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The answer to all your questions: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, etc.

Yes, the trauma will always be an issue, yes you will have regrets if you stick with this, yes that’s probably why she’s divorced, yes you will always worry about what you “can and cannot” do, yes it’s weird.

Yes, you should cut and run.
 

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First off, I can fairly accurately tell how things are going to be simply by the precursory events that lead up to sex, such as flirtacious actions, eye contact, physical contact, and by "couch kissing" or making out!

Unless things have duly changed over the years, if the presex kissing got very mutually heated and physical, then you could reasonably ascertain "the law of logical progression." If she's receptive, then it's a good sign; if however she is not, or I sense any sign of nervousness or apprehension on her part, maybe it's just me, but I ain't going there! I don't want to go somewhere where my presence is not appreciated or wanted!

Since she's gone this far with you, I believe that she owes you a full detailed explanation of where her problems are!

Perhaps she hasn't fully emotionally healed before trying to open herself up to love once again! Until such time that she can forthrightly convey that to you, sex would totally be off the table, as far as I was concerned!

Best of luck to you, my friend!
 

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Everyone is different so it's hard to say how she's dealing with her trauma. I've had some bad encounters and I still enjoy sex so you can't say that that it's always a big problem with sex. Anyway, trauma in the past or not, sex can be complicated for people including men. I'm not so sure about her saying that she doesn't just "give it away". I guess some people look at it that way but normally it's seen as something that's shared with mutual enjoyment. That may be a result of the abuse. But either way if she sees it always as her giving it away (or not) then I think that attitude might not be compatible with how you see things.

You may not have meant it like this but you sounded like you were blaming her for being too tight and making you perform bad. I don't think that really counts as having sex if it was only 5-10 seconds. Just curious about how you dealt with that with her. Did you make it her fault to her? That's a difficult one because if she decided to have sex after so many years and it's not something that she does easily, then having it go like that is not good. 5-10 seconds might really turn her off to begin with but if you made it her fault then that could be the end.

This doesn't seem like it's going to work.
 

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@FF9! IF you're fine with not ever having much of a sex life then do stay with her, otherwise you would do very well to walk away.
Amen Brother, amen...

Listen OP, she may be a nice girl, and even special. But unless you really want a low probably super low sex life filled with pain for you and her... I recommend that you end this.

I am sorry for her, I think what ever happened to her is horrible. I don't know what the LIST is, but dude, that is a bad starting place to start a sexual relationship.

I think you are going to have to talk to her and you frankly need to push for details. You need to explain that you need to know what you are actually dealing with. Otherwise you have no way to deal with it and understand it.

If you don't want to put in the time, as much as I hate to say it, it might be time to run but be honest and tell her.

And think about this, her Ex cheating, do you think that had anything with her trauma and her views on Sex???
 

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Many things

1. CSA
2. Not ready to have sex with you until you seem committed
3. She's become a born again Christian
4. She's set a timeline for herself before she will have sex and you are speeding it up, which makes her uncomfortable

Why don't you just ask her about it? Then tell us :D
 
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