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In my case it was a plethora of things that, taken apart, revealed nothing but when contextualized, gave me an AHA! / WTF! moment. Another thing was finding out who she was cheating with... the dude is a foot shorter than me, 50 pounds overweight and a receding hairline (I REALLY took offense to this). And lastly, it was finding TAM and putting together a game plan that allowed me to find out important information like my ex having a credit card I knew nothing about, that she was seeing the other animal during a ½ hour window after school and sometimes during the weekend for an hour at a time (this animal was driving about 65 miles each way to get some action from a married overweight mother of one with more than a few wrinkles on her-meaning these people are DESPERATE) and that they were communicating via google docs.

Worst of all was when I found out all the things I desperately wanted to not be true becoming true right in front of my face and seeing my wife so emotionally attached to this guy she actually chose him over me.
 

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In my case it was a plethora of things that, taken apart, revealed nothing but when contextualized, gave me an AHA! / WTF! moment. Another thing was finding out who she was cheating with... the dude is a foot shorter than me, 50 pounds overweight and a receding hairline (I REALLY took offense to this). And lastly, it was finding TAM and putting together a game plan that allowed me to find out important information like my ex having a credit card I knew nothing about, that she was seeing the other animal during a ½ hour window after school and sometimes during the weekend for an hour at a time (this animal was driving about 65 miles each way to get some action from a married overweight mother of one with more than a few wrinkles on her-meaning these people are DESPERATE) and that they were communicating via google docs.

Worst of all was when I found out all the things I desperately wanted to not be true becoming true right in front of my face and seeing my wife so emotionally attached to this guy she actually chose him over me.
If you want to heal rip the bandaid off and press ahead. File for divorce and have her served at work.
 

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i think what you are feeling is normal in the sense that your rational mind is trying to make sense of emotional logic that is coming from someone you spent your life with and thought you knew......logic dictates that as rational creatures we would not do things that is against our better nature of our eniviroment, but we see this every day that this is not so. The deception of your wife behavior is something you could spend the rest of your life trying to understand and still not find an answer that makes sense....What is undisputable are the facts that she deceptive you for a while now and that your response should be one of dealing with the cruelist enamy. Expose Expose Expose.
 

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Affairs rarely make sense. People that commit them are usually attracted to the opposite of what they had at home. They also rarely last. But you have every right to be pissed and venting. Been there, done that.

What surprised me is how someone can cheat on not just a spouse, but two young kids. They are affected the most.
 

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First the fact that she would do it, and secondly who it was when I busted them. Total opposite of me and he was a cheesy sort of POSOM. Looked like a GQ wanna be with a gold chain…”Mr. T. Starter Kit” I called it.
 

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Affairs seem to be more about the cheater than the relationship they’re in. Although cheaters will blame the relationship for their cheating, it’s a choice they made when they could have made other choices. Asking for a divorce would be better than cheating, for example. But I’d say cheaters want to have their marriage with the lifestyle, shared bank accounts and kids etc but also want to dabble in single life, again.

If you read many threads on here, that seems to be the theme. Rarely do cheaters when caught want to divorce - they typically beg to stay in the marriage etc and this crazy hysterical bonding thing starts. If cheating was about the relationship - wouldn’t they not beg to stay?
 

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The cognitive dissonance, caused by blatant lying happening in real-time, especially the first lie uncovered. I remember finding the burner phone to go along with the packaging/label left on the floor if the car, holding it in my hand, and asking my wife just out of eyesight, “Hon, did you buy a new phone?” “No.”

Still hard to believe when lies get retold, or remembered. Scares me to think what I’ve swept under the carpet. Had I found this place earlier, I might have walked a different path.
 

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What caught me by surprise was the willingness to deceive me without any remorse. It's hard to believe how cruel people can be.
Once I educated myself about the Cluster B personality disorders, things made sense. Not just the cheating but the lack of empathy and the sense of entitlement in just about every aspect of her life.
 

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In my case it was a plethora of things that, taken apart, revealed nothing but when contextualized, gave me an AHA! / WTF! moment. Another thing was finding out who she was cheating with... the dude is a foot shorter than me, 50 pounds overweight and a receding hairline (I REALLY took offense to this). And lastly, it was finding TAM and putting together a game plan that allowed me to find out important information like my ex having a credit card I knew nothing about, that she was seeing the other animal during a ½ hour window after school and sometimes during the weekend for an hour at a time (this animal was driving about 65 miles each way to get some action from a married overweight mother of one with more than a few wrinkles on her-meaning these people are DESPERATE) and that they were communicating via google docs.

Worst of all was when I found out all the things I desperately wanted to not be true becoming true right in front of my face and seeing my wife so emotionally attached to this guy she actually chose him over me.
It doesn’t matter. She picked him over you. Those are the facts.
Cheaters always find a way. I cringe every time I hear they don’t have the time or that’s not in their nature.
And then it was the fog. Fog is an excuse for the betrayed. The fog made them do it they just didn’t know what they were doing. The fog did all that planning and deceit that goes into an affair.
😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣
I guess it helps in not making a decision for some.
 

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In my case it was a plethora of things that, taken apart, revealed nothing but when contextualized, gave me an AHA! / WTF! moment. Another thing was finding out who she was cheating with... the dude is a foot shorter than me, 50 pounds overweight and a receding hairline (I REALLY took offense to this). And lastly, it was finding TAM and putting together a game plan that allowed me to find out important information like my ex having a credit card I knew nothing about, that she was seeing the other animal during a ½ hour window after school and sometimes during the weekend for an hour at a time (this animal was driving about 65 miles each way to get some action from a married overweight mother of one with more than a few wrinkles on her-meaning these people are DESPERATE) and that they were communicating via google docs.

Worst of all was when I found out all the things I desperately wanted to not be true becoming true right in front of my face and seeing my wife so emotionally attached to this guy she actually chose him over me.
So what are you doing with the truth?
 
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