I know who it is. They both said "nothing happened". I know it's a lie. He said all the proof I had was "phone calls" and text mssgs on the phn bill. That he never saw her or touched her in the 8 years of their secret communication, he tells the church this too. Failed to mention in counseling that she did talk to him sexually on the phone, but he "didn't follow through" and to this day sticks by that story that they were just friends and the only thing he did wrong was vent his feelings about me to a secret stranger (past co-worker) that became a friend (who was giving him marriage advice but has never been married, is 10 years younger). I do want to get another degree while I am in this position. He never bought our daughter a single pair of $10 shoes during those 8 years but easily spent $38 on one single 13 minute phone call to OW. SO I divorced him and then found out about her. Wasn't quite able to fit the whole story together until after we remarried, when I searched every corner of my mind to match the details of my life back then with the knowledge now of her existence. The thing that bothers me is why would he remarry me when they had a chance to get married etc. or why would they continue after we remarried. I know I used to be one hell of a naiive and overworked, tired breadwinner that I suspected he had someone else but could not afford to follow through with a PI, etc. I feel doubly motivated now to get more than phone bills. There are times I really think he is trying, even being overwhelmed with trying but it is hard for me to believe that "nothing happened" and therefore the foundation of this marriage is worse than the first one unless he fesses up completely. Until then, I am living a farce with a fraud. He never volunteers anything and always has a justification for everything after I find out...She is just as bad - She is into marketing and advertising for an insurance company & actually chairs a charity to help unfortunate children and families. I have told him to go back to her, that what they have we have never had and that I even believe theirs is "true love" because he sacrificed me and the children for her sake for YEARS, that I will prepare the children for this and everything can be very amicable and I meant every word. But he says that there will be no amicability if I divorce him again - which I couldn't care less. I deliberately say bad things about her to see his response and he gets really angry and retorts back to me what I said about her - so he is very defensive and protective of her. So the only thing I could figure is that she is not yet ready to settle down therefore, the children and I are his something to do until she is ready.
