BS excuses for why we were sexless, only to discover his affair a short time after.

I'd have let him go if he wanted out; I can't believe I put up with all the crap I did just to remain married to someone who didn't value commitment.
 

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Once I educated myself about the Cluster B personality disorders, things made sense. Not just the cheating but the lack of empathy and the sense of entitlement in just about every aspect of her life.
What are those disorders, and where is a good place to read about them?
 

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A few things.

The lengths people will go to so they can cheat. My cheating ex used to keep 2 relationships going at once. She was with me on Facebook and saw me on a specific schedule, and she had another BF on Snapchat that she would see when I wasn't around. I remember thinking she possibly had some health problems that made her fatigued all the time but it was really because she would only allow herself 4 hours sleep each day so she had time to keep 2 relationships going. She also had at least one other guy she would see infrequently when she needed money or some work done.

They have a saying when it comes to pests like mice and roaches, when you see one, you have 100 in the walls. Cheating is like that too. If you catch your partner chatting inappropriately or something, that is the one rat you see outside, there will be another 100 instances that you don't see. If you catch something, always dig deeper.

The last thing that comes to mind isn't quite something that surprises me but it's something I've noticed. I remember back in the day thinking that people always got away with poor behavior. That's because in the short term, they usually do. If someone cheats on you and the relationship ends, they will land softly right into another relationship while you sit around all lonely and depressed. On the long term though, those people won't stop being who they are. If they ruined a relationship with you, they will ruin the next one too. These people eventually end up alone because they destroyed every relationship they were ever in.
 

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Discussion Starter · #27 ·
So what are you doing with the truth?
We had the best night of our lives. The very next day I did a 180掳 turn and removed myself from any contact with her and two days after that I served her the divorce papers.

Although if felt good at first to dunk on het face, I haven鈥檛 been able to shake off the disappointment. Meaning it wasn鈥檛 the 鈥渧ictory鈥 I thought it was going to be.

I guess it鈥檒l take time.
 

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馃槀 馃槀 馃槀 馃槀 馃槀
POSOM was a piece of work. I quit being obsessed with getting even About four years ago On advice of my IC. POSOM has done himself in all by himself. Real piece of work. Learned he filed for bankruptcy three years ago,too. Melted my heart. Karma is real.
 

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That she was capable of doing it. I didn't think she could ever do that because of past trauma and how many issues we had in the sex department.

That I accused her of cheating 8 years prior, was made out to be the bad guy, and was right all along.

That our entire marriage was a lie.

That I had been with her since we were 17 and we were best friends before that, and yet I had no clue what the hell I was married to.

The amount of lies told and the ****ed up lengths she went to in order to maintain and cover up the affairs. Crying rape when she got knocked up by someone else, lying in court about it, lying to therapists about it, spending years and 10's of thousands of dollars in court in an attempt to keep the "rapist" away from the child, putting me through the hell of dealing with the guy who I thought raped, knocked up, and beat the **** out of my wife because she didn't want to see him, making me believe I was raising a "rape baby". Being able to put me through all of that hell instead of just leaving or owning up to being a ****.

That the trickle truth could keep getting worse and worse and how ****ing awful that feels every time.

The mental agony and physical pain when discovering **** like that...

That she was banging two steroid-using gym rats.

That she was letting herself be some pricks sex toy and doing all sorts of things she'd never do with me.

How disgusting she had been, how "sloppy" sloppy seconds can be, and how repulsive she could become to me.
 

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We had the best night of our lives. The very next day I did a 180掳 turn and removed myself from any contact with her and two days after that I served her the divorce papers.

Although if felt good at first to dunk on het face, I haven鈥檛 been able to shake off the disappointment. Meaning it wasn鈥檛 the 鈥渧ictory鈥 I thought it was going to be.

I guess it鈥檒l take time.
Yep, pretty sad. The thing is it was a choice/decision on her part. Repeated infidelity is real and more so if there is no remorse. Many confuse sorry they got caught with remorse.
Sorry.
 

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Honestly, the biggest surprise for me was that she actually expressed her feelings for the OM in writing. The AP was not a surprise, and our marriage was in bad shape, so it was more of a "well, crap, there it is". So what surprised me was the fact she wrote it, sent it in an email, and didn't delete it, knowing that I am a pretty nosy person to begin with.

So glad I did, too, because I caught it and confronted her before it went physical.
 

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That she was capable of doing it. I didn't think she could ever do that because of past trauma and how many issues we had in the sex department.

That I accused her of cheating 8 years prior, was made out to be the bad guy, and was right all along.

That our entire marriage was a lie.

That I had been with her since we were 17 and we were best friends before that, and yet I had no clue what the hell I was married to.

The amount of lies told and the *ed up lengths she went to in order to maintain and cover up the affairs. Crying rape when she got knocked up by someone else, lying in court about it, lying to therapists about it, spending years and 10's of thousands of dollars in court in an attempt to keep the "rapist" away from the child, putting me through the hell of dealing with the guy who I thought raped, knocked up, and beat the * out of my wife because she didn't want to see him, making me believe I was raising a "rape baby". Being able to put me through all of that hell instead of just leaving or owning up to being a ****.

That the trickle truth could keep getting worse and worse and how ****ing awful that feels every time.

The mental agony and physical pain when discovering **** like that...

That she was banging two steroid-using gym rats.

That she was letting herself be some pricks sex toy and doing all sorts of things she'd never do with me.

How disgusting she had been, how "sloppy" sloppy seconds can be, and how repulsive she could become to me.
And after all of that you're still with her?
 

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That she was capable of doing it. I didn't think she could ever do that because of past trauma and how many issues we had in the sex department.

That I accused her of cheating 8 years prior, was made out to be the bad guy, and was right all along.

That our entire marriage was a lie.

That I had been with her since we were 17 and we were best friends before that, and yet I had no clue what the hell I was married to.

The amount of lies told and the *ed up lengths she went to in order to maintain and cover up the affairs. Crying rape when she got knocked up by someone else, lying in court about it, lying to therapists about it, spending years and 10's of thousands of dollars in court in an attempt to keep the "rapist" away from the child, putting me through the hell of dealing with the guy who I thought raped, knocked up, and beat the * out of my wife because she didn't want to see him, making me believe I was raising a "rape baby". Being able to put me through all of that hell instead of just leaving or owning up to being a ****.

That the trickle truth could keep getting worse and worse and how ****ing awful that feels every time.

The mental agony and physical pain when discovering **** like that...

That she was banging two steroid-using gym rats.

That she was letting herself be some pricks sex toy and doing all sorts of things she'd never do with me.

How disgusting she had been, how "sloppy" sloppy seconds can be, and how repulsive she could become to me.
I can鈥檛 imagine raising an affair child. That has to be so difficult. I鈥檓 sorry for what you鈥檝e gone through. People suck.
 

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Affairs seem to be more about the cheater than the relationship they鈥檙e in. Although cheaters will blame the relationship for their cheating, it鈥檚 a choice they made when they could have made other choices. Asking for a divorce would be better than cheating, for example. But I鈥檇 say cheaters want to have their marriage with the lifestyle, shared bank accounts and kids etc but also want to dabble in single life, again.

If you read many threads on here, that seems to be the theme. Rarely do cheaters when caught want to divorce - they typically beg to stay in the marriage etc and this crazy hysterical bonding thing starts. If cheating was about the relationship - wouldn鈥檛 they not beg to stay?
My H started months ago maybe longer, I鈥檓 not sure. They both apparently met on some forum complaining about their spouses, decided to divorce their spouses, at the exact time. Both encouraging the other to 鈥渢aste the sweetness of freedom鈥. I think they鈥檒l last, as they seem to share very disturbing traits.
 

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Discussion Starter · #39 ·
My H started months ago maybe longer, I鈥檓 not sure. They both apparently met on some forum complaining about their spouses, decided to divorce their spouses, at the exact time. Both encouraging the other to 鈥渢aste the sweetness of freedom鈥. I think they鈥檒l last, as they seem to share very disturbing traits.
Sorry to hear that.

I seriously doubt they will. Any relationship based on opportunity seldom lasts.
 
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